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Original poster

For those of you who do online dating, what tips do you have and what have you learned

315 replies

bodenbiscuit · 14/09/2015 10:03

From experience?

What are the signs a man is actually going to be worth your time?

Do you think a decent man should want to go out for dinner? I am in two minds about this. If it's a distaster you don't want to be stuck for hours. OTOH I think if someone suggests dinner it shows that they are more willing to make an effort to spend time talking, not getting drunk and increasing their chances of getting laid!

I would say avoid men with shirtless photos. I had one guy message me that he had been sleeping with his best friend's girlfriend while the friend was on holiday - how to make a good impression!

OP posts:
BoldFox · 24/09/2015 23:21

I just had a message from a legoverlad, asking me if I wanted to go camping in his two man tent. This was his first message. I said no thank you, but congratulations on having the sleaziest screen name. He replies ''you're a boring prude''.

MadeMan · 25/09/2015 01:05

"...or photos where they're not looking at the camera and it's a funny angle"

Apparently, staring straight at the camera can sometimes make a person look like a prison inmate, so by facing away and at an angle it lends the photo a wistful gazing-into-the-middle-distance catalogue effect. Apparently.

30somethingandticking · 25/09/2015 08:57

Never did OLD but gave friends who do. Was interested that many posters above said they didn't like photos of blokes with their kids. Am I missing something? What is so bad about that?

ToGoBoldly · 25/09/2015 08:59

I think it's a bit of an invasion of the kids' privacy to splash their faces all over a dating site. I certainly wouldn't like it if a friend (or indeed my mother) put a joint photo of us up in their profile, I don't think it's fair on a child. I wouldn't rule out dating a parent but I think your profile photos should be of you alone.

pocketsaviour · 25/09/2015 11:45

I agree, I wouldn't want to see my son's photo on a dating site. There's a sort of undercurrent of "Hey look, I'm such a great dad!" about it as well, and almost using the child as an advertising point if you know what I mean? Like Date 1, Get Child Free Grin

I don't mind photos where they're not looking at the camera if it looks like a candid snap by a mate - like at a party or something. But if it's obviously staged I do tend to think "God you poser"!

30somethingandticking · 25/09/2015 13:06

Thanks. I am such a internet novice.

BoldFox · 25/09/2015 17:32

I agree, there are a lot of men posing with their grown up daughters (or well, 18 ish and over, not clear) but it's inappropriate. Most girls of that age would die if they thought their dad was pimping them to look NORMAL. And it doesn't work. It makes me think the man has no boundaries.

Muckogy · 25/09/2015 18:34

as said above, some men use photos of themselves with their kids as a way to worm themselves into getting sex.
the message they're trying to give off is: "heeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy, i'm a dad so i must be nice! mustn't i? mustn't i? i mustn't i?" "I'm caring and sharing and A DAD!! what more could you want? i'm a nice guy, honest i am. now get your clothes off."

CocoPlum · 25/09/2015 19:48

I really hate - probably unfairly! - when men say things like "I have two kids who are my world, the best ever" etc ... it feels really forced ("I'm a catch because I love my children!") and also, I have the best children in the world, so ... I much prefer it if they mention that they have them and then I can ask about them.

Also, men who put up profile pics of themselves with beautiful women. Yes, maybe it really is your sister/best mate/cousin but it's also a bit "I'm with a beautiful girl so I can do well"!

BoldFox · 26/09/2015 12:43

Yes, they think it reflects well on them but it doesn't....... It's like ''i'm going to have to make it look like i can do well with women here'' which makes it obviously not the truth.

Trills · 27/09/2015 18:20

You are all more harsh than I am about people who have pics with their kids.

I assume they do it in order to quickly eliminate people who don't want to date someone with kids.

The same way smokers often have a picture of themselves with a cigarette.

A case of if this is a big deal to you, now you know, no need to take things any further.

ToGoBoldly · 27/09/2015 18:28

Fair point, Trills, but I'd rely on them writing "I have children" in their profile, no need to exploit their faces.

Trills · 27/09/2015 18:38

Yes, they could write it down. If everyone actually read things, that would work very well.

