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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Been totally ignored by my boyfriend

165 replies

milliemolliemoo · 10/09/2015 08:35

I've sent 4 texts over the last two days - all of which have been read and ignored. He won't answer the phone. He has been online to talk to other people.

I haven't a clue what is happening. He is currently in the process of selling a house and is stressed about this but why not talk to me?

I wondered if he was trying to just be a coward and delete me out of his life but he hasn't blocked me on whatsapp or deleted me on facebook or anything, just purely ignoring me. i cant stop crying wondering if things are okay and ive txt to say how worried i am. ive turned my phone off now but i dont know what to do? do i leave him alone completely? do i try contact again in a few days but what if he ignores me again?

im heartbroken.

OP posts:
ThursdayLastWeek · 13/09/2015 07:57

What a scummy little turd his is - I'm so sorry OP.
Don't call him, call a friend and cry and slag him off, whatever.
Delete and block.

LurcioAgain · 13/09/2015 08:04

This is an odd thread. I feel like a I've strayed into a parallel universe where all the posters I know and love have been replaced by their 14 year old selves. I guess it depends on what you mean by year long relationship.

The advice upthread (assume you've been dumped in a really cowardly manner and move on) only makes sense to me if one interprets relationship as "year long sequence of booty calls."

What I'd expect a year long relationship to involve would be (in addition to sex) genuine friendship and wanting the other person to be your go-to person when you have something nice to share or have had a sod of a week at work and want to unwind with someone safe.

If it is a genuine relationship in this second sense, stop trying to second guess the situation, stop moping around in tears and behave like an adult and just ring him up and ask what's going on.

(Of course it could be that the reason you're not doing this is because deep down you know it's a sequence of booty calls but don't want to admit it to yourself, in which case the advice upthread does hold).

TheBunnyOfDoom · 13/09/2015 08:07

Um, have you read the thread? she's tried calling him and texting him and he's been a shit and ignored her!

LurcioAgain · 13/09/2015 08:17

Of course I've read the thread - that'swhy II'm so puzzled. She's tried texting and is asking whether she should ring or go round. Well yesof ccourse she should after a whole bloody year! She's owed some sort of explanation of what he's up to. It's the whole year thing I can't understand. I'd totally agree with tge "assume dumped and move on" adviceif this behaviour was taking place after two or three dates but it's not, it's a year long relationship.

ArgentinianMalbec · 13/09/2015 08:23

Who was the snap chat from? Him? Or another friend?

Original poster
milliemolliemoo · 13/09/2015 08:30

it was from him.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 13/09/2015 08:35

OP, whatever you do, DO NOT TEXT HIM, or send any kind of message that he can (and will) ignore. If you want some kind of conversation, explanation or closure, you need to contact him in a way that forces him to reply. I think phoning is probably the best option but you could also turn up at his house (although it would be frustrating if you did that and he refused to talk to you). Tbh if I was in your position I'd be having a massive go at him for being such a douchebag and I would dump his cowardly ass.

TokenGinger · 13/09/2015 08:43

I completely agree with Lurcio. I cannot fathom why people are saying don't contact him. It's the guy you've been with for a year. You deserve an explanation; closure. I've been dating my guy for 9 months now. If he wanted to just close things off, I'd want to discuss it and have a conversation about it so I understood why. After a year, you deserve that.

Vixxfacee · 13/09/2015 08:47

Fuck him. Delete his number. Delete him from social media. Let him wonder where YOU have disappeared to. Bastard

bodenbiscuit · 13/09/2015 08:57

His behaviour is disgusting. It sounds as if he is deliberately trying to hurt you. Although this is awful for you I think you are much better off without him. He will repeat this with every woman he gets involved with.

bodenbiscuit · 13/09/2015 08:57

How old is he by the way Millie?

bodenbiscuit · 13/09/2015 08:59

Oh and I agree with Lurcio - i have to say I thought the same.

Original poster
milliemolliemoo · 13/09/2015 09:01

he's nearly 30! the snapchat has pissed me off because he knows what I think of this girl - she has even said to him before about them being together which me and him had a good laugh about. it's as though he sent it me to piss me off but I don't know what I've done wrong for him to do this? it almost seems as some sort of revenge?! but there's honestly been nothing that's happened. I'm absolutely gutted. :(

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 13/09/2015 09:09

What an arsehole.

