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Original poster

DP >500k in savings and I have nothing

181 replies

Noemie23 · 20/09/2015 09:05

Apologies if this is not in the right place but I feel like this is taking a toll on my relationship.

I'm 27 weeks pregnant. Just finished my first year of university and not entitled to maternity allowance as I have not been working long enough in the last year. I'm also not entitled to income support or job seekers allowance because my DP has more than 500k in savings.

What should I do?

He hates it when I ask him for money and I hate it too because I don't see his money as my money. I want my own money. I've been trying so hard to find a job in the last 3 months with no luck.

I feel like I should claim income support but claim as single. I'm stuck in the house all day with nothing to do and nowhere to go, I'm going mad.

OP posts:
suzannecaravan · 20/09/2015 10:48

I wonder if he'd still be against marriage if you were the one with half a million in the bank?

PacificDogwod · 20/09/2015 10:48

Oh ok, that's good.

Do you/does he have a financial advisor?
You should make a trip to CAB or your bank for a longterm financial plan.

You must talk about the finances.

fastdaytears · 20/09/2015 10:55

This makes no sense. Why is that much money sat in savings when you don't even have a house?
Was there a discussion about money and marriage when he wanted you to keep this baby?

evelynj · 20/09/2015 11:06

I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt here. This post comes across a bit man hating imo. Yes you need to talk to him but on the upside it doesn't sound like he's being irresponsible with the money-good as he's not a high earner & this money is a real opportunity for your future-assuming your relationship is otherwise stable & he wants a long term future.

Op, are you extravagant with money in his opinion? You need to state to him that you are missing put on MA & if he takes care of rent, utilities & groceries, suggest an amount that he transfers monthly to your account so you have some independence.

PacificDogwod · 20/09/2015 11:09

I don't think that there has been anything 'man hating' here - none of us know either the OP nor her P.
However the facts as stated are that she is pregnant, by him, he has a lump sum of money, he makes little money in his job, she won't be able to earn much at all just now AND there is a baby on its way - that is the game changer.
It is both their baby, but it appears the OP is doing most of the fretting here.

RJnomaaaaaargh · 20/09/2015 11:11

Ok thank you for answering my questions noemie. It put some of my concerns to rest about the power dynamics. I'm not going to slag him off - yet - I think you need to sit him down and talk to him. His reaction to that will determine how you move forward. I'm hoping he maybe doesn't actually realise your finances as you don't appear to have discussed it with him. You need to,

And as others have said, you may want to think about buying property, it's mad to be paying rent and have that sort of obey sitting there. It's usually a good investment over time as well.
Good luck but I cannot stress enough how much you need to be talking treacherous other.

RJnomaaaaaargh · 20/09/2015 11:12

Huh? Talking to each other! Sorry!

LieselVonTwat · 20/09/2015 11:13

Re benefits- you can still claim tax credits regardless of level of savings, so it would be possible for you to live on his wage plus top ups. Not saying this is necessarily a good idea or thing, just it's an option.

c4kedout · 20/09/2015 11:17

wouldn't tax credits take the interest of savings into account? Suppose the interest on 500k is substantial and therefore will very much affect tax credits.

fastdaytears · 20/09/2015 11:17

Does he plan on earning more? Why does he work PT?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 20/09/2015 11:25

I agree with PP's. You are both so naive. He also sounds selfish and spoiled. You are in a very perilous position. What if he decides that fatherhood isnt for him and he wants you to leave? You arent on the tenancy, so you'd probably have to go. You wouldnt get much in CM since he works part time.

I think you will be left holding the baby eventually.

trufflehunterthebadger · 20/09/2015 11:30

is the money in trust until he reaches 25, this would explain the situation re rented property etc

SouthWestmom · 20/09/2015 11:30

I'm reading it that they met at 17 and have both gone to the same university where they are renting as they don't know where they will work eventually, post degree. The baby wasn't planned and he works part time to avoid eating into his capital.??Now, op has completed a year of uni but needs to finish? And lives with him but it's almost as though they are ignoring the capital. ??

trufflehunterthebadger · 20/09/2015 11:32

this would be normal on an inheritance this size, our money is tied up in a trust fund for DD until her 25th birthday in the even of our death, she cannot touch it

LieselVonTwat · 20/09/2015 11:34

Oh yes they would consider interest, assuming he's had the brains to put it somewhere with some actual return.

PacificDogwod · 20/09/2015 11:35

Noeuf, that would make sense.

fastdaytears · 20/09/2015 11:36

truffle it could well be couldn't it. If it is and terms are discretionary (which would expect) then the capital won't be taken into account for benefits as it's not "his" yet. Different if he's already getting all the income.

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 20/09/2015 11:36

It sounds like you'll be better off if you moved out with the baby. He begged you to keep the baby but didn't he realise that the baby will grow into a child/teenager/young adult that he still needs to provide for?
I think you need to get over the money issue and sit down to work out income and outgoings with dp to find out exactly where he thinks the money is going to come from for the baby.

SouthWestmom · 20/09/2015 11:57

I think he needs to accept that his choice has now altered the course of his life. You both need to come up with a plan. How will you finish your studies? Does it make sense to buy somewhere, he completes his studies and then you do? (Friend did this) this would allow you both to get your degrees but he would start his career earlier.

winchester1 · 20/09/2015 12:19

I've studied ft with both my babies each time the course started the week before I gave birth. It was hard but doable if that's what you what, although your oh doing their share of the house and baby work is very important.
Assuming he isn't being financially controlling on purpose you need to sit down together and work out a budget that should include you both having equal spare money for extra like going out for a coffee, your extra cash should not be used to by baby stuff as that should be in the main budget.

magoria · 20/09/2015 13:05

He was 19 when he got this money. Not many 19 year olds know where their life is going.

That he hasn't invested in bricks doesn't mean he is crap with money.

It is somewhat to his credit that he is working if he is studying and that he didn't blow it all.

Until OP sits down and has a proper conversation about how this is affecting her then he may think everything is carrying on as before. If he has had this money for 4 years then OP if she has been living with him would have been in the same position financially with or with out being pregnant. OP has said she is going to apply for a student loan as before. There is no baby yet so he doesn't see the effect.

CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 20/09/2015 13:21

The babies not here yet so nobody knows his plans re providing. Maybe he doesn't want to touch the capital and wants to live off his salary as he has been doing.

The OP plans to continue to study and not use childcare so they should easily be able to carry on as before. Babies don't cost much where no childcare is needed.

Once the course is over she can start her career just like he can.

The emphasis is not on him alone to support them just because he's male and happens to have money. He would be very wise to protect himself as would she if the situation was reversed.

PollyGone · 20/09/2015 13:29

Noemie, why not get your DP to see a financial advisor, who would probably suggest that he invests in property. He may take the advice from someone impartial. I inherited a substantial amount when I was the same age, and wasted valuable time before I invested it, as no-one advised me.

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe · 20/09/2015 13:40

Good grief. I am at a loss to know where to start with this thread.

Upon reflection, I think I'll start with your DP is a unbelievably selfish, childish prick and I would recommend you leave immediately and do this on your own. If you've been with him for 6 whole years and you find yourself in this position I can't see this getting any better for you going forward. He sounds like miserly cunt who wants to keep his money in a nice big pile and count it while he drip feeds the pennies to you and his child.

AyeAmarok · 20/09/2015 14:34

Same, Leave. Very Sad