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Original poster

Shocked at what i found tonight

182 replies

SiliconDollMansWife · 10/08/2015 00:18

As my new name change suggests, i found something shocking tonight.

DH and i were having a BBQ in the garden. A storm broke and it rained heavily out so we continued to eat in the summer house. I venturd back into the house alone to get something and realised DH had left the Velux window in his office open and water was pouring into the stairwell and storage room below. I grabbed a mop and ventured down there to do a quick clean up. I do not normally go in this room becuase it is off DH's office and is just used for storing his gym equipment and sports equipment. My end of the mop must have banged a cupboard door and it swung open.

Inside was 1 lifesize silicon sex doll, a spare head with different hair, a half a sex doll, just a torso with no arms and legs or head. Both dolls had tits like Dolly Parton. I shut the door, put on my mum head and continued with the bbq. After putting the DCs to bed i told DH.

He said it was because since having DC2, a nightmare of a child, we had been having little sex. Insisted he loved me, later said that he thought i didn't take care of myself, had not lost the baby weight etc.

He is now asleep and i am lying awake. What the fuck do i do? We live abroad. I have no job and cannot work. DC2 is a fecking nightmare child, i can't handle him/her alone.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/08/2015 10:55

I didn't get it from anywhere, I'm suggesting it as an alternative position to all the "he's not thinking of your needs" comments.

As the OP hasn't enlightened us, both are equally moot.

Original poster
SiliconDollMansWife · 10/08/2015 11:29

He has not pestered me for sex at all. He was giving me the space i needed to deal with DC2, apparently.

He insist he wants rid of the dolls. He has offered to leave to give me some space but that would mean explaining his absence and i don't want to tell anyone in RL about this. Plus the DCs would be suspicious and unhappy with his sudden departure. So far DCs know nothing, obviously.

OP posts:
Original poster
SiliconDollMansWife · 10/08/2015 11:31

He doesn't fancy me anymore but loves me and thinks i am a great wife and mother.

Thanks everyone, signigng out now need to deal with DC and RL

OP posts:
LadyNym · 10/08/2015 11:44

OP, I can understand why you would be shocked by finding the dolls. I also think I'd be uncomfortable if I was in your situation.

But, as other posters have said, it really isn't that different to a dildo. Despite some posters jumping to the crazy and unsubstantiated opinion that your DH sees you as nothing more than a vagina who cooks, I think he has tried to be considerate towards you. It sounds like you have had great difficulties with your DC (with a DS going through an ASD diagnosis and another I'm already starting to suspect may be on the spectrum I can understand how exhausting and hard this can be) and he didn't want to pressure you when you've been struggling. But he has felt sexually frustrated. Instead of pressuring you (which many partners end up doing even if they don't mean to) or finding sex elsewhere he made the - ill-judged - decision to get these dolls. I doubt he viewed them as some sort of replacement or an ideal version of you or anything like that. I think the poster who said they were for a 'posh wank' was probably completely right.

The comment about you having let yourself go was not on. This is probably what would have upset me most and I do think that's something you need to talk to him about.

It may seem like you couldn't ever bring yourself to have sex with him again but I don't think you'll feel that way once some time has passed and this is all less raw.

LadyNym · 10/08/2015 11:49

X post.

I'm sorry, OP, I don't know what to say to that.

milliemanzi · 10/08/2015 11:52

I'm astounded at how many people seem to think having sex with a blow-up doll is the same as using a vibrator!

suzanneyeswecan · 10/08/2015 11:59

?For one thing I could never fit a lifesize silicon man into the drawer of my bedside cabinet ?

AnyFucker · 10/08/2015 11:59

it doesn't matter if op can "find a way to have sex with him again"

he doesn't want to have sex with her

because...who knows ?

he prefers to shag an unresponsive piece of rubber ?

she has "let herself go" ?

she isn't the "funbag" she used to be because of the pressures of looking after demanding children blah blah blah ?

why should op strive to get back to a time when she wanted to have sex with him ? I certainly wouldn't, and I would feel this way because of his actions and his comments and his attitude towards what a mutual, respectful sex life looks like

differentnameforthis · 10/08/2015 12:01

I don't think he has been at all considerate towards op.

