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Shocked at what i found tonight

182 replies

SiliconDollMansWife · 10/08/2015 00:18

As my new name change suggests, i found something shocking tonight.

DH and i were having a BBQ in the garden. A storm broke and it rained heavily out so we continued to eat in the summer house. I venturd back into the house alone to get something and realised DH had left the Velux window in his office open and water was pouring into the stairwell and storage room below. I grabbed a mop and ventured down there to do a quick clean up. I do not normally go in this room becuase it is off DH's office and is just used for storing his gym equipment and sports equipment. My end of the mop must have banged a cupboard door and it swung open.

Inside was 1 lifesize silicon sex doll, a spare head with different hair, a half a sex doll, just a torso with no arms and legs or head. Both dolls had tits like Dolly Parton. I shut the door, put on my mum head and continued with the bbq. After putting the DCs to bed i told DH.

He said it was because since having DC2, a nightmare of a child, we had been having little sex. Insisted he loved me, later said that he thought i didn't take care of myself, had not lost the baby weight etc.

He is now asleep and i am lying awake. What the fuck do i do? We live abroad. I have no job and cannot work. DC2 is a fecking nightmare child, i can't handle him/her alone.

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 11/08/2015 02:30

No Mengog Travelling Circus One of those fake fanny sex toys is the equivilant to a dildo/vibrator.

And i agree with Math.

HelenaDove · 11/08/2015 02:45

I remember a film called Lars and the Real Girl being reviewed in Scarlet magazine several years ago.

That was when i first realised that blow up dolls had moved on from Lusty Linda and Erotic Estelle in Only Fools and Horses < photographic memory>

< shudders>

MerryMarigold · 11/08/2015 08:12

Come on guys. OP's dh may be one of this weird, ill guys who only has a doll for company and gives it a personality. Or he may be a sexually frustrated man who has gone a bit too far in dealing with it. Perhaps (only speaking from my own experience) he stopped initiating sex because he was hurt and tired of being rebuffed. (This happens a lot).

I agree with those who say the fancying of OP is the main issue here. This needs talking about with dh. Does he still fancy you? Because whether he is using porn, dolls or 'fake fanny sex toys' doesn't really make a difference to me, but not fancying the OP and using other methods to gain sexual satisfaction is a major problem.

afreshstartplease · 11/08/2015 08:16

Invite his parents to dinner

Prop dolly at the table as a guest

suzannefollowmyvan · 11/08/2015 08:45

Previously I sniggered a little a the idea of silicone sex dolls, having done a little research I now find the idea of someone having sex with these cadaverous things quite disturbing. ?

Hellionandfriends · 11/08/2015 08:57

I think you both have three options

  1. go your separate ways. 2) limp on as you are. 3) together both work out how you can both make the relationship stronger and water tight. If you really do love each other, it's worth working on things and setting an action plan. However he needs to know how the dolls/DD have made you feel too. It's not just about his feelings/thoughts.
differentnameforthis · 11/08/2015 09:25

Those 'sex toys' look very expensive Garlic Yup. Usually custom made too, to specifications given by the buyer.

There is a group of men who take them on holidays, socialise with them, sleep in bed with them, etc etc. They are not your usual "having a laugh at a stag do, blow up doll" they are seriously "girlfriend" material!

'I got it cheap from a forum' & second hand & nasty!

Or he may be a sexually frustrated man who has gone a bit too far in dealing with it. Perhaps (only speaking from my own experience) he stopped initiating sex because he was hurt and tired of being rebuffed. Then you open up a dialogue with your partner & discus things, not buy & hide a fuck toy!

MerryMarigold · 11/08/2015 09:33

Then you open up a dialogue with your partner & discus things, not buy & hide a fuck toy!

Yup, in a world where you are not crazy sleep deprived and have no time with each other. In the latter world, it's hard and you 'get by' for several years. I had twins (and a toddler). This OP has a very difficult second DC and is abroad with little support. I think dh spoke to me, or tried to. I doubt it went down that well. It certainly wasn't resolved. I actually have so little memory of those horrible years, but I am still glad he didn't go down the affair route. We are together, we have worked on things. His behaviour wasn't ideal, but neither was mine. We were just about coping.

abbiemartin3 · 11/08/2015 10:06

If I found out my hubby had a sex doll I would laugh and laugh and laugh at him and then beat him with the damn thing. How weird!? I have a crude image of ones hubby shagging a rubber dolly and sweet talking to it ha!

