Having another baby against DP's will

[mabythesea]

We have two children, I want another and DP doesn't. He feels two are enough, he's getting older etc.

We had a serious talk about it and I explained how important it was to me and I didn't want to accept I wouldn't have another baby.

I feel like DP has basically taken this as a threat. He has said he doesn't want to lose his kids and if agreeing to have another baby is necessary to keep our family together then he'd do it.

I really want a baby but I don't want to threaten my DP into it But at the same time I don't want to cut my nose off to spite my face and give up on something I want.

The lack of response to your posts SDT was a prime example of what I meant. You raised a really important point, twice, only for it to be ignored!

Feel free to stop posting if you feel you aren't getting the responses you want.

I reckon the op has ignored the questions about whether she loves her partner and what impact having a baby he doesn't want will have on him because she doesn't give a shit about his feelings. It's all about her.

Sorry OP but you come across really childish.

You are not mature enough for a third child and your relationship is not in the right place. Do not use a child to fill a hole in your life.

Mabythesea, I see what Chipped is getting at. You're not really talking things through, yourself, are you? Is this how you discuss things with your dh? Do you become monosyllabic and disengage?

Jux is bang on, you don't seem that interested in responding to questions OP.

I don't feel obliged to answer every question asked, that's true.

I am not surprised you want to ignore my question, on here - I just hope it has made you think about the impact making a reluctant OH father another child might have on that child.

And your dp doesn't feel obliged to have a third baby.

That's true too.

Poor bloke. It must be a barrel of laughs in your house if this is how you have a discussion.

We have all discussions in the form of messages typed to each other while sitting in different rooms.

Sounds an absolutely great atmosphere in which to bring an unwanted baby...

I know you won't answer my question but I'll ask it anyway.

Is YOUR want for a 3rd/4th baby more important then the family unit you have now.

What would you do if you do get pregnant and your DH really doesn't want another and leaves you to be a single parent.

I wouldn't get pregnant unless he agreed to it, but if we split in the future then we'd all cope, whether we had two or three kids.

Wow. Have you ever been a single working mum. I nearly went round the twist and only have one child. I felt the need to comment as that flippant we would cope remark smacks of you having no idea of the cost, work, sleep deprivation and housework a single mother has to deal with. Grow up a little first. Learn the cost of things. Struggle through day and night WITH OUT DH there. Then tell us you'll cope no problem

Oh joy.

I'll be honest OP, I never expected you to answer my question, I could see the lie of the land. If you actually bothered to read it, it may have provided some food for thought.

So what's the alternative, just not cope I didn't realise there was a choice.

The vast majority of unmarried couples with children split anyway, so I'm not banking on anything lasting forever.

Notasinglefuck, I am an often single parent of 4 including one autistic child and one with dyspraxia. Dh works away frequently and for weeks at a time. I work 3 days a week but worked 4 days until dc4 was 18 months old. I cope. People cope with more than 2 kids all the time. Your post was quite patronising I think. Everyone is different. Personally on the rare occasions when I only have 2 kids for a few days I feel rather bored at the lack of hustle and bustle.

Wasn't meant that way and you know it. I coped we all do but when it's said in a flippant manner, like you aren't doing anything special ( because you clearly are ) then I'll be insulted on your behalf. Not every day is a doddle. Not every mother just effortlessly copes. To say it like what you do each day is a bit MEH is insulting.

It was a bit of an odd post because of course I know the cost of things and have struggled through a whole day and night WITH OUT DP there, as has he Not sure that doing 24 hours alone is really much of a comparison with single parenthood anyway...

Do you feel that your partner is less than committed to you anyway? (Eg the marriage issue). Do you suspect you will split up at some point, or are you just thinking pragmatically when you say that?
Maybe you should have stressed to him more that you wanted 4 dcs, then 4 would seem like a compromise!

What kind of answer do you want then Notasinglefuck, other than we'd cope? It would be a nightmare and I'd have to give the kids away?

Problem with the internet is no inflection. If I read it as a flippant disregard for those above who have to live it and work hard, then my apologies. I'm not a keyboard warrior and will always apologize if I've read it wrong.

As I said above hard to gauge tone reading. It can be said in a " whatever it's not like it's hard work " way, or a " I know it'd be a hard transition and would be tougher day to day but I would find a way to cope " way.

I don't feel he is less committed though the marriage thing is a bone of contention. In some ways we are quite different people and want different things, and I'm not blind to the fact that most relationships don't last forever. I'm certainly reluctant to give up on something important to me in case something happens which may happen anyway.