Shocked at what i found tonight

[SiliconDollMansWife]

As my new name change suggests, i found something shocking tonight.

DH and i were having a BBQ in the garden. A storm broke and it rained heavily out so we continued to eat in the summer house. I venturd back into the house alone to get something and realised DH had left the Velux window in his office open and water was pouring into the stairwell and storage room below. I grabbed a mop and ventured down there to do a quick clean up. I do not normally go in this room becuase it is off DH's office and is just used for storing his gym equipment and sports equipment. My end of the mop must have banged a cupboard door and it swung open.

Inside was 1 lifesize silicon sex doll, a spare head with different hair, a half a sex doll, just a torso with no arms and legs or head. Both dolls had tits like Dolly Parton. I shut the door, put on my mum head and continued with the bbq. After putting the DCs to bed i told DH.

He said it was because since having DC2, a nightmare of a child, we had been having little sex. Insisted he loved me, later said that he thought i didn't take care of myself, had not lost the baby weight etc.

He is now asleep and i am lying awake. What the fuck do i do? We live abroad. I have no job and cannot work. DC2 is a fecking nightmare child, i can't handle him/her alone.

I agree it's not useful to compare this to having an affair. But imagine if the children had found 'her'

Monogamy, and faithfulness, is a long old road, full of twists and turns.

Whatever gets you through.

Because sex drives can be mismatched, and one's sexual fantasies can change over the years, I'm really glad my partner does not judge what sex toys I choose to use in private.

I would actually find this harder to cope with than an affair. I can understand DH could find another woman attractive, although it woul devastate me. I could not respect a man who could hump a plastic sex doll with huge tits - it just dehumansises women in a way an affair doesn't.

I agree with the counselling suggestion - and your DH should be embarrassed, not you. Remember, if you do split up, he still has to support his children. Is there no way you can get a job? It must be awful to be so dependent on someone you find yourself despising.

I'm back. No i'm not a troll, i have been around since before Brian from Hull, that was fecking years ago, and i was on the Pom Bears dinner party thread too.

DH left for work just now, we awoke to find the dishwasher has flooded the kitchen so spent the morning cleaning that up together and talking like a normal couple. My face to the floor mopping meant i didn't have to look at him. He was left now.

I do love him. He is an otherwise very good husband. Just brian fried right now. Thanks for the comments. I have always been somewhat trapped, as quite a lot of expat wives are. I don't know if i want to leave or not. I don't know if i could ever have sex with him again though, so surely that means the end of our marriage. He said he was glad i had found it, a huge weight lifted off his shoulders. He had wanted to tell me for a while but not known how to. He had been wanting to get rid of them but didn't know how. He said

Maybe he could get rid and buy a fleshlight instead, thats no different to a dildo

Silicon doll companies should offer a disposable returns service.

Getting rid of one of these things must indeed be very difficult.

OP you've had one hell of a shock, and then in top if that your DH has said some very unkind things. I hope you can move in from this, but I think the dolls need to go before that can happen.

I'm not surprised you were shocked OP. Its really not what you'd expect to find and I'm pretty sure I'd be livid. I'm trying to look at it objectively though and feel that it is better than an affair or prostitute. But then why not just have a wank? I think I'd prefer him to be using porn than this. I think i would lose respect for a man who got his kicks shagging a doll. But again, otoh its a glorified sex toy. Is it any different to a woman using a rampant rabbit?

The comments would hurt. I thinking gout can/want to get over the shock and get rid of the dolls then you could get past this but it would take effort from both of you.

I don't believe this is bad
It's not emotional
It's just physical
If it was another woman then it's a different story - but it's not - it's an inanimate object
He didn't stray or cheat - at least not by my definition
Use it as an opportunity to talk - openly honestly
You have needs too

I can't believe anyone thinks that sex with a plastic object is worse than an affair with a whole other human being, or sex with a prostitute.

Sorry but with a real life woman he would be "catering" for her needs, having to make conversation etc with a piece of rubber shaped like a woman he gets to choose what he does without any objections.

It seems by his reasoning that he only got the doll because you had put on weight since you did something in real life, bore him 2 children. I know you love your dh but deep down are there any other issues? Is he controlling? Can he not cope with real life?
Going to the expense of getting one of these dolls, I presume from what you describe these are the "custom" made sort not the cheap blow up variety, is a tad extreme for just finding your dw unattractive whilst she loses baby weight.

He said he bought the headless and limbless one first then it broke so he bought the fullsized one. He didn't feel comfortable using the fullsized one so didn't. I think the idea was to use the boobs to wank himself, not the ladybits.

My confidence was low before i discovered this, now it is even lower. Just don't know how i am going to feel better about myself. My DM visited last month and told me i had let myself go and needed to smarten up the house and myself and stop watching television at night, for the sake of myself and my marriage.