AnyFucker · 10/08/2015 12:01

that's not a version of "considerate" that I recognise

ExConstance · 10/08/2015 12:14

I can't believe the responses on here - it is no different to a woman using a vibrator. We can't help what we find attractive and if my DH put on a lot of weight and stopped looking after himself I might not fancy him so much, but I probably wouldn't tell him, just encourage him to make diet and exercise changes.

milliemanzi · 10/08/2015 12:26

Would you have sex with a blow-up-man doll? Sorry it's fucking weird.

Christinayanglah · 10/08/2015 12:35

Any sex toy is a problem when you are using it instead of being with your partner, it's also very selfish and the complete opposite of considerate, he hasn't considered her feelings at all

Op you obviously have a lot going on, perhaps you should take some time to take a breath and see if there are any changes you want to make. He's thrown you with this one and your head may be all over the place just now x

suzanneyeswecan · 10/08/2015 12:37

A lifesize doll suggestions a far higher level of investment in masturbation than does a vibrator , I'd suggest that it's in a different league
?

differentnameforthis · 10/08/2015 12:47

Of course it is different. Something comparable would be a masturbation sleeve, not a life size, woman-like rubber doll with holes. Why does he need to use something that is as close to life like as you can get?

Women tend to use a hand held vibe, it is very different.

jenenberry · 10/08/2015 12:51

I can imagine some sad loser using one of these blow up contraptions. But otherwise? Why?
I also dread to think what state they're like 'inside'. I hope he cleans them out. How would you even go about that? Yuk.

You have my utmost sympathy OP.

Garlick · 10/08/2015 13:31

I wish posters would get that these aren't blow-up dolls. It's even weirder than that.

milliemanzi · 10/08/2015 13:35

UGH.

Christinayanglah · 10/08/2015 13:36

That is bloody creepy

AngieBolen · 10/08/2015 13:45

It's the getting rid of the doll that is concerning me.

I can imagine them being ordered over the internet on a whim...but then how the hell do you get rid of one of these things? You can't just take it down to the tip.

CatMilkMan · 10/08/2015 13:49

Angie I feel like making a really from confession...

usualsuspect333 · 10/08/2015 13:56

I don't think our tip has a bin for recycling creepy dolls.

Saltedcaramel2014 · 10/08/2015 14:02

Hi OP. I'm new to this thread and sorry to hear about what you're going through.

I know it's hard but (just for a second) let's forget the doll. Or at least try and see beyond it.

He's just told you he doesn't fancy you. I'm sorry you've had to hear that - and I'm sorry but I'm going to flag up that it's massive. That's not an issue you can ignore and hope everything settles back down when the dolls are at the tip. This is something you have to address, or your marriage will really suffer. I don't mean you trying to change (god no. Not that) but I mean through couples counselling or similiar. You wouldn't even have to mention the dolls.

Want2bSupermum · 10/08/2015 14:59

OP I really feel for you.

I think the real problem is that he hasn't communicated any of his thoughts to you. It's not on that he dumps 'I don't fancy you anymore due to aftermath of DC' only after you confront him.

I've had this lack of communication with my DH and it's really hard because it's so bloody stupid. If we don't have sex or the equivalent at least 4 times a week I'm asking questions and sadly often there is something on his mind that he didn't want to burden me with. We also have 2 DC and our DS, also 2, has special needs. It doesn't help being 3000 miles from family.

If I were you I would be sitting him down and letting him know that him not communicating with you is unacceptable. Tell him he needs to get rid of the doll. He found a way to buy it so he can find a way to get rid of it.

I don't know your finances but we found throwing money at childcare has worked really well for us. Sometimes once the kids are sleeping we go over to the local hotel for a few hours. It's lovely to go somewhere clean and tidy. It's not about having sex but about having a private place to catch up. If I'm really tired or DH is one of us sleeps at the hotel and the other one goes home to be with the kids. This way you don't need a babysitter who is super qualified.

As for you not being like you were I would be reminding him of your marriage vows. He needs to just get over it. If you are feeling drained you need more support and he needs to back you up far more than he is.

suzanneyeswecan · 10/08/2015 15:55

Those 'sex toys' look very expensive Garlic

I'm too scared to go on a google hunt to see what they actually cost but I think the 'I got it cheap from a forum' line sounds like bullshit.Hmm
I wonder how much he has really spentHmm

And yes, many posters seem have an image of the blow up dolls from that fools and horses episode.
Things have clearly moved on somewhatShock