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Original poster

For those of you who do online dating, what tips do you have and what have you learned

315 replies

bodenbiscuit · 14/09/2015 10:03

From experience?

What are the signs a man is actually going to be worth your time?

Do you think a decent man should want to go out for dinner? I am in two minds about this. If it's a distaster you don't want to be stuck for hours. OTOH I think if someone suggests dinner it shows that they are more willing to make an effort to spend time talking, not getting drunk and increasing their chances of getting laid!

I would say avoid men with shirtless photos. I had one guy message me that he had been sleeping with his best friend's girlfriend while the friend was on holiday - how to make a good impression!

OP posts:
SubUrbaneFox · 16/09/2015 17:39

yeh........ a lot of men say they are divorced, have children and are "undecided" about wanting more. I think that's to avoid ruling out much younger women though!!! I can't see that men of 50 who have listed "all my children are over 18" really wanting to have more children!!! what they really want is that the 35 year olds not rule them out.

Too cynical!?

SubUrbaneFox · 16/09/2015 17:41

Ps, I had a look at the competition earlier. My goodness, they're all very pretty. I'm not bad looking but where I went for a blurry photo to protect my anonymity, plenty of girls have gone all out with a gorgeous photo. their profiles sound jauntier than mine.

Trills · 16/09/2015 20:44

I went for a blurry photo to protect my anonymity

How will the people looking at you know if they like how you look?

How will they recognise you if you decide to meet?

Trills · 16/09/2015 20:44

Anyone whose picture "protects their anonymity" I would assume is not really single and doesn't want to be spotted

Justaboy · 16/09/2015 21:11

Well us boys we're simple creatures and we are guided by visuals, we can't help it, we're programmed that way. Still i find that for me a lady does not have to be a glam model or anywhere near that but as long as shes got some other intriguing things going on in her life that there can be an attraction there. There was a lady who was a friend of a friend and i was told that she was a bit odd she wasn't a looker by any means but she practised witchcraft and was a white witch. Thats err, very interesting:)

Shoot me down in flames if you want but that's an honest opinion ;!.

?? Or was she really a friend of a fiend;?.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 16/09/2015 21:22

Justaboy you're completely welcome on mumsnet, don't misunderstand me, but you post a lot of 'poor silly men, duuuuh we just like boobs and food, we are simple animals' posts. That is, to be frank, bollocks. You won't get a great reception on mumsnet if you carry on in that vein.

Urbane, you need a good photo. People won't waste time on someone they can't even see properly in the photo.

Trills · 16/09/2015 21:43

Justaboy do you have children? Do you teach them that men are "poor simple creatures" who are unable to learn or to control their own behaviour?

I agree with Obsidian - it's not cute or funny to put down men in that way, no matter who is doing it.

SubUrbaneFox · 16/09/2015 22:01

I know obsidian I do need a good photo. I have looked at the competition and it became even clearer to me that I need a close up of my SMILING face. I'm over the embarrassment that I felt when I first put up a photo. I had palpitations when that blurry photo went up first.

Justaboy · 16/09/2015 23:55

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNigh . thank you for your comments. I don't know whether your male or female but if male then you should know what i mean if female then you won't hear what they rattle on about cos they won't behave like that in female company but put a few of them in the works van whilst driving along a street . Course is not quite a simple as that but the millions of times I've heard the phrase "look" at the botty, titties, other visual attributes on her.

trills . yes i do, all daughters. I don't teach them anything as they know it all already!. OK maybe not a good choice of wording but men are very visually influenced in this context. There have been quite a few studies when their shown pictures of women, they take a few simple repeatable tracings;.

No, men aren't all "simple creatures" this was only in the context of looking at pictures on dating/contact websites lets be clear about that.

Not putting down the male kind at all, after all I'm one of them why should i do that?.

ToGoBoldly · 16/09/2015 23:56
Hmm
Awholelottanosy · 17/09/2015 23:18

I just got messaged by this guy tonight. Don't know if this link will work but this guy is hot...!

www.okcupid.com/profile/BastienSW?cf=messages

SubUrbaneFox · 17/09/2015 23:20

Wow, he's handsome.

ToGoBoldly · 17/09/2015 23:22

Ooh

ToGoBoldly · 17/09/2015 23:23

Ha the penultimate picture is hilarious.

Not my type but pretty boy

Awholelottanosy · 17/09/2015 23:24

I know! And 20 years younger than me... I asked him why he's messaging me since he lives in New York and he's coming to visit his friend who is doing an MA in a Uni near me. He's invited me out for drinks with him and his friend. Could be fun..,

Awholelottanosy · 17/09/2015 23:25

Should I do it? I could have both if them haha...Grin

SubUrbaneFox · 17/09/2015 23:30

Message back!

I had a guy from the netherlands messaging me a while ago. He said he came to dublin sometimes. He was nice looking as well, well dressed, slim, trendy glasses frames! I liked the look of him and he seemed normal. I wondered if he was married though. Why the hell would anybody fly to a different country to go on a date.

ToGoBoldly · 17/09/2015 23:30

Yea I would Grin

NoMoreMrRight · 17/09/2015 23:41

Whole that exact same guy messaged me earlier this evening! !! Not interested so didn't message back but you might want to do a reverse image search on Google, his photos appeared quite 'catalogueish' to me. ...

Awholelottanosy · 17/09/2015 23:52

Nomore OMG! that's so funny! I wonder how many people he's messaged..? His friend is at Warwick Uni, is that anywhere near you?

Awholelottanosy · 17/09/2015 23:53

No idea how to do a reverse image search tbh. And yes he does look like a model...

ToGoBoldly · 17/09/2015 23:54

Fake obviously

Then he will turn up, be some 55 year old divorcee from Coventry who looks nothing like the photo and then yell at you for being shallow while you run away

Still give it a go, it could give good new material for this thread

Awholelottanosy · 18/09/2015 00:00

I tried a reverse image search, no results, don't know if this is a good thing or not. I could play along with it, just for shits and giggles...

Awholelottanosy · 18/09/2015 00:01

I could ask him to send me a current selfie, that would determine if he was real...

niceupthedance · 18/09/2015 06:33

Hang on, he doesn't do hook ups but wants to meet you while he's on a 'flying visit'? Yeah ok then.

I had more than one guy say they had set their location to abroad as they were married and thought it would be easier not to be detected. That profile sounds made up, talk about say what you want to hear!

Well I had a shocker yesterday, I found out the guy I had been seeing for a few months started another relationship at the same time, and prefers her. Was told not to contact him again. The nerve. Anyway I have a second date tonight, not really up to being my entertaining self but will give it a go.