He said there is a web forum and he found it for sale quite cheaply on this web forum.

I doubt it's that you don't still look the same as when you first met that has led you DH to these dolls ....just the lack of sex between you. I think your DH just said that as an excuse to try and explain them.

Because silicone dolls in the cupboard do demand an explanation, yet at the same time there is probably little more to this than a very posh wank.

I couldn't imagine my husband with one of these and understand how freaked out you were when you found it!

But of course it's better than an affair. And he's obviously relieved to be able to talk to you about it. TBH I'd rather the doll than my husband pawing me every night when I'm exhausted from the day and just want to go to sleep.

Give yourself some time to get over the surprise. If he is a good husband and you are otherwise happy together, then this is no reason to break up your marriage.

I think that is now he seems it, Angie just a posh wank.

He didn't use to store the dolls in the cupboard they were stored in the loft and the brought them down to the cupboard as he wanted to clear them out and didn't know what to do with them so just stuffed them in there. So he said.

I totally understand the OP being shocked, and feeling upset about the explanation and reasoning, but I don't think some of the comments are at all helpful. The man found a way to satisfy his physical need which didn't involve him emotionally or financially with an other person, it didn't steal time away from his family.

I expect there are many women who have a vibrator or dildo which their partners don't know about, and which are not used as part of their shared experience. And vibrators are made in sizes often larger than the average man, with electronic 'ears' for stimulation. Should all men feel dehumanised by them?

What he said about letting yourself go wasn't ok. We all know that pregnancy and childbirth and the months of sleepless nights destroy you completely! That needs to be addressed for sure.

The sex doll I'm undecided on if I'm honest. If it was me if he'd be open then I'd be ok with it. I don't see much different to other sex toys if I'm honest. I think hes genuine about wanting to get rid can he sell it on the same forum? Or hack saw it up bin bag it and take it to the local dump?

?Given that the market for sex toys aimed at women is pretty large I can't help wondering why there is no life sized plastic man sex toy for women?

Presume that there is no demand? But why if women clearly want sex toys does that demand not extend to a full life sized replica in the same way that it does for men??

I can understand your feelings about discovering this, it must have been shocking for you. FWIW, I'd believe him about wanting rid etc and it wouldn't bother me about the chest thing. That's all fantasy land stuff. although I would find it freaky But the comments about your body etc are totally out of order and he needs to be aware of this. Sounds like you need to talk about how this feels to you?

Hope you're ok today.

Maybe at some point if it feels easier, together you can find a discreet way of setting fire to Dolly and the limbless being, perhaps do it as a bit of a symbolic saying goodbye to this shitty thing and moving forward?

For me, it's the whole " not taking care of yourself, haven't lost the weight" comments, I take it you put on weight carrying his child? He's blaming you rather than being an adult and sitting down and talking about the changes that have happened in your marriage

Your marriage can't be dependent on what weight you are. Can he help you more around the house, have you got someone that can babysit so that you can go out together?

The problem is we don't get much time together. But we don't have family around and DC2 has difficulties so it is hard to find a babysitter that isn't a specialist and thus costs a fortune. Right now i don't want to go anywhere near him though. I feel quite sick at the thought of him

If be disgusted if I found DP had one of these. Personally to me it'd be worse than him having a drunken ons.

OP it does sound as if there are other issues in your marriage and this doll is just the tip of the iceberg.

What is going on with your difficult second DC?

You sound quite frazzled and it doesn't sound as if you and dh are part of a team.

It's your prerogative to leave him over this, some would, some wouldn't. If leaving is something you're considering then you need to get to a lawyer ASAP to find out about the immigration issue. You are right to be cautious if you are in a country where you have no right to live but your DCs could be kept there.

With the lifesize doll you get a 'partner' who is 100% compliant and has no needs of her own, so I really don't think it is analogous with a woman using a vibrator

I've been an expat, it can put a lot of pressure on a marriage

OP, I completely understand everything you say in your last post.

DH and I were exactly as you describe when our kids were younger, it was hard but we did get through it, we still don't get much time to ourselves but when we notice ourselves becoming more distant we make more of an effort for a bit to engage after the kids have gone to bed rather than watch TV and ignore eachother

I also understand you not wanting to be near him, at least till you can feel attracted to him again emotionally and mentally. Sounds like you need to talk about this as husband and wife, maybe after the kids have gone to bed, get a bottle of wine, turn the TV off and have that conversation?

See, some men, just like some women, have some odd fetishes. I'd be a bit shocked i guess if i found a sex doll that dp liked to use then id be a bit nonplussed but hey ho, we are all different. But it stopped being ok when your DH said that it was due to you letting yourself go!

Even if it was to cover his mortification of having his fetish discovered, he should not have turned this around on you. Its not about you, im willing to bet he'd be fucking that thing if you were a bloody supermodel.

how is your sex life generally?