DP >500k in savings and I have nothing

[Noemie23]

Apologies if this is not in the right place but I feel like this is taking a toll on my relationship.

I'm 27 weeks pregnant. Just finished my first year of university and not entitled to maternity allowance as I have not been working long enough in the last year. I'm also not entitled to income support or job seekers allowance because my DP has more than 500k in savings.

What should I do?

He hates it when I ask him for money and I hate it too because I don't see his money as my money. I want my own money. I've been trying so hard to find a job in the last 3 months with no luck.

I feel like I should claim income support but claim as single. I'm stuck in the house all day with nothing to do and nowhere to go, I'm going mad.

He's a tosser.

You're having a baby together, if you and he can't see yourself as "one family unit" then this 'relationship' will not last.

He either needs tog ive you and your child access to the money, or fuck off.

I can really only see two ways.

Either you are a couple or you are not.

If you are a couple, and parent together, then you should pool finances. At the very least what he earns. Use the savings to buy a place and save on rent (it's also an investment).
Or you should get married and pool finances as well.

Or you are not a couple, separate, ask for child maintenance and get whatever benefits you can get.

Those savings, or a goodly chunk of them, need to be invested properly to give you a decent income and security in later life- leaving half a mill in the bank in these times of low interest rates is bloody crazy. So you both need to go and see a financial advisor or your bank or someone who is independent (and not flogging you investments they get massive commission on.)

Half a mill can set you both up for life if you're canny. A mix of long term and dividend bearing investments and property will sort you right out. Don't leave it lying in the bank!

Both names on the tenancy agreement - non negotiable.

Marriage - will protect you, obviously that's up to you though.

Name change by deed poll? Absolutely not. Baby gets your name. If he wants it to have his name he marries you. Non negotiable.

Sit down and budget - rent, food, baby stuff. How is this going to be paid for? Why is he working part time?

There's no 'helping out' with a baby. It's a 50:50 partnership. You need to make very clear to him that you expect him to step up and care for his child equally.

Finish your education and get a career - I cannot stress this enough. Women have two main ways of achieving security - you're either married to someone who is willing to have a stay at home partner, or you can earn your own money. An unmarried sahm is incredibly vulnerable

Good luck to you. As long as the issue is youth and naivety you will be ok, as long as you get some good financial advice.

Well first of all it is possible to study with a baby, I did it. Though I agree that distance learning is not ideal.

Secondly, I just think what is the point in having loads of money in the bank if the mother of your child is suffering such hardships. I came to Mexico when I was 21 on a long holiday and met a poor but lovely student. I was running out of money and being as frugal as possible. My bf seriously told me off for being proud and not telling him I needed money. He was poor, we had only known each other a month and I certainly wasn't carrying his baby. I couldn't bear to live with a tightarse.

WHAT?! What a selfish, greedy, tightarsed person he is!

You have been together for six years and are having a baby together.

He is behaving dispicably by not reassuring you that he will look after you and the baby. He should offer to pay off your debt and tell you to stop looking for a job so you can relax and stop worrying. You shouldn't have to ask; it should be obvious to him

What's the point of all that money sitting in the bank when you have a real need now?!

He sounds awful.

Apart from the financial abuse he sounds like he's really crap with money. There's no way my equity is going to be sat in a bank depleting. Mines all nicely invested to earn until such time as it's worthwhile having money in the bank again.

Great peggy and when she has children which may impact t on her income you won't expect the father of the child/children to support them?

It takes two to make a baby....financially they should be equally responsible. He doesn't have to hand over his savings, just make reasonable provision for HIS CHILD while the mother of HIS child continues her education so that she CAN be financially secure.

...Have you guys noticed that the op hasn't been back for quite some time now?

Just an update.

He's not interested in marriage. He thinks I'm after his money. I've mad another thread in adoption, because that's what I'm considering right now.

I do feel like I'm seriously fucked. I never wanted children. Why the hell did I allow this to happen? I'm a complete fucking idiot.

This is OP btw.

Sorry to read your update op :(

OP you're not an idiot. And you have a lovely baby coming. I know it must all seem so dark but life can get much better. Be gentle with yourself. x

You aren't an idiot.

You aren't an idiot. He convinced you to continue the pregnancy saying he would take care of you. Fair enough. Now you see he is not really willing to take care of you.

He is the one who has done wrong by misrepresenting himself.

So sorry. I hope you find what is best for you and the baby. Take it easy and search all the options to get what would make you happier.

Terrible. I'm very sorry. I've been there. It will not get better. Run.

That's awful. How can he think you're just after his money when you have been together six years and he wanted you to keep the baby?

To receive income-based JSA, you personally must have less than £16,000 in savings. Your partner's savings are irrelevant here.

==============
If you have a household income of more than £6,000, it will affect how much JSA you get. Income includes money from pensions, earnings or savings.

To get income-based JSA:

you must work less than 16 hours per week on average your partner (if you have one) must work less than 24 hours per week on average you must have £16,000 or less in savings

Oh so sorry to hear that, OP. At least now you know where you stand but he is a fucking bastard

If you decide to keep the baby, do not put him on the birth cert and do get child support from him.

I'm sorry OP.
In some ways it's probably my better that you have seen the real him now rather than a few years down the lines but it still hurts doesn't it?

Take your time and consider all your options. Clearly having a baby wasn't what you wanted. Adoption would be one possible answer fur you. Have a look too at how you could live on your own with a child and don't forget that you are allowed to change your mind a million times between now and the birth. And even after the birth (it dies change things). Knowledge of what is possible it not will make your decision a bit easier.

If you have a partner who you are living with you need to claim as a household. Partner's savings will be taken into account.

you shouldnt be forced to look for work at 27 weeks.
Nor will studying with a young baby work, not without heavy support anyway.

That's not what the website I quoted says, Grief

I am sorry, but that is wrong. If you look at the gov direct website for eligibility for income support it states that your partner's savings are taken into account. Otherwise what would stop the partner (for example) of a lottery winner claiming benefits just because they don't need to work?