Oh dear god, DH has just given me...[underwear]

[SilentlySpeechless]

this. and he bought size L . I've never taken L in anything. And I just looked up the price We're supposed to be saving money.

Differentnameforthis - your bum hole leaks bacteria. Sorry if TMI but it is true. And amongst the bacteria, sweat and other moisture, a string of beads rubbing back and forwards will be a 'bacteria superhighway'.

Apart from the fact they are hideous and tacky items of 'clothing' appealing to men's views of women which have been inflenced by porn. IMO

Exactly Lulu! I was thinking similar but didn't want this to go the way of the hand washing thread which disturbed me for ages.

"...a string of beads rubbing back and forwards will be a 'bacteria superhighway'."

I wonder, if you set up a camera to take a photo of said beads using a long exposure, will you get the same streaky night time traffic lights effect?

I think streaky is a word to be avoided here.

Anyway, a feckload of oysters would have to die to make them in my size.

See - another reason to avoid them. They're not ETHICALLY SOURCED SUSTAINABLE FAIR TRADE PEARLS!

"I think streaky is a word to be avoided here."

Yeah I think maybe you're right there Cabrinha.

"another reason to avoid them. They're not ETHICALLY SOURCED SUSTAINABLE FAIR TRADE PEARLS!"

I'm fairly sure that sourcing an Armitage Shanks chain and plug off a kitchen sink could make a reasonable string of pearls substitute, just ask a B&Q employee to yank one off next time you're in the store.

yank one off

A thread that just keeps giving and giving...

but if you wore those underneath a tight-ish skirt, surely you'd look like you had a case of runaway piles?

Where are people getting the idea that these are for daily wear, gardening, yoga, hiking etc?

Surely they are for dressing up for a night of nookie?

But Wally the website says they are suitable to be worn 'anytime, anywhere and promoter greater well-being'. Unless, you think that might be misleading?

DH is out mowing the lawn in his man pearl thong as I write. The neighbour has just commented on how practical it is for mowing and weeding and said she is getting one for her gardener who is due round next week. Let's hope the weather holds for her because he wears a plastic mac if it rains- which might spoil the effect.

Pearls and plastic macs. Isn't that what the landed gentry wear?

I've just watched the instructional video. The first thing that alarmed me was the demonstration about how to get the pearls up there - apparently if your fingers don't work, you need to get what looks like a small rolling pin and start ramming away, GBBO style.

The second thing that alarmed me was how the screen went red at the end. Presumably that's a close-up of your hoo-ha afterwards.

Can I just say, that I have been howlong with laughter at yank one off since 8 am this morning.

Please no more. I'm exhausted with laughing

If I laugh much more I'm going to have to explain myself to DP and that's a conversation I'd rather not have...

Just yank his chain MrsWembly I'm sure he'd appreciate it!