Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Been totally ignored by my boyfriend

165 replies

milliemolliemoo · 10/09/2015 08:35

I've sent 4 texts over the last two days - all of which have been read and ignored. He won't answer the phone. He has been online to talk to other people.

I haven't a clue what is happening. He is currently in the process of selling a house and is stressed about this but why not talk to me?

I wondered if he was trying to just be a coward and delete me out of his life but he hasn't blocked me on whatsapp or deleted me on facebook or anything, just purely ignoring me. i cant stop crying wondering if things are okay and ive txt to say how worried i am. ive turned my phone off now but i dont know what to do? do i leave him alone completely? do i try contact again in a few days but what if he ignores me again?

im heartbroken.

OP posts:
Inexperiencedchick · 10/09/2015 08:40

Just wait for a while.
Don't do rush decisions.
If he is stressed out he probably doesn't want to involve you in his stress either.
Just get on with your own staff and don't invest yourself into so much thinking.
If he doesn't contact you after a week, then you know your answer.

Don't cry, don't give yourself so much headache.

Theoldcauliflower · 10/09/2015 08:42

Hi op, he's a twat for ignoring you but I certainly wouldn't be sending anymore texts or ring him anymore!
How long have you been together?

LineyReborn · 10/09/2015 08:43

If he's your actual boyfriend by which I mean if you are in a relationship, I'd sod the texts and either ring him or go round to his home to see what the problem is.

If you have been together for ten minutes or so I'd assume the obvious.

Original poster
milliemolliemoo · 10/09/2015 08:45

We have been together one year, known each other for around 4 years. He knows how upset i will be, i just dont get it...Monday afternoon he said he was looking forward to seeing me one night this week (he usually works away and isnt this week) and everything was fine. I texted him tuesday morning and he never replied, sent him a silly photo tuesday evening and he ignored it (would usually make him laugh) and then yesterday i asked if we were going to see each other and he ignored that, along with another text asking if he is ok and that i was worried. he has read them all and been online so i dont know what he is playing at, i am so so upset ive not slept or anything! i turned my phone off to stop me checking up on him but it's killing me inside.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 10/09/2015 08:47

Don't ring him any more!!

How long have you been together? Have you met his family / friends?

BitOutOfPractice · 10/09/2015 08:48

Oh sorry, cross post.

I would go round and see him personally

Mouthfulofquiz · 10/09/2015 09:26

Why don't you just go round? All this texting and waiting for answers is a bit annoying surely??

LineyReborn · 10/09/2015 09:32

I'm not surprised you're upset. As the behaviour is out of character, I would go and see him. You will be able to tell from his response whether he is checking out of the relationship or pleased to see you but just a bit stressed.

Bogeyface · 10/09/2015 09:41

I agree that going round to see him is the best way to sort it out.

However, he wouldnt be the first person to end a relationship by wimply pretending that their BF/GF no longer exists. Cowardly, and I would call him on it.

Ask him straight out if he wants your relationship to end and if so have the decency to say so, and if he doesnt then have the common courtesy to respond to your messages even if its only with a "Sorry, really bad week, will call you when things have calmed down".

Bogeyface · 10/09/2015 09:42

simply not wimply, although wimply is apt (if made up)!

Original poster
milliemolliemoo · 10/09/2015 12:17

i was worried this is what he was doing but surely he would have deleted me off FB and so on if that was the case? he was quiet last week and apologised at the weekend saying he had a lot on his mind (house) and seemingly was fine sunday and monday but now this :(

i daren't go round to his house (he is back living with parents time being) because i know he clearly doesn't want to talk to me. ugh.

OP posts:
DreamingOfThruxtons · 10/09/2015 12:24

Please don't give him all the power by chasing him. As hard as that is in practice. Even assuming there's a legitimate reason for his ignoring you (and I can't think of one), you're going to come across as needy if you chase him in any way.

Leave him be. And if he makes contact, let him know you won't tolerate being ignored like that again, if he wants to continue the relationship (and assuming you do). You deserve better. Go and do something else to take your mind off it. And, breathe.

