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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Been totally ignored by my boyfriend

165 replies

milliemolliemoo · 10/09/2015 08:35

I've sent 4 texts over the last two days - all of which have been read and ignored. He won't answer the phone. He has been online to talk to other people.

I haven't a clue what is happening. He is currently in the process of selling a house and is stressed about this but why not talk to me?

I wondered if he was trying to just be a coward and delete me out of his life but he hasn't blocked me on whatsapp or deleted me on facebook or anything, just purely ignoring me. i cant stop crying wondering if things are okay and ive txt to say how worried i am. ive turned my phone off now but i dont know what to do? do i leave him alone completely? do i try contact again in a few days but what if he ignores me again?

im heartbroken.

OP posts:

BathtimeFunkster · 10/09/2015 15:04

I think you should presume your relationship is over and behave accordingly.

bodenbiscuit · 10/09/2015 15:10

There are abusive people out there who use ignoring and stonewalling a way to get control of their partners. If you've been with him a year though I would think you would have seen signs of this before.

bodenbiscuit · 10/09/2015 15:13

Also is it possible he has a mental health issue (if this is out of character for him)

Original poster

milliemolliemoo · 10/09/2015 15:18

I just think he is stressed, but yeah i cannot understand why he is ignoring me as it takes two seconds to reply and say stop worrying im fine.

he hasnt been on any social media today. just turned my phone on for a second and not heard anything.

OP posts:

BathtimeFunkster · 10/09/2015 15:24

If being a bit stressed makes him ignore you for days on end, you should really move on to someone who can cope better with life and be nice to other humans.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 10/09/2015 15:34

Everyone gets stressed, it's not a reason to ignore people for days on end - especially when that person is your girlfriend of one year who has messaged saying she's worried about you!

Doesn't say much about him as a person, tbh.

Arun1910 · 10/09/2015 15:36

I would stop messaging him for a while, make him come to you. As soon as you stop messaging he will wonder where you have gone (If he's decent).

Charley50 · 10/09/2015 15:37

I had one like this and it resulted in me feeling very anxious and insecure all the time. I'd get rid, it's cruel.

SolidGoldBrass · 10/09/2015 15:48

You've been dumped. Move on. His behaviour isn't very nice, but there's nothing you can do other than walk away.

Oh, and whatever your weekend gathering is, go along, enjoy yourself, do not decide that you would rather stay at home crying. If he shows up, be polite but distant - don't demand explanations and if he says anything, just tell him that you thought the relationship must be over, you wish him all the best, and walk cheerfully away.

bodenbiscuit · 10/09/2015 18:35

Op - what was he like in his previous relationships? How old is he?

bodenbiscuit · 10/09/2015 18:36

SGB - I think it would be understandable to demand an explanation after a year long relationship actually,.

forumdonkey · 10/09/2015 19:52

Even if he doesn't feel like talking, it would take 30 seconds to fire off a text to say so. Just like Charley50, I too had one like this. You become consumed with worry that when they do eventually get in touch (like nothing happened) you're first reaction is relief. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and with that in mind my advice to you would be to remove off FB and block on whatsapp. Take control of the situation for your own sanity.

Carlywurly · 10/09/2015 20:33

Oh god, unless it transpires he's fallen down a well or suchlike (unlikely if he's still updating Facebook) I'd bin him off. Life is too short for this. It reminds me of that book "he's just not that into you"

Don't waste your tears on him, it's probably a lucky escape.

BathtimeFunkster · 10/09/2015 21:10

SGB - I think it would be understandable to demand an explanation after a year long relationship actually,.

Understandable, maybe, but pointless.

You can demand whatever you want from someone who is ignoring you, but it's not going to get you very far.

The right move here is to put permanent distance between you and the man who is treating you like shit.

Pandora97 · 10/09/2015 21:27

I agree with BathtimeFunkster and SGB. As tempting as it is to go round to his house (and I understand because I've done something similar myself) I worry that it would just make you feel worse, when you're already feeling very emotional and upset. I have a very low tolerance for shit so I personally wouldn't bother doing anything like that now. If he can't be bothered to tell you he's okay then I wouldn't bother giving him the satisfaction of knowing you're upset or bothered in any way about him.

The guy is a coward. I'm sorry he's treated you this way.

bodenbiscuit · 10/09/2015 21:36

Oh I just meant that if I happened to see him face to face I would certainly not let him off the hook by pretending nothing happened.

cantmakeme · 10/09/2015 22:05

Have you heard from him yet?

SolidGoldBrass · 10/09/2015 22:34

Trouble is, tracking him down and demanding an explanation is always going to end up making you feel desperate and undignified even though he hasn't behaved well. It just makes it far too easy for him to upset you more, by being indifferent or even outright nasty.
Even when you're in the right, it's impossible to confront someone without making a total arse of yourself. Far better to act as though the person simply doesn't matter.

(The only exception would be if he comes belting over to you at the hobby-event full of apologies and has a really good reason for not having been in touch, but I'm afraid this isn't likely.)

Mouthfulofquiz · 11/09/2015 10:47

I don't think there is anything desperate about going to his house, asking what the problem is and then explaining why this isn't acceptable.
Take some control of the situation.

BathtimeFunkster · 11/09/2015 11:25

then explaining why this isn't acceptable.

If you need to explain to your boyfriend why ignoring you for days on end isn't acceptable, you need a new boyfriend.

And a new sense of the limits of your own authority.

You take control in this situation by deciding what is acceptable to you, and acting accordingly.

Marching over to his house and trying to lay down the law will just highlight the fact that you have no power over him.

If he chooses to ignore you, you can't stop him.

gelwax · 11/09/2015 11:51

Sorry, but I don't think mental health problems are an excuse here. BEST case scenario is that you see him at the hobby thing this weekend and he acts normal towards you. Even then, won't you just be waiting for the next time he pulls this stunt. Sorry to say it, but I agree with PPs that it's more likely his way of dumping you. If he'd wanted to be in touch, he would have been.

Whitechocolatetoblerone · 11/09/2015 11:58

Any update OP?

ImperialBlether · 11/09/2015 12:01

I wouldn't be interested in a man who could do this. I'd think he was manipulative, cruel and immature.

Your choice, OP - I'm sure he will come back and you'll probably get the blame for his behaviour - maybe not the first time you talk about it, but in the future.

He chooses how to act - he's chosen to ignore you, knowing it would upset you.

Mouthfulofquiz · 11/09/2015 12:55

I don't think its that bad an idea to tell him face to face how it is?? Getting some closure and moving on from it. It stops the situation dragging on longer than necessary and gets the truth for the OP.
I'm a believer in getting to the facts.

Original poster

milliemolliemoo · 11/09/2015 13:41

still not heard anything :(

OP posts:

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