Is this a red flag? "I've never been in a relationship with someone who's my equal before."

[JasmineBuckles]

It's a very new relationship. He's been nothing but respectful, lovely and kind so far.

He's said a couple of times that this is a different dynamic than he's used to. He's very alpha, I can tell he would like to be the man who looks after me and 'saves' me from my (rather marvellous, but busy) life.

However, after leaving an abusive relationship three years ago and doing a LOT of work on myself I think I have pretty robust self esteem and a set of healthy boundaries. I'm also very self sufficient and independent. My life is great already, he's a really nice addition.

When I asked him to elaborate, he said that he's used to charming people, and I'm impervious. He actually has to be himself to keep me interested.
But does that mean that he's spent his entire adult life going out with women who he considers beneath him? And not his equal? And is that a red flag?

op you've been hooked. He's pumping his fist in the air and telling his buddies' RESULT!"

"I deserve you" - fucking hell. I hope you told him how utterly insulting that is. He may not have meant it as such but the implication is you're a reward. He may feel lucky to have found you after some bad times but a reward is something that reflects on the winner, the reward itself is just a shiny trophy.

Since he at least appears to be a good guy, just tell him straight out when he pulls this crap.

You have recognised the danger signals.

Follow your instincts (dump him) and continue with your marvellous and busy life, which sounds far more rewarding than him.

The 'I deserve you' comment is fucking weird. As you say, it's arise about tit. Seems like a pretty narcissistic thing to say to me.

Well, if his dishonesty hasn’t sent you running for the hills already, the next point where things will probably go wrong is when you stop being willing or able to just “breeze in and out” of his life. He can play Father Christmas brilliantly when he feels like but these are just one-off treats. They can’t be relied on. A long-term relationship needs mutual support as well as treats, and mutual support means looking after someone when they need it, not just when he wants to. He’s already told you that women with needs are not his equals. And who doesn’t need looking after sometimes?

He may give you loads of attention and care when it suits him but that wont match up with when you’re down and need them most. You may have to hide your real needs and dependencies from him, protect him from them, or he’ll disappear or turn nasty. So don’t get into a ”for better or worse, in sickness and health” situation with him. The “breeze in and out” lifestyle is what works for him, and to keep that up for much longer you might need to see him a lot less often than you do at present.

From what he says he has no insight into his own behaviour or what he’s getting you into and when it all goes tits-up he might just blame you. Why can’t women breeze into his life and stay strong without ever needing to be looked after, forever? See how many treats he gives them – why isn’t that enough? And why do all these gold-digging women pretend to be strong and then get all high maintenance and demanding? Why indeed.....