How do I find out the truth ?

[AmINeedy]

Hi
I've been with my partner for over two years.
We live in separate houses as we both like where we live,we stay at each other's houses and planning to merge into one house together.

Today for the first time in 12 months I thought to look through my other halves phone just as curiosity and not expecting to see anything other than when he's meeting to play golf or meet his mates to go to the pub.
There was a number he'd text,no name ,the text said he'd had to leave to travel to South Wales for work today instead of tomorrow..he asked the recipe ant " when are you back next and do you stay in the same place" followed by a name and 4 digit number.
I googled the name and number and a site called FABGUYS.COM came up associated with the same name and number. I clicked on the same name and the person lived in the same area as my oartner ,similar height( he's exceptionally tall) and age. WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT.

I am not sure what to do as 1, I shouldn't have looked in his phone and 2, I need more evidence before I confront him without looking like a fool and just incase I am a complete bunny boiler,I don't want to look stupid.
Any advice on how to get concrete evidence or ways to find out properly is really whist I'd like advice on please xx

[HeyDuggee]

OP, try telling the truth. This sounds really strange but was he meeting xyz? (yes). Confirm it's the site and politely ask for description (or confirm it).

Why would the other person lie? He may just say he doesn't want to get involved and out the phone down on you.

[QuintShhhhhh]

He may not use the site any more now that he has hooked up with somebody for sex, and is using his phone to arrange meet ups.

[eurogoose]

I wasn't asking you to justify it to me. I'm just confused as to whether or not you feel happy in this relationship.

I was saying that if you're happy with how things are that you don't have to leave. My point is that what you're describing isn't a romantic relationship, it's a friendship at best. And if you're happy to give up on the opportunity for a romantic relationship with sexual intimacy etc that's ok.

So, are you happy with how things are, or not? Or is it that you were happy before you saw this on his phone? (I think not because you've posted about him previously and you weren't happy).

[AmINeedy]

Hi
Yes I was happy our relationship was going from strength to strength ,we were talking more,getting closer too,spending more time together ,he'd asked me to marry him and move in with him ,everything was coming together.
I've managed to connect with the person on the web site with the same profile name as was attached to the text my partner sent to a mysterious mobile number,there were graphic photos of him with another person.
In many ways the person looks like my man but a lot slimmer too though.hands very alike and what looks like a mole on his stomach the same .
The person wants to meet on Wednesday at 11am he wants the post code of the area I'm pretending to meet him. So many things seems similar,both work at home for a big organisation too.
I don't think you realise how good I will feel if this is him, I no many don't understand my way of handling things but I will feel no qualms at walking up to him at the arranged destination and saying the profile number and walking out of his life with out ever looking back .

[Nonnainglese]

Phew!
Good luck Needy!

[notapizzaeater]

Wow, don't think I'd have the bottle to go through with it. If he has a mole the same as your partner (the slimmer could just be a younger photo) then why do you need proof ? That is proof.

[ICantThinkOfAUsernameH]

Good luck! If I was patient I'd do the same - you'll get great satisfaction "catching him out", though I think deep down you know it will be him.
Still could prove is all wrong!
Let us know how it goes

[EeyoresTail]

If it is him OP how do you expect him to react to seeing you? Is there someone you could take with you for back up?

[HeyDuggee]

So you've seen pictures on his profile giving or receiving oral sex and you still need "proof".

[nearlyhadenough]

Needy, I understand why you need your certain type of proof.

I believe you are feeling/thinking the same way as I am - searching for that tiny 1% chance that you could be wrong (no matter what the signs point to, no matter what other people point out, no matter what you gut instinct says in those more 'real' moments) and that you and your partner can go on and somehow have an ideal life.

I hope you get whatever you want/need on Wednesday.

[holidayhell]

Gosh OP. What a crazy situation. I hope you get the solid evidence you need and you can wall away from this man at last.

[BitOutOfPractice]

If he's knocked a few years off his age on his profile, chances are he'll be using old (slimmer) pictures too.

