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Original poster

For those of you who do online dating, what tips do you have and what have you learned

315 replies

bodenbiscuit · 14/09/2015 10:03

From experience?

What are the signs a man is actually going to be worth your time?

Do you think a decent man should want to go out for dinner? I am in two minds about this. If it's a distaster you don't want to be stuck for hours. OTOH I think if someone suggests dinner it shows that they are more willing to make an effort to spend time talking, not getting drunk and increasing their chances of getting laid!

I would say avoid men with shirtless photos. I had one guy message me that he had been sleeping with his best friend's girlfriend while the friend was on holiday - how to make a good impression!

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 15/09/2015 12:35

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Paoseo · 15/09/2015 12:36

I had just arrived in UK when I started using a dating online website, I was alone, without friends and I used it only for meeting new people and practice my English. Nothing really serious. Usually before meeting anyone I tried to exchange few emails just to understand the type of person. The funny part of the story is that I had just told myself I was not looking for anyone in my life when I started chatting with a guy that I met after a month....this happened two years ago and now I'm living with him, we will have a baby in December and next September we are getting married!!!! LOL, luckily I did not want to really meet anyone!!! ????

MarsTwirl · 15/09/2015 12:48

Look out for signs and be really realistic about what kind of man you want. If you hate festivals, very big nights out drinking/clubbing etc then don't meet with a man who is pictured doing those things. If he is topless, taking a selfie, with a gang of mates which you know are not the kind of people you'd usualyl socialise with, don't start imagining that it's ok and you'll become someone who fits with him. If you aren't super fashionable don't meet with a man who is into fashion... etc. If you are a professional woman don't meet with a man who has no job. Think about what you value but also what you know deep down will be what you want, not what you could want.
FInd out as much as possible, get their surname (if you add them on whatsapp it usually comes up) and google them. Find out where they are from, their family etc. I'd rather be in the know early and be honest with myself whether I fit with that than waste time.
Sounds obvious but lots of people don't filter enough and think well you never know, he looks nice and if funny so I could become that/fit that too.

pocketsaviour · 15/09/2015 13:04

If I rocked up at a guys place and it was a tip, my knickers would stay up no matter how horny I'd been up to that point. Filth = instant lady boner killer. I'll just go home and have a wank in my CLEAN bedding!

brokenhearted55a · 15/09/2015 13:11

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Theoscargoesto · 15/09/2015 13:53

This is at once helpful and deeply depressing! I was married for 28 years to a man who left last December and is now living with (of course) a younger woman he met at work......a real cliche. I am 55, and contemplating OLD, as it seems impossible to meet unattached men in real life. I tried meet up type things, but the nights out I went on made me really glad to be going home alone! I know I don't yet have the skin of a rhino, but feel I want to start practising, at least, for a new relationship.

I had thought my one rule would be, if they can't spell, I am not interested.

So, lovely people on here, do I sign up, and if I do, what sort of sites do I sign up to? if I have inadvertently hijacked this thread and would be better starting a new one, please say (and I will).

SoleBizzzz · 15/09/2015 13:54

A man who I met online took his penis out in the cafe. I was so insulted and I felt absolutely degraded ad disgusting. I got up quickly whilst saying how could you do that? he had a huge penis ugh, filthy pig.

LoisPuddingLane · 15/09/2015 14:08

That's so unhygienic.

Blossomflowers · 15/09/2015 14:58

I was contacted by this guy recently who had awesome model photos, I was pretty certain they were not him but played along anyway, he eventually sent me his real photos and gues what short fat farmer type. When I did not reply he went on a rant and called me shallow.lol. ass hole

UrbaneFox · 15/09/2015 14:59

Theoscargoesto , if you don't want your self-esteem destroyed, I'd put up a profile that shows you clearly, lists your interests, and says that you want to date somebody near your own age. Set your settings so that nobody too much older than you can message you. Ignore any nonsense.......... and just wait.

i think i was too pro-active. I was messaging people I liked the sound of, and they just didn't reply. So, i'd suggest doing it as a thing to have in the back of your mind. Not something you're obsessively checking ever few hours like I was.

