Hobbit's Bar is still open.... Still finding it hard.. Part 12 .

[Hobbitwife001]

Well ladies and gentlemen, we're still open for business, this shit is still hard and we are still KOKO ing .....

Jess still finds time to support our endeavours with her Jessagrams...

Let's carry on shall we...

I just met up with exDP for an early dinner. He looks well. I don't think he's done a single second's dwelling on our separation for weeks now. He just seems to have thrown himself in to work. I only cried twice in the two hours.

I'm home now, no plans to meet up with anyone else until about this time tomorrow.

I'm feeling sad and lonely and just want this painful, painful time to be over.

I've not achieved half the things I wanted to do this weekend and the house is a tip - although a friend told me my "weekend off" is not for housework - which I do kind of agree with.

I did get out on the hills though and ran into a friend who's coming over later to stay the night. She's only 16 but we have a lot in common. She says "you're the only adult who treats me as an equal", I say she's the only "child" who doesn't constantly ask me for a cup of milk.

Still waiting for ex to say "I was wrong, let's make it work". I gave him a really nice birthday present yesterday which I'd chosen a few weeks ago with care before he put the boot into me again. He liked it. Hope it makes him sick every time he looks at it.

(((swiss)))

So, in the end I called a friend and went 'round for half an hour's TLC.

I think I'm at the stage where my head knows we're moving on to Acceptance but my heart hasn't got the memo. It's gorgeous weather here, so my plan is to stay outside for as long as possible reading numerous Relate books and then come inside for telly, writing, cleaning, crafting etc.

Not been on in a while.
So very close to being Meh and not caring anymore, in many ways I don't.
I just have trouble letting go of that little piece of me who doesn't want to believe the last 8 months have been real.

My ex is not uncaring he is far from it in fact if I asked him to jump he would but he was mean and uncaring when I needed him most he shut himself off from what he had done and instead thought more of ow than he did the children or myself.
I still don't know what he and her are doing it still seems to be playing out behind closed doors ....

What I have most trouble with is that we don't hear from him in the two weeks between his fortnightly visit.
It is his mum who keeps track of us.
When he does come though it is hard, he is over friendly, wants to know all that we've been up, talk forever, offers to do things for me, the use of his car when mine broke, he brings "things" that he thinks I might want desserts or it seems he rummages around to find any last remnants of my things from our life together.

This week he had the children a night extra, he did message to ask if we might all like to spend the day together ? (I didn't respond as I felt that it wasn't fair on the OW for us to be out as a family)
He dropped the children back that day and offered to stay And help build a garden toy I had had delivered but I declined the offer.

It's really hard to let go completely when I don't think he has either.

Isn't it so fucking hard? I'm struggling too. ExDP is doing the same - offering to do little things for me, still happy to spend time with me (on his terms).

I am this close to emailing him to beg him to come back tonight, just for one night.

This hurts so much.

I feel I've gone right back to the start in how I'm feeling.

How are you today Myturn?

I've been staying with Dsis and family this weekend with the DC's. Was a lovely weekend, but also first time on my own and I felt a bit uneasy like there was something wrong I couldn't put my finger on. Missing him is not as painful as it was at the beginning now and I'm bracing for the 4 month backslide...
Good things though - no more work til 7 September- so happy as the school holiday so far ha been bloody exhausting!

Hold on. Did you say 4 month back slide? Whats that all about? I have been tearful all weekend and sobbed on a friend of a friends shoulder in the playground this morning. Its the first time for a while that I have seriously contemplated opening up discussions again.

Its 4 months 5 days since I discovered and this weekend has been one of the worst for a while. At least its raining which suits my mood.

I hope the rest of you are getting by.

Tomato, the others in the bar who have been here longer warned about it (maybe in the previous thread?). There is a crash about 4-6 months in where you feel like you did at the beginning...I'm about a month away. Tomato I'm so sorry that it sounds like that's where you are this weekend. Hope you're ok and it passes soon...
KOKO xxx

Yep thats where I am. Constantly close to tears. Shakey. I just feel an utter mess.

I have been feeling so much stronger recently, getting on and slowly rebuilding, sure I was doing the right thing. I've completely lost that feeling.

I feel completely knocked sideways again.

tomato, you may be struggling, but you're doing it, and you're not alone.

So the last two days were hellish but it's like a weight has been lifted. I'm starting to recognise a pattern now. It's as though there are these bubbles of pain on the surface. They simmer away until my body is ready for another one to build and then it fills full of sadness and hurt until I can't take any more and then it bursts, and another bubble of pain is released. Right now I'm "enjoying" that feeling of the absence of such acute pain. I'm able to feel the nicer feelings of Calm, Acceptance and Happiness today.

I've been reading lots of books, as you know, and last night I rather reluctantly started a Paul McKenna book. It's bloody great and it's helping so much. I read until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

I've had a bit of a weird weekend, but hey - sunday night and still alive. Friday night I had to drop the DC's at his as there's no public transport and his car is dead. It was soooo fucking hard driving away.

Last night he sent a few nice messages.

Today I went to collect the DC's and he dropped the bombshell that every time they stay at his, my NC parents (who are fucking evil and told me it was all my own fault my lovely husband moved on because I'm such an awful wife and mother) have been calling his to talk to my children and he's been facilitating this.

I cried all the way home. I hate them and they have been vile people all my life (stately homes style). AIBU to have gone absolutely off my nut at this?

Swiss - thats terrible - your family, your decision about the level of their contact. I would be seriously reducing contact with him or getting it supervised if it were at all possible. Thats just evil and not in the childrens best interests surely? Awful vile man.

Am feeling a bit better having just done a lovely relaxing yoga class. I think yoga has saved my sanity through this whole horrid ordeal. Its the only thing which properly stabilises my emotions. I recommend.

Oh swiss that sounds dreadfully difficult and very hurtful. I think you should consider getting some advice about your options.

I'm so glad you two don't think I'm being a drama queen about this. I'm planning to seek advixe tomorrow. Right now the option I want is to "run" so none of them can ever find me. :(

I think that your reaction is completely rational swiss. I hate feeling impotent like this. I hope you get the advice you need and that you feel it gives you some options to choose from.

Hello all,

Just checking in. I have actually posted twice before and it hasn't come up for some reason.

Hope everyone is ok and koko.

Swiss I totally agree with you, however I know my ex would do the same. If I stopped contact with either my parents or my ex the other would facilitate contact if that makes sense. I am reducing contact with my parents to 4 visits a year and no over nights after their latest stunts during this hard time. Exs contact is going ok but I'm always on a knife edge wondering when he's going to be aggressive again.

11 day countdown to the hospital attempting to start labour. I don't feel ready at all. But keep telling myself I'll cope because I have to x

I was just thinking about you this morning 2little, it's good to hear from you, even if not in the easiest of situations.

I don't think it's just a case of you will cope, but that you are coping.

Ah the lovely Jess x How come some posts are green?

and mine is lilac..

Eamonn it's in the settings somewhere

I'm good to you ......

......that's in FAQ

Thanks, shootthetwatintheredshirt2 ...never happened before

Woooooooooo

Nope.....