But not everyone reads everything that's written - and they could waste a lot of time talking to a non-reader. (I have experience of people who just can't seem to read a simple sentence like "I used to work in X" and ask me what kind of X I do)

Sadly online dating reminds you that half of all people are below average.

Trills · 27/09/2015 18:39

I also think that the word "exploit" is being used wrongly there. I don't like the watering-down of words that should mean something big. If that's exploitation then what word do we use when something more serious is happening?

Trills · 27/09/2015 18:42

I don't dispute that some of them are saying

Look at me I love my kids I do, aren't I great?
(a la Peter Andre)

but there could also be some decent human beings who are just saying

This child is a big part of my life, if that's going a be a problem for you then let's not waste our time

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 27/09/2015 18:44

What really annoys me is the ones who want 50+ photos of you and then they are willing to send you none of them!!

OP posts:
ToGoBoldly · 27/09/2015 20:33

I used exploit in the sense "make full use of and derive benefit from (a resource)", a valid and often used definition.

LoisPuddingLane · 28/09/2015 06:31

OK, remember the If I don't message you...Lol guy?

We did finally meet again and, we did go to bed (he's 20 years younger, it was never going to be a dream match).

It was ok. But he's...prone to some exaggeration. At least I hope he is because he came out with some weird shit.

About how all the milfs (yes, he used that term) he'd been with like it really rough. I don't. He said he was "behaving" himself with me, although he was still a bit like an alien invasion.

About how he can go for hours, like this is a good thing. About a woman who just liked him to go for three or four hours. Seriously? People like that? Anyway, suffice to say, he didn't. (Thank god).

About how he drinks up to ten litres of water a day. I'm no expert, but that's a fuckton of water. Surely you'd be forever pissing, if not actually dead.

About how when he was a student, his girlfriend and he used to do it up to eight times a day, and this went on for three years. How do you even get anything else done? That's about four hours shagging a day...

And this was the most disturbing thing he said (there was other stuff - ladyboys, escorts, etc): that after he had broken up with that girlfriend, her new boyfriend was not fucking her the way she liked, so she paid him 200 euros a time to fuck her roughly until she bled.

I don't think I'll be seeing him again. Even if that's only fantasy, what the actual fucking fucking fuck?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 28/09/2015 07:13

Jesus
Run a fucking mile

LoisPuddingLane · 28/09/2015 07:18

If he should contact me again, I will decline politely. I've never met anyone like that and it has weirded me out quite considerably.

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 28/09/2015 07:46

Agree with Trills - as soon as I saw "my kids are my world" on an OLD profile I just thought "Peter Andre" and vomited moved on Grin

OP I am a seasoned OLD person and I met my DH on it. I did not go on that many dates though - I am not much of a looker, more geek chic/acquired taste Wink so I had a whole megaton of rejection as well. Better looking friends tended to be fighting them off with a shitty stick, but they also still seemed to find the same proportion of cuntweasels.

My tips are: meet up quickly and if there is any whiff of red flag /marriage/BS in the air, just walk away and get back on it!

Try not to get too jaded. I became fairly cynical over the number of freaks, married men, drunks, sexual deviants (yes, you, Mr "let's go dogging after our second date") and sociopaths who seem to have access to the Internet. Worth remembering that it's a self-selecting group in some ways - those looking for sex will gravitate towards places where single women are available. It's not representative of the whole male population.

DH made it all worthwhile though! Smile

Only1scoop · 28/09/2015 09:00

Don't waste time on endless messages actually speak over phone somehow. My initial 'call screen' wheedled out at least half.

Arrange only a coffee or drink for first meeting. I opted for dinner when I first started ....and had to sit through a few cringey courses.

Always knock off at least 2 inches off their height credentials.

Side profile pics close up= bald

Don't respond to a generic short email.

I avoided the ones with

Look at me by my 'super'sports car
Look at me looking a 'fun guy'with my mates
Look at at the gym
Look at me with 'random celeb'
Look at me in my uniform
Look at me with my top off

Worst of all here I am with my kids Confused

Enjoy Wink

ToGoBoldly · 28/09/2015 09:04

ShockShock Ugh Lois, he is revolting

Awholelottanosy · 28/09/2015 09:12

Lois that is really disturbing.

LoisPuddingLane · 28/09/2015 09:20

I know. I feel a bit ugh that I actually did it with him now.