AndDeepBreath · 10/09/2015 12:30

Depends how you do it surely? Just pop round and knock the door! You don't need to be overly dramatic about it, stay outside on the doorstep and calmly explain that you've been worried, that you don't mind giving him some space if that's something he needs - but equally you're there for him if something bad has happened?

You'd know better than us if he just happens to be a jerk or if your relationship has been in trouble for a while - but giving the benefit of the doubt, is there any chance he's had a kind of breakdown or anything like that? It does happen sometimes. If his parents answer, again, you could calmly say "I don't even need to see him if he doesn't want that, but I'd like to know if he's ok. Can I just check that?"

BoredAdminGirl · 10/09/2015 12:51

I really feel for you, you must feel so anxious :(

Plan a girls night out this weekend to take your mind off things.

He doesn't sound very respectful ignoring you, he may be stressed but what about those minutes before he falls to sleep when in bed. Why can't he text you?

I would ring him and ask why he is ignoring you.

Are you sure there haven't been any clues to a break up?

featherandblack · 10/09/2015 13:29

I'm so sorry OP Flowers. This chap is not worthy of you. Whatever's going on in his mind isn't worth worrying about. This isn't the kind of behaviour you want to see, especially at an quite an early time in the relationship. If I were you (and I strongly advise you to do it), I would decide it's over and get on with your life. Steel yourself to tell him if he ever gets in contact, but accept that he may very well be a lower never call again. Either way, you're better off without him. No one who knows their girlfriend is worrying about them and leaves them to suffer could ever be good boyfriend material.

featherandblack · 10/09/2015 13:30

A loser, I meant to say.

LovesPeace · 10/09/2015 13:45

Don't go round - have some dignity!

It takes tiny amounts of effort to reply to a text from a worried partner - if you're not a twat.

Unfortunately I suspect he is pretending the relationship no longer exists, because he wants out...

Move on to someone who doesn't treat you like this.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 10/09/2015 13:52

Unfortunately, I suspect something has happened (either he doesn't want to be with you or he's done something with someone else) and he doesn't have the balls to talk to you so he's hoping if he blanks you, you'll end the relationship and he won't have to feel "guilty".

If the above is true, then he's a shitty person. If he's just busy, then he's STILL a shitty person because it takes two seconds to send a text to explain or to answer the phone. By letting you wait on him, he's being deliberately nasty.

You deserve so much better than someone who would do this.

poocatcherchampion · 10/09/2015 13:53

Move on. My ex was like this. He just got worse and worse. I should have dumped him well before I did.

Original poster
milliemolliemoo · 10/09/2015 14:03

I know he is stressed - he mentioned a few weeks ago that his mum asked him if he was depressed and he wondered if he was.

I understand if he needs space and wouldn't mind if he asked for it - nothing has happened. we went away for the weekend the week before last and it was lovely, i told him how happy i was and so on and he felt the same.

i guess ill leave it all week and see if he gets in touch :(

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 10/09/2015 14:13

Personally, I'd text and say:

"I'm really concerned about you. I haven't heard from you in a while which isn't normal for us. If I don't hear from you soon, I'll call round to see you to check all is ok/you are safe/your phone hasn't been stolen."

If this was my DP, it'd be out of character and therefore I'd want to check he is safe.

Original poster
milliemolliemoo · 10/09/2015 14:15

it's out of character as we speak all the time, but i know he is safe as he has been online on whatsapp and updated social media (albeit nothing involving me). he is safe, just ignoring me. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
milliemolliemoo · 10/09/2015 14:16

something is happening this weekend that involves us both (dont want to say too much as it involves a hobby and dont want to out myself) so he should want to contact me about that...but i dont know. i think i will leave it until mid next week?

OP posts:
Inexperiencedchick · 10/09/2015 14:20

Hire a detective to see what he is up to in RL.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 10/09/2015 14:26

I wouldn't really want to stay with someone who could treat me with such disrespect, tbh.

Swipe left for the next trending thread