How much more "proof" do you need op? Your "dp " is active on a gay hookup site

Have you asked him what his plans are Wednesday as you fancy going to the cinema or whatever

[BitOutOfPractice]

I understand that need for the truth too. I was like a woman possessed. But when faced with my BF's live profile on a (straight) hook up site I stopped right there

[Croatianmum]

Do what your instinct is telling you. Only that way you will have peace and you will never be "what if?".

[nearlyhadenough]

Needy - how are you?

[notapizzaeater]

Hope you are ok needy xx

[Melonfool]

"I don't think you realise how good I will feel if this is him"

Cripes - um, maybe you should just end the relationship without doing this?

I mean, it's a bit stalker-ey isn't it? Underneath, you know it's him and you know the relationship isn't right, and you don't need any reason to end a relationship.

I am concerned if it is NOT him. The person may feel very aggrieved and may react badly. Are you taking someone with you?

Presumably this was about an hour ago....

[ICantThinkOfAUsernameH]

How did it go needy?

[pocketsaviour]

Hope you are okay OP and that you have a resolution one way or the other.

I don't think you realise how good I will feel if this is him

I understand you perfectly.

[AmINeedy]

Hi. I'm feeling really stupid, the person didn't contact me this morning when I logged on the site.
It was due to take place at 11, the person was to contact me so I could give specific details as where to meet.
I know I look stupid to many of you and I do feel it.
The photos on the site I found of a man using the profile name the same as on a text I found on my partners phone are very blurry.
The body looks similar in many ways but so do many other pics of headless men, there are similarities.
I really love this man,in ways I hadn't before ,the lack of sex made us closer in other ways. Obviously the happy picture changes in heinsight if proved his lack of sex has been due to a secret life but until I get confirmation .

The oddest thing his line of work means he comes across dealing with people who have secret lives and he unravels them so he knows how to be discreet too so being so clumsy to leave a text with what looks like a profile name is odd too which is why I'm having a bad job accepting the inevitable .
I just wanted actual proof so I've no regrets.

Thank you for the concern I don't deserve it, I just now look stupid x

[mochindu]

I'm sorry you're having to go through all this but from what you've said about this man on your other thread it seems as if you're having to work very hard to persuade yourself that everything's fine, when he's really giving you very, very little in return.

If he's used to 'unraveling' things for work, do you think he might have worked out it was you contacting the site? Via your IP address, maybe?

[MrNoseybonk]

fabguys is a gay hook up site.
There are a few reasons men go on those sites in my opinion.

1. To arrange real life meets for real life sex.
   
2. To browse and titillate i.e. for porn purposes with no intention of meeting.
   
3. To chat/flirt with no intention of meeting (you probably wouldn't believe this if your DH was using these sites but it's pretty common).
   
4. To waste people's time by arranging meets and not showing up, or to discuss arranging meets but never commit, etc. This goes on a lot, probably either young guys, married guys or scared guys.
   

So, unless he's doing 1 and you catch him red handed, you might never get the proof you need.
Of course, for many (most?) people, 2, 3 or 4 might be enough to end the relationship.

[AmINeedy]

I know, I'm torn that's why I just need to make certain it's him .

[AmINeedy]

Melonfoot, I didn't mean I want it to be him as we've really got a good relationship, we talk and share a lot together .what I meant if the name at the end of the text I had found and the person I found on the profile were the same person then I'd be glad I'd found out and there was an instant solution rather than this wondering and doubting .
Yes I did come on here for advice about our relationship in the past as I was at cross roads as to what to decide,we ended for a while then got back together after a few months apart and we started fresh and it is very different and we see a lot more of each other and we've gone from strength to strength it's been a real learning curve too.

If this is him of course it answers odd doubts but we can all say at some times. Rightly or wrongly I know I'm not wrong in believing it may be him,I just need to prove I am right

[maras2]

I've followed your threads since January 2nd,when I posted that I thought that he was gay.You hummed and haad and lolled a lot then.Why not just ask him face to face and if he is then make him your Best Gay Friend?