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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Been totally ignored by my boyfriend

165 replies

milliemolliemoo · 10/09/2015 08:35

I've sent 4 texts over the last two days - all of which have been read and ignored. He won't answer the phone. He has been online to talk to other people.

I haven't a clue what is happening. He is currently in the process of selling a house and is stressed about this but why not talk to me?

I wondered if he was trying to just be a coward and delete me out of his life but he hasn't blocked me on whatsapp or deleted me on facebook or anything, just purely ignoring me. i cant stop crying wondering if things are okay and ive txt to say how worried i am. ive turned my phone off now but i dont know what to do? do i leave him alone completely? do i try contact again in a few days but what if he ignores me again?

im heartbroken.

OP posts:
bodenbiscuit · 13/09/2015 11:50

YY bathtime

TokenGinger · 13/09/2015 12:55

He's a toss pot. Don't feel scorned for texting him. I think you've done the right thing. He's given you the perfect opportunity to raise this now. Don't fall in to the grips of him saying he is speaking to you. Ensure he sees what a twat he's been this week.

The relationship is already over. It's just nice to let him know that his emotionally abusive and manipulative tactics haven't worked on you.

beaglesaresweet · 13/09/2015 17:41

If he behaved as if in revenge, maybe this girl spread some malicious gossip about you, OP? e.g. made up that she saw you with a man etc? It still doesn't excuse his behaviour as he should have talked you asap and not just believed the gossip, but what I'm saying it would at least make some sort of sense not with a 30yr old but takes all sorts

DogWalker75 · 13/09/2015 17:56

What an utter shit bag. Did you reply to the text OP?

bodenbiscuit · 13/09/2015 18:12

Beagle - I think if that were the case then he wouldn't have sent a text back saying everything is ok and he's still taking to the the OP!

cremeeggboycotter · 13/09/2015 18:15

milliemolliemoo My ex told me hw loved me so much, got all emotional and told me he couldn't imagine his life without me. Less than a week before he started dodging calls, ignoring and playing games.

Words and talk is cheap. Actions speak volumes. This man's actions say he's a game player and really not that caring.

If you intend to stay with him, save this thread as a pdf to read because sadly he will do this again.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 13/09/2015 18:29

He is using you for entertainment. Do not participate in that.
Detach emotionally, physically, and electronically.

MagpieCursedTea · 13/09/2015 18:32

I would send a final message explaining that you deserve better than the treatment over the last few days and that you don't want anything more to do with him. Then delete and block him. Leaves no room for ambiguity.

NameChange30 · 13/09/2015 18:50

"I would send a final message explaining that you deserve better than the treatment over the last few days and that you don't want anything more to do with him. Then delete and block him. Leaves no room for ambiguity."

No, no, no. She has sent him too many messages already. He deserves nothing more than to be ignored, deleted and blocked without being told.

featherandblack · 13/09/2015 21:49

He sounds so cruel and manipulative, OP. I know it hurts like hell this weekend but you have been spared a lifetime of pain with someone like this. Consider yourself very lucky to be able to cut your losses and get away scot-free now. Sending you the picture of himself really does take the biscuit. Life is too short for that carry-on.

eddielizzard · 14/09/2015 06:33

but surely this isn't totally out of the blue? over the course of a year he must have been a bit of an arse at other times? some sort of hint?

Scarydinosaurs · 14/09/2015 06:54

What an absolute rat.

Do not reply. He's goading you into breaking up with him.

bodenbiscuit · 14/09/2015 09:37

I wondered that eddie

LineyReborn · 14/09/2015 09:37

OP, I think your view is being clouded because you feel you had a great weekend two weeks ago. And therein lies the mindfuck.

Unfortunately there are people who are able to deliver charm and the appearance of love and follow it up with cruelty. These people are dangerous and you should be bloody pleased and proud you've spotted this one so early on.

purpleponcho · 14/09/2015 11:10

Sociopath. Block and ignore.

bodenbiscuit · 14/09/2015 12:46

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought sociopath. These people are dangerous and can cause a lot of damage - you have to get away from them.

I've had this done to me. Apparently it's typical for them to pick the time directly after you've had a great time together to start the silent treatment. They also punish you if you have a cross word with them. The one I came across stood me up as a punishment for asking him not to do something i didn't like. He would suddenly start ignoring me for no reason. Then he'd be begging me back 6 weeks later with 'please babe, give me another chance'

SolidGoldBrass · 14/09/2015 13:44

People do, sometimes, go silent as a means of getting rid of an unwanted partner. Sometimes it's because that partner will react badly to being dumped, either by making a scene, weeping and begging, or by becoming aggressive. It's understandable to want to avoid confrontation, though it's usually just putting off the moment when the dumped partner will catch up with the silent one and exact some sort of revenge.

I do get the impression from later posts that this man is nasty rather than just someone who doesn't like conflict, and he probably is pushing the limits, seeing how badly he can treat the OP and still have her crying and apologising and desperately trying to 'make it up to him'.

Again, the only option that will do OP any good is to cut him off and ignore him completely. If any mutual friends ask, just say he started acting like a dick, so she dumped him. No need to overdramatize things by wailing about what a psychopath he must be - don't give him that much grandeur. He's just a tiresome little dickhead she doesn't need.

bodenbiscuit · 14/09/2015 21:16

He's talking to her again now though SGB - that's what makes the difference between someone who wants out and a sociopath. We've all dated people who disappeared - and they are not dangerous you just shrug and move on. This man has the hallmarks of something different.

And I have a feeling the OP has been reeled in by him :(

DogWalker75 · 24/09/2015 00:12

How are things now OP?

bodenbiscuit · 24/09/2015 17:40

I fear she may have been sucked back in.

littlemissloser · 24/09/2015 18:23

My husband left our marriage by disappearing. Much the same in that we had been completely fine previously and I had no idea anything was up.

It was 6 days before he plucked up the courage to actually speak to me on the phone to tell me he didn't love me anymore.

He had depression. Not an excuse, but it can make people behave in strange ways.

He also acted outwardly normal on social media.

It was horribly traumatic.

I still can't quite believe it.

Sorry OP. People are capable of disconnecting. As other posters have said. ..he will know quite well how painful this must be for you

Frecklesandspecs · 24/09/2015 18:39

OP, not read all responses but sure you've got Brill advice so far.
Please don't get into a relationship though with a 'silent treatment' guy, if that's what he turns out to be. I'm trying to separate from one. It's been a bloody nightmare. Just go silent on me for days, then back as if nothing happened or somehow my fault.
These people are extremely emotionally draining to live with.

JustHavinABreak · 24/09/2015 22:14

Hope you're ok OP. No judgement from me if you're back on cloud 9 with your OH but I hope you're ok. You might check in and let us know, even if you don't want to say how things panned out.

bodenbiscuit · 25/09/2015 00:03

I'm not judging either, honestly - I've been there myself. But this man sounds worrying :(

WhoAteMyToast · 25/09/2015 12:41

Some men are so utterly spineless that they will behave badly to force the other person to do something. I think this is the case here. He needs to grow a pair.

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