UrbaneFox · 15/09/2015 15:01

Blossomflowers! He was hoping you'd feel obligated to PROVE you weren't shallow! mmmm how to prove you're not shallow! By shagging the short fat red faced angry farmer I bet!?

brokenhearted55a · 15/09/2015 15:09

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Blossomflowers · 15/09/2015 16:49

broken they all say that.

brokenhearted55a · 15/09/2015 17:01

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Blossomflowers · 15/09/2015 17:12

Maybe we are the only ones who look like out photos, lol. Think it is a flattery thing some men use, Sorry I sound like a right cynical baggage today.

CocoPlum · 15/09/2015 17:15

Oh, I also cannot abide men with really ridiculous user names. One on my local POF list used to call himself the boobie bandit. He's changed it but it's not much better now. I can see his opening profile sentence and it starts on about how women need to understand not all men look like Channing Tatum ... it's rather off putting.

UrbaneFox · 15/09/2015 18:11

I had one guy ASK me how recent my photo was. I said "may, of this year, that recent enough?". I think I look better in real life. So I would be very Hmm is somebody implied I'd misled them with a flattering photo as such thing doesn't exist!

Awholelottanosy · 15/09/2015 18:52

I recently joined OKCupid and I can't believe how many men from foreign countries message me. USA, Turkey,Israel,Dubai, I mean why? What is the point of it? Such a waste of time! Also young men young enough to be my son...

LoisPuddingLane · 15/09/2015 19:12

I recently had a date with a guy off OKC. Quite nice, sexy, etc. We had a bit of messaging after and tried to find a day we were both free to meet again. I left it in his court and haven't heard from him for a few days. I just got this message from him which I don't really understand but seems to be all kinds of fucked-up.

If I don't message you...Lol

And that's it. I'm not even going to dignify it by replying.

ToGoBoldly · 15/09/2015 19:32

Confused what an oddball, Lois...

UrbaneFox · 15/09/2015 20:01

wow. I thought I'd arranged to meet some guy as well but then after we'd arranged the time and the place and the day (which is the hardest part I think!) he just ceased communication. Weird.

lois what had you said to him before that message? It is baffling. Is it the answer to something? Confused

Trills · 15/09/2015 20:02

I have a particular hatred for the banal "how was your weekend?"

Just be honest, write "I'd like to talk to you but I am too lazy to come up with anything interesting to say so I'm going to put the onus on you to start the conversation"

LoisPuddingLane · 15/09/2015 20:15

what had you said to him before that message?

Nowt. We'd been having a text conversation six days ago about finding a day to meet up. I was busy then he was busy so I said he should suggest a day. He was going to look at his work schedule and let me know. There was a bit of desultory flirting after that but nothing for the last six days.

LoisPuddingLane · 15/09/2015 20:25

I guess it could have been meant for someone else.

DollyTwat · 15/09/2015 21:15

I agree with all the things listed to avoid

All men with a big fish/snowboarding etc
Pictures with children
Wedding picture with the wife photoshopped out
Naked picture
Group pictures
Drunken pictures
Car or football slogans

But I've also found that if someone is not a natural conversationalist online, they are practically mute in real life.

I've had a date with someone who was practically living in a shoebox to be near his kids and who assured me he wasn't getting back with his ex because he asked her last week and she said no.

One who lived on a tall ship giving tuition to people, who upgraded the ship from being owned by someone else to being HIS ship and who didn't seem to know how to have a conversation.

One who was a Ricky jervais lookalike but who had never been told that, wasn't amused by the fact, wasn't funny at all and who moaned about his ex constantly. I didn't even finish my lemonade, I left and said I had to go!

One who was really lovely but I was transfixed by his stubby thumbs

Me who looked quite hit but sent me a pic of his cock the night before our date, so I shared it with ALL my mates and laughed at it. And blocked him.

I just meet for a quick coffee now Grin

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