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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Total shock

862 replies

Iseeall · 26/09/2015 13:28

Just found evidence of the other woman. In total shock. Been together 25 years,k new something was wrong but still its a shock.
His business takes him away sometimes and he has just returned, I found her boarding card in his man bag as i was tidying up.
Shall I facebook her a message asking if she had a lovely holiday and enjoys breaking up a family.
help me.

OP posts:
CrumbledFeta · 28/09/2015 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goddessofsmallthings · 28/09/2015 13:47

I was laughing. Seriously.

Well done you!! Keep laughing - the man is a joke; the stereotypical over the hill male who gives himself a makeover and convinces himself he's god's gift to women in the process. His vanity knows no bounds.

I like CrumbledFeta's idea of briefing against the ow. As you've revealed your knowledge of the condoms I suggest you follow through with 'I wouldn't have thought twice about them if I hadn't been alerted to your extra marital activities. Why not ask your floozie who would have a vested interest in telling me?' said with detachment and a raised eyebrow.

You can derive a lot of fun from this and laughing at him will be welcome relief from the grief he's caused you. Regard it as an opportunity to topple him from his platform of pomposity and destroy the ladder so he'll never be able to climb onto it again.

If he doesn't intend to leave, move his junk belongings - or your own - into another bedroom and make it clear there's no way you're going to share a bed with a man whose dick might have been in anyone, or anything for all you know.

If you find yourself in danger of pitying him, harden your heart and continue to flatten him with the steamroller of obvious hilarity at his tawdry antics which are worthy of a second-rate music hall turn.

What manner of stupid vain twat thinks he can have his cake and eat it engage in a clandestine affair unnoticed by others?

This one can go down in your history as the time fuckface tried to reinvent himself thought he was cleverer than you. Smile

BitOutOfPractice · 28/09/2015 13:48

Look, the evidence is totally irrelevant. It served its purpose by letting the OP know. This isn't a criminal case where the evidence needs to be bagged and preserved for legal purposes. She doesn't need ecvidence to divorce his lying arse. It's done now. How the OP found out is irrelevent as long as - and this is important - she doesn't allow him to gaslight and wrong foot her that she's losing her mind.

But to me, the OP sounds very certain now and will run rings round this knob cheese

Good luck OP we are all behind you with support and advice Thanks

HellKitty · 28/09/2015 13:49

If he unpacks again then re-pack it with his baggiest, saggiest Y Fronts and a mismatch of clothes. Just for the giggles.

AlisonWunderland · 28/09/2015 13:51

I find the phrase "don't assume that I am stupid, just because you are" useful when dealing with twunts like him

leghoul · 28/09/2015 13:52

I think you have more power not telling him what you know as he sounds like he'll immediately say thats not evidence of an affair/ doesn't prove he had sex. Keep your cards close to your chest.

cozietoesie · 28/09/2015 13:52

A PP mentioned getting a sexual health check and I think I'd do that right away if I were you - you just don't know what he's been doing and with whom.

(They're very easy and straightforward, not at all embarrassing, usually walk in off the street between certain hours. A quick search on the internet will give you your nearest options.)

leghoul · 28/09/2015 13:56

Oh dear, it's worse than one (well, often is) I see he's coming with the excuses thick and fast trying to cling to his comfortable home and life. Arse.

Iseeall · 28/09/2015 13:59

We're still silent. I'm hoping for more.
Hearing his drivel is kind of soothing. Not the right word I know. I mean it like i wasn't crazy or jealous or suspicious I was right all along.
Has anyone else felt like that.

Also I'm sure he thinks i have an informer

OP posts:
Diamondsmiles · 28/09/2015 14:01

I guess he can't go to the OW if he didn't manage to get through any of the condoms on their trip. Doesn't sound like she wants him.

hellsbellsmelons · 28/09/2015 14:06

"don't assume that I am stupid, just because you are"
Love it - I am soooo stealing that one!

Keep going OP. Can you get out of the house?
Is there anyone you can meet up with for a chat?

ohtheholidays · 28/09/2015 14:09

What a Tit he is Iseeall!

Hold onto the boarding passes,find out if there's someway that you can check his phone ect,computer in the house that he uses then when he's not around I'd be checking his history,emails received and sent,FB,deleted files,recycling bin on the computer.

Is there anywhere else in the house that he could be hiding evidence of the affair as well?An old wallet or briefcase,a coat or jacket he hasn't worn for a while,another mobile phone,a filing system,paperwork that's stored at home in the garage or shed or that's being stored at your Mum's house,the attic.Also checking old phone bills and bank statements would be a good idea bank statements especially if you have a joint account.

Good luck OP and stand your ground with him,he's the problem and he's the one that's caused all this not you and he knows it Flowers

Iseeall · 28/09/2015 14:10

He's desperate to know how I know. Won't let it rest.

OP posts:
Iseeall · 28/09/2015 14:12

Ok. Now I'm mental. Apparently

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/09/2015 14:13

Only one answer to that last one: "Do you really think so?" with a cynical smile

SlightlyJaded · 28/09/2015 14:14

I would absolutely stonewall him now. He deserves nothing better than uncertainty which will make him squirm with fear far more than if you reveal all your cards.

Just keep repeating the phrase: I know, my solicitor knows, I have evidence and so does the solicitor. Please leave now. I will be speaking to our families this week.

I might ask him why the random informant is more important than the destruction of his entire marriage though.

Tears and begging will me an appear soon I suspect. OP you are doing fantastically. We are all here on Team Op.

molyholy · 28/09/2015 14:15

He is getting himself all twisted in knots. The silence must be driving him insane!

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 28/09/2015 14:15

I was going to say that Diamondsmiles ....do you think this was a business trip where he was expecting All The Extras and she turned him down? Hence the full box of condoms? And the vile temper and excessive texting to and fro on his return
...he went all out to get his way and she is keeping her distance, and now he thinks she has informed you?

SlightlyJaded · 28/09/2015 14:15

*make an appearance soon

stupid iPad

Cherrybakewells1 · 28/09/2015 14:16

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TheCunkOfPhilomena · 28/09/2015 14:17

Wow Iseeall, you are doing amazingly. What a vile little man has shown himself to be.

I know that you may have tough times ahead but for now, give yourself a huge pat on the back. Oh, and call family and friends and tell them Thanks

Iseeall · 28/09/2015 14:19

Thinks I owe it to him to tell him our I know.
I should have changed and chased after him cos he's such hot stuff apparently. Ugh.

Bring on the next cliche.

OP posts:
AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 28/09/2015 14:19

Be careful OP. The last thing you want is to send him over the edge into rage. He (wrongly obviously) thinks this is your fault, and that means he may feel utterly justified to get physical if he feels you're "taunting" him by not telling him what he needs to know. You know him better than us, but please make sure you don't put yourself in an unsafe position.

You need to let someone (family or friend) know what's going on, preferably having them come over to you or you going over to them. I don't think being alone with him while he winds himself up more and more is a good idea.

BeachysFlipFlops · 28/09/2015 14:20

It's hard to know where to go from here, as he's not remorseful at all, just angry at being rumbled.

I'm not sure I'd bother with any other evidence. Concentrate your efforts on him leaving,and certainly involve a rl friend to support you.

You will be exhausted tonight. Do you have dc at home tonight?

Cherrybakewells1 · 28/09/2015 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.