For those of you who do online dating, what tips do you have and what have you learned

[bodenbiscuit]

From experience?

What are the signs a man is actually going to be worth your time?

Do you think a decent man should want to go out for dinner? I am in two minds about this. If it's a distaster you don't want to be stuck for hours. OTOH I think if someone suggests dinner it shows that they are more willing to make an effort to spend time talking, not getting drunk and increasing their chances of getting laid!

I would say avoid men with shirtless photos. I had one guy message me that he had been sleeping with his best friend's girlfriend while the friend was on holiday - how to make a good impression!

Allegedly.

oh yeh, I'm happy being single! but I do need to be more pro-active. Since I left my x, I've had two short relationships in 8 years. So it doesn't just happen naturally for me, or at least, if it does, only on average once every four years.

lol! a man asleep in his chair.

yeh, there's one of a guy lying on a sofa and he's made himself 90% big belly. It must be an experiment!

it's a selfie

re: men sprawled on sofa and other crap random profile pics:
i never cease to be amazed at how little effort some men go to in order to try and find a woman.
when i see the effort women make and how little men offer in return, well its all a bit depressing really.

I did online dating and it was how I met my DH,we've been together nearly 10 years now and he's here to stay

For me,the message he sent me was very sweet and inocent,no smut like I got of a lot of the other men.He was also like myself not long out of a serious relationsip where he'd been treated awfully(as had I)and was seeking a divorce,I was divorced myself.

He took things really slowly at first and was very open with me,he loved my sense of humor and I could make him laugh easily and he made me laugh alot.A great sense of humor ranks far higher for me than things like looks.Although as far as I'm concerned he is gorgeous,he keeps telling me my eyesights going

He always showed real interest in everything I had to say,even after not knowing me for long he'd spoke to his closest friends about me like he was really proud of me and what I'd achieved,I was a single Mum to 4DC(he had no children but wanted children)I was attending college,working part time and was vice chair of a suretart.

We had some differences but with the most important things we were very alike,I knew he'd never harm a women,child or animal,he'd never done drugs,didn't smoke,wasn't a heavy drinker,was very protective of his friends and family and was very close with them all,he'd became a Policeman just because he wanted to help and protect people and he was a great believer in supporting charitys.

yeh. I've read hundreds of profiles and I must have sent about twenty messages to men whose profiles made them seem good company, interesting and clever. So few have replied. It is demoralising. What are they looking for? A younger version of me I think. And I'm already younger than these guys I'm messaging! Just, not by a decade.

I messaged a guy today and I pressed send and it said your message hasn't gone. He had his settings so that nobody over 40 could message him. He was 46

this is not criticism, and I know if I get this far, I will find it hard to say this, but had you had that discussion (very american) "are we exclusive?"

I am very cynical now. In my youth I'd have assumed it!!

Another thing I've learnt is a: Ignore the big talkers. We'll travel to NZ...Australia, buy a cottage in the country, whatever. Whilst it's nice to share dreams, it's too easy to imagine them as realities and be swayed.

Broken- he's one awful arse. You could have met him in a bar, don't think that behaviour is part of OLD exclusively. Must have really hurt though. Next time leave on sight of the bedroom. He didn't value you enough to make an effort. He'll probably do the same to the next woman

I've just dated someone a lot older. When I ended it his comments about finding someone else were revealing. Basically he was bemoaning his chances but when I suggested he went for women closer to his age to increase his chance of success, I might as well have said 'pick another gender' because his reaction suggested that was never going to happen.

I really do find relationships a lot of hassle these days. I am very seasoned however. I was married 3 times before living with my ds's father and I wasn't happy with any of them once.....!

All they do is cause chaos. They don't understand things like women do nor do they communicate properly. They are quite selfish and don't make enough effort to keep a relationship alive or a person even interested and this is apparent right from the off.

For some reason they also always think single parents need rescuing and are in some sort of jam with their life and that we should buckle down and be grateful. I mean really!!

I have also found that we we get older naturally there are less and less single men out there and the ones that are single are invariably single for a reason i.e. poverty/poor mental health/alcohol addiction/bossy and controlling/sleep around a lot etc. Nobody else wants them so why should we? They have more freedom to get out and about whereas our time is severely limited in terms of socialising and meeting up with even female friends never mind a bloke!!

I have also found single men to be exceedingly emotionally needy whereas us single parents have had to toughen up and man up. We are more a man than they are!!

I really do not think I am at all wrong in this.

That said I am peace with it all as I don't feel I am losing out. I just get casual sex online for a bit of you know what and it doesn't damage me emotionally at all. In addition I have a handiman for the requisite gardening and diy help - other than that what use is a man after all!

i never cease to be amazed at how little effort some men go to in order to try and find a woman

Yes! The last guy I slept with (despite it being totally on the cards that I was going back to his) hadn't bought condoms or put the bedding on his bed. I had to wait while he searched for his duvet cover for about 10 minutes. Dick.

He also told me that lots of men wouldn't be interested in me because I have a child. Why I didn't fuck him off sooner I don't know.

I used OLD for a couple of years, meeting DH. So, I guess it was successful.

Also two medium length relationships.

However there are a lot of chancers on there too.

Some were great at the online chat, text here and there but when it came to the actual meeting they bailed. So either playing the field, or cold feet.

I found that a fair bit of messaging first helped to decide who was a likely bet to turn up. MSN messaging back in the day.

First meet: always keep it brief I often chose a town centre bar that I was comfortable in.

Just think of it as online shopping. Weed out the ones who sound flaky.

One of my pet hates is men who "like" your profile, or tick yes to "meet me", you get a mutual like so message them ... nothing. I don't get it!

It is depressing when you think someone seems like a great match, you appear to tick all their boxes too but they never reply!

For those saying they hate the "hi" messages, if you're on POF you can adjust your settings to first message being a minimum of X amount of characters so they can't just send that.

Also hate those.who reply to any questions etc just with the answer, nothing else no "what about you?" type things, doesn't really get conversation going!

For first dates, a quick drink is fine. I've had a coffee at 3.30pm which ended with me coming home (alone!) at 9pm - the guy was.lovely and we're still friends but I knew immediately there was no attraction.

Meet up as soon as you can. Trust your gut - after a date or two with the first man i went out with I think I knew there was a lot about him that wasn't for me but I continued seeing him!

With every date I feel like I'm getting more of a picture of what I'm after so it's not always a waste of time!

I've found another kiss of death is when someone either asks you how long you've been on the site, or "how you are finding it".

Flowerpower - I have to say that I agree with you! What a sad state of affairs eh? :(

I think the ones that never actually meet up are often married or in relationships. One guy I was talking to turned out to have a wife and 3 month old baby.

What do you all think about photos taken from strange angles and when not one of the photos is really clear?

"I've found another kiss of death is when someone either asks you how long you've been on the site, or "how you are finding it".

Well further to that what are the contributors opinions on these sites? I've heard rumour that POF uis a bit of a rough one whereas Match .com is seemingly better.

And what happened to the old "dating agency" are they still around and in operation?, in my back yard they seem to all be London based?.

Anyone?.

I don't think POF is rough, I just think it has a higher volume (though not necessarily ratio) of chaff compared to wheat because it's free. It's luck of the draw. I've had some nice dates with someone I met on POF.

urbane sadly lots of men seem to be put off by women messaging first. It's weird. Anytime I have tried it I haven't had a response, even on tinder where you are already matched