No one to look after children -parents can't be bothered

[peppajay]

Me and my Dh have been having problems for a long time. We never ever get time together as a couple basically because no one in our family actually gives a shit about us only themselves so we have no family help. I don't understand my parents - I have lots of respect for them in alot of ways as I had an absolutely fantastic childhood with so many happy memories they did everything for us and gave us so much love and attention my childhood was idillyc- but now is their time and they will not look after their grandchildren. They bore them apparently and they have far more important things to do. They have turned into child hating selfish self centred individuals who only care about themselves. My parents had a great relationship when I was little BUT every saturday night they went out as a couple without fail and they gave the 14 yr old next door a fiver for babysitting. We had a Great Auntie down the road who was a widow and adored kids so once a month my parents would go away for a weekend and leave us with her and we loved it. We have no one, my auntie used to be fantastic but she moved away to be near my cousin when she had her baby and she still feels guilty for 'leaving us' as now we don't have anyone!!! I look at these big happy families of cousins, aunties, grandmas and grandads, and think how wonderful it would to be to be part of that!!! Watching other kids on days out with their grandparents or sleepovers at their nan's my kids would love it but they don't want them!!! I know i cant force my parents to help us out but life would be so much easier. My mum says we should advertise for some random teenage girl and give her 10 pound maximum for a night. I am sure if me and my hubby could get some time together her relationship would be better. We go out seperately with friends quite often but can rarely do couple things- I have a few friends who will sit for a couple of hours but no one who can do a proper babysitting stint. Am I being selfish wanting some time alone with my DH or as my parents say 'if I am not willing to pay a teenager then our time will come in 10 years but dont rely on her as she has been there done that and now it is her time'

I'm the same as InsanityCatching except I have 4 kids close in age. My parents are really close to my now adult kids but they only very rarely babysat.

I love my nephews and nieces to bits but I really don't wont to babysit them - I like to take them out tori screams or whatever but I don't want to babysit them.

Those people saying that they won't look after their parents because said parents won't mind their grandchildren, I say you are quite, quite right because your parents deserve this treatment, not because they won't look after your children, but because they obviously didn't give you decent values.

As acrossthepond pointed out, I think it's partly a generational thing. I'm in my 30s, and when I was a child my grandparents didn't ever babysit. There were occasional sleepovers, but one child at a time (there were three of us siblings, plus other gc). My parents paid babysitters for childcare. And now, they don't do any regular babysitting for their grandchildren. My dd is five, and they have only looked after her once.

Just musing now, but I wonder if there is also a shift in the activities people expect to do with children too these days. Like asking grandparents to Sports Days... Mine would never have come along. They would enjoy having a Sunday lunch as a family, though. Family activities, rather than child-centred? Maybe your parents would enjoy more of that interaction? As childcare I would forget it, though, and pay somebody.

I actually feel for you OP. My PiL live close by and have NEVER offered to babysit or take our DCs anywhere. They only have 3 grandchildren and one of those lives 3 hours away.

They will 'watch' them only in an emergency and only at their house. Never take them anywhere although both fit and healthy.

What does make me cross is that DH says he and his DBs regularly went to stay with GPs and similarly they often took them out.

I don't believe it's got anything to do with 'entitlement' or 'expectation,' these children are their grandchildren FFS. Why would you not want to help out once in a while?

I have vowed several times to be a supportive, hands on grandma if and when the time comes.

I don't think it's generational can'tmakeme. My granny used to look after us loads, including picking us up from school although less so in the evenings (which I guess I've continued, as below). My own parents in their late 60s also can't bear Sunday family lunches, I guess everyone is different.

MrsFlorrick hope you are feeling a little better..