I bet she sent that snapchat

You need to ignore and move on. And trust me I know how very very hard that will be. You poor woman. He is a nasty nasty piece of work

BathtimeFunkster · 13/09/2015 09:12

it's as though he sent it me to piss me off

He did.

She's owed some sort of explanation of what he's up to.

Nope. She's "owed" nothing.

She doesn't need an "explananation".

It isn't important to know why somebody has decided to treat you like shit. It's enough to know that they are.

All this "closure" bollocks is adolescent nonsense.

If you are an adult and somebody ignores you repeatedly, you respond by reacting to the poor behaviour, not jumping up and down and demanding your drama quotient by way of "explanations".

Original poster
milliemolliemoo · 13/09/2015 09:18

no he sent it, it was a selfie. I aren't a drama queen and not one to "demand" an explanation from him but I do want to know why he's ignored me. I don't want to get in touch just now, it's too early. I'll leave it a bit.

OP posts:
AndDeepBreath · 13/09/2015 09:20

30? Honestly, I thought you were probably both in your late teens from the posts above.

At this point, painful though it is for you, I think you need to realise that one way or another the relationship is over. Even if he's not actually "dumped" you, this isn't someone you want to stick with is it? (Quite the catch though he is!)

I'm sorry you're upset. Do you have any friends you can go have a drink and a cry with and start moving on? Yes, delete him from social media, and from now on try and stay out of the drama he's creating.

bodenbiscuit · 13/09/2015 09:21

Bathtime - although I agree with what you say in as much as there isn't anything you can do to change someone's bad behaviour, most people are not made of stone. If someone suddenly pulls the rug from under you, it's quite normal to want closure I'd say!

AndDeepBreath · 13/09/2015 09:22

Ps whatever you've said about "this girl", she now knows it. Are you ready for the fallout from that?

bodenbiscuit · 13/09/2015 09:22

Yes, really you've had a lucky escape. There is obviously something wrong with him. Although you will be very hurt its much better that he showed his colours sooner rather than later.

LobsterQuadrille · 13/09/2015 09:29

OP, if you can possibly resist then I really wouldn't dignify his childish behaviour with any kind of response at all. I've been there - we all have at some point but by "nearly 30" he should have grown out of it. It's some kind of pathetic attempt to exert his power - it really just shows how inadequate he is, and thinks he is, for him to do it in such an underhand and cowardly way. I know it won't feel like it now but you are so better off without this child/man.

Delete him from social media, get your friends round (ones you trust), slag him off and get out and enjoy yourself.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/09/2015 09:32

That's the theory bathtime but when you're in the thick of it the "why" seems very important to moving on. Of course the why is usually just "because he's an arsehole" and with hindsight the op will realise it's not important. But right now it'll feel all consuming

MrsJorahMormont · 13/09/2015 09:33

He is cruel and provocative. There is no excuse for his behaviour. Ignore him. Block him. You stopped sending messages so he had to up the ante. He's a twat.

Fairenuff · 13/09/2015 09:45

OP if you want to maintain your dignity, just leave it there. Don't contact him, get on with your life now as if it was over because it obviously is over.

If you don't want to see pictures of him with other women, change your number and unfriend him on social media. It's over. He just didn't have the balls to tell you.

He is a coward and cruel to boot so in the long run you have had a lucky escape finding this out now, rather than several years down the line. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

He is not worth the heartache. Someone that will be kind and committed to you is out there, don't waste another day wondering why this one is such a loser, it will only mess you up.

lavenderhoney · 13/09/2015 09:46

I don't see why you want to talk to him, and find out why he ignored you etc. you know why. You don't want him back do you? If you do talk to him, he will be forced to tell you he did this because things weren't right, and if pushed he may become very honest about what he doesn't like about you, and hurtful. Why do that to yourself when you already feel like crap?

He seems the type to try and get a pity shag out of it, then dump you again.

Text him back " please stop contacting me, the relationship is over" and never bother with him again.