DP >500k in savings and I have nothing

[Noemie23]

Apologies if this is not in the right place but I feel like this is taking a toll on my relationship.

I'm 27 weeks pregnant. Just finished my first year of university and not entitled to maternity allowance as I have not been working long enough in the last year. I'm also not entitled to income support or job seekers allowance because my DP has more than 500k in savings.

What should I do?

He hates it when I ask him for money and I hate it too because I don't see his money as my money. I want my own money. I've been trying so hard to find a job in the last 3 months with no luck.

I feel like I should claim income support but claim as single. I'm stuck in the house all day with nothing to do and nowhere to go, I'm going mad.

Look. It's fine for him to keep his inheritance to himself. I mean it's a bit odd if you're a partnership but hey, you aren't married, you didn't earn it.
What is not fine is him continuing to earn money and keep it to himself while you panic about making ends meet.
When you have the baby you need him to fund the rent, bills and essential spending like baby items, transport for you etc. You also need to have access to money for things like clothes and haircuts.
If your total household income doesn't stretch far between both of you then you both go without haircuts etc. But what he gets, you should get.
Then when you start earning or bringing in money you contribute to the pot.

Don't change your surname to his is it Nutella

Another one saying this is worrying Noemie! You're no longer just advocating for yourself and you can't afford to just try and be a good keeps-quiet-about-money-troubles sort of partner. You're going to be a mum and your little one needs you to get this sorted out, one way or another.????Out of curiosity, did he want to be a dad? Does he know what that entails? (Eg paying for things?) what do his parents think about a new grandchild coming along? ????And no of course no one's "entitled" to someone else's money, but a partnership is just that, and I'm another one who shares everything. What would he expect you to do if you won the lottery and he went bankrupt or something? Can he not emphasise with you? I don't think he necessarily sounds abusive but he does sound like a dick.

So he has a pissy little job and is hoarding his savings and not helping you!?

What? Has he career plans?

Oh, I don't' think any body here is suggesting the OP should have all of the 500K, but a joint account that covers the kind of things that Artandco listed must be aimed for.

Marriage is about far more than the name (I never changed mine), it's about a legal protection that often is more important for the woman, particularly when children come in to the mix.

I agree, it does not sound like the OP's P is intentionally financially abusive, but she is in a horribly vulnerable positions.
Noemie, does it help that we are all saying this is not normal? It sounds like your parents' relationship was not a great one, but there are others out there in which 2 people work together towards a common goal, like raising a family.

Did you have a rough childhood, love?

Do you have friends? Good friends?

How are his family with you?

I know sometimes these threads can be overwhelming in their criticism of your dp and the life you're currently living but you haven't come on here to complain about it and we still seen what's going on. That should tell you how bad this is!

He's being abusive and controlling and you are so, so young. You have your whole life ahead of you and you're wasting it with him.

There is help available, if you decide to go it alone.

Oh jeez just seen eh only earns £200 a week. You're fucked then as he can't afford to keep you all on his income and you won't get benefits with those savings.
If I were you I'd leave the fucker and claim benefits on my own.

Was he thrilled when you announced you were pregnant?

Yes. I wanted an abortion because I wanted to continue with my education and get my career going. But he told me everything will be fine, that he would take care of me. He begged me to keep this baby.

How confusing that you both started a family, and assumed both happy with this and planned, and at the same time he does not want to marry or have a "serious" relationship with you (one where you can talk about things, and share responsibilities).

It sounds like a very loose boyfriend-girlfriend scenario, where maybe he thinks someone else will come along for him some day.

He just doesn't sound committed. Did he want to start a family? if so, did you really never talk about finances?

You need to talk about how you are going to live, and if you are going to have an actual relationship.

Oh my, I've just seen he world part-time and makes little money.

Does he use his inheritance for day to day costs then??

You both needs financial advice, love, you really do.

works

Bugger it, both of you come across as so young and naive, but that may be my bitter middle-agedness coming through.

He begged you to keep 'his' baby?
You did not have a termination because of this??
He is now not stepping up?

I think you are both going to have a rude awakening, I am sorry.

There is nothing more grown-up than having a baby together - this is going to be the making or breaking of you.

Please, please, seek RL advice and support.

Is he studying too?

So you are now completely dependent on him, yet he won't marry you...

I hope you are going to charge him nanny rates for looking after the child he desperately wanted, or is he expecting you to do it for free with no funds for anything from him?

Why did you not discuss specifics when he begged you to keep the baby? Why didn't you make it a condition that you got married?!

Aaaargh!

I would have a clear conversation with him about what you need - he needs to give you an income while you're not able to work/study, the baby will be taking your name (and BTW I would go and register her myself and NOT put his name on birth certificate until he's proved he's a decent father), and he needs to buy a house from his savings and you are 50% owner. If he's not willing then move out and claim benefits and maintenance - you'll be better off.

HIBVU

Are you and he of different nationalities? You say he inherited from a well known overseas business. Are you native to the country you are living in ? It's a wild stab in the dark but I have come across situations where someone has a baby with a UK national, they establish a 'right to family life' for a claim to remain in the UK. This is allowed without the need to be married. (Insanity imho) apologies if wide of the mark, but he sounds very selfish and keen to keep everything of 'his' to himself.

Blimey Peggy you are a piece of work. I sincerely hope you don't have any daughters.

He begged her to keep the baby, as such he has as much financial responsibility for the child as she does. You don't believe that then you have a big problem. Where on earth did you get your ideas? You sound right out of the 18th century.

He said he'd take care of you. Leaving you with money worries is not taking care of you. You should also know that you may not be able to claim benefits as you are living with him. The fact he won't support you means nothing to the authorities as they would expect him to share with you.

Partners support each other and share willingly with each other. There are lots of threads on here about financial abuse. Read them. Get yourself and him a reality check!

Yes, I've been wondering about the nationality issue as well.

Are you living in the UK, Noemie?

This all em reads like a horrific car crash happening in slow motion!

What on earth is his mindset to not prepare financially for his pregnant partner and his soon to be baby? Why is he renting? Why not buy a nice family home with a small mortgage and both your names on the deeds?
Why doesn't he take care of bills while you study and then at the end- after hers invested that in you- you go out to work.

He should have prepared for his family and to see you out looking for work or claiming some kind of benefit is revolting.

What a a selfish selfish man

Is his family involved much in his life OP? He needs to buy a home, support you through your degree, marry you and work towards a career.

Money he inherited 4 years ago.

Then why the hell are you still in rented.

This man is crap with money. That £500k invested in property in 2011 would mean he would have £600k now. Why is he so obsessed in you wasting money when he is the worse culprit he is not only wasting money on rent each month his £500k is getting lower and lower in value each month.

Also remember emotional support costs nothing, it won't buy nappies, clothes and food for your child.

We're both British. His grandfather was the overseas business owner who he inherited the money from.

he sounds like a 14 year old who has no idea about adult responsibilies :(