He may of said those hurtful things because he was embarrassed and the only way to conquer that feeling was by making you feel shitter then he did at that moment, which obviously worked. I wouldn't take it to personally as men are fickle and there age long goal is to get their end off. Show them tits (rubber, plastic, animation!?) and they can roll with it.

I don't know your rules on sex toys but many wives I know have sex toys which they use so this really can't be much different. I myself have had sex toys in the past but unfortunately can only use them once as the whole hygiene thing freaks me out (OCD). Maybe approaching the topic with him a bit more light hearted and not make such a big deal (I know its upsetting) might make it less of a taboo and more easy to confront.

differentnameforthis · 11/08/2015 12:08

I don't buy the excuse that he didn't talk & choose to buy a doll because his wife was sleep deprived.

Perhaps she wouldn't have been sleep deprived if he had helped instead of installing a fuck toy in their home, which probably took him away from the family more than he realises!

Hellionandfriends · 11/08/2015 12:27

The husband is either quite twisted and deeply into strange sexual stuff or he tried it on a silly whim for a laugh and now realises its a mistake.

Hellionandfriends · 11/08/2015 12:32

It's sad he bought a doll rather then work on the relationship. I know you said you suspect your DD has ASD. It is genetic usually. Is there any chance your DH could also be on the spectrum, struggling to communicate relationship concerns.

Hellionandfriends · 11/08/2015 12:34

It could be more an innocent stupid mistake then anything.

AnyFucker · 11/08/2015 12:42

innocent stupid mistake ?

that's a good un

and he wasn't deprived of sex....his wife is the only one who has been initiating it in recent times

at least if you are going to attempt to find any and all excuses for this bloke, rtft first

HelenaDove · 11/08/2015 16:05

YY AnyFucker I think too many people are still willing to buy into the stereotype that men want sex more than women so therefore she must be the one refusing.

The fact that this has been readily assumed by ppl who have only skimmed the thread says a lot.

AnyFucker · 11/08/2015 17:30

indeed

shazzarooney99 · 11/08/2015 17:36

I do think its better with a doll than another woman and if he hasnt been getting much then.......

I do think its wrong that hes said because your not looking after yourself and about the baby weight it totally wrong.

Christinayanglah · 11/08/2015 17:37

A mistake???.

You mean he tripped and his dick fell into the dolls vagina????

CalmYourselfTubbs · 11/08/2015 17:40

oh dear..... Sad
i think this would end a marriage for me.
are you on another continent or are you nearer to your home country?
is there any way you could be eligible for work, to give you independence?

suzannefollowmyvan · 11/08/2015 17:42

He was so taken with the first one that his enthusiastic use broke it, so he purchased her replacement.

Are those the actions of a man who has made a mistake? ?

AnyFucker · 11/08/2015 18:01

shazza RTFT

Yellowbird54321 · 11/08/2015 18:19

Who knew I'd be googling sex dolls once I got home from work today! Thanks MN.

OP - really sorry this is happening to you, it's crap and must have been a hell of a shock! I think the deceit and secrecy involved in all of this would be the hardest thing for me to get my head around. The hurtful comments he made to you were both pathetic and nasty, I'm afraid, as pp have said, this would be the end of the relationship for me and I wouldn't waste my time or energy trying to analyse 'why' - it's extremely unlikely he's worth it.

Oliversmumsarmy · 11/08/2015 18:39

'I got it cheap from a forum

Anyone else vomited slightly at the thought of this?

Hellionandfriends · 11/08/2015 19:42

Yes grim!

Nonnainglese · 11/08/2015 19:50

I'd set fire to the bloody things, or take a chainsaw to them.

As for innocent stupid mistake , I'm speechless.

Surely he must have known op would eventually find out, they aren't exactly subtle or easily hidden. I'd never want my DH near me again.

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