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Original poster

He used me for sex :-( feel so sad

255 replies

Confused2015xxx · 03/08/2015 16:32

A man persued my for years .
Charming and I was really attracted to him .
We text all the time and got on well .
Two weeks ago he came to mine and we had some drinks .We got on so well and really clicked .
I was just finishing my period and wasn't planning on having sex but he convinced me .
Anyway since he's hardly gave me the time of day .
He sent me a few messages but doesn't seem bothered about having a convo with me .
He told me he he loved me and stupidly I believed him .
We have known each other years .
I text Him 4 hours ago and no reply .
What did I do wrong ?
I feel really sad :-(
I'm not normally this stupid and niaeve but I hand on heart thought it was genuine .

OP posts:
Original poster
Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 11:34

That's what he said to me.
I don't want you to be the other woman,your worth more than that.
Your special and deserve something special.
We could have sex now but that would spoil it all.
Reading it back it's laughable

OP posts:
Offred · 04/08/2015 11:34

I know he is a player,I believed everything he said,it seemed so real.

To you but not to anyone on here. You didn't heed warnings about him and it was ridiculously obvious that this would happen - to everyone.

This means there is a real problem with you that you need to deal with - why is your twat radar so off and why are your boundaries and expectations so low?

DoorToTheRiver · 04/08/2015 11:35

I am sure many men who cheat have a decent sex life at home. Players like this bloke like the thrill of the chase, the challenge of getting another woman into bed, a different woman to get to know intimately, the ego boost of having more than one woman on the go. It has got nothing to do with his sex life.

Offred · 04/08/2015 11:37

It's nothing to do with sex. It's about entitlement, power and control and seeing women as objects who provide services for men's desires.

Yes, he put a lot of effort into chasing you but it wasn't because he cares for you, it was because getting you into bed through a long campaign of manipulation is an ego boost for him.

Original poster
Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 11:37

That's the thing it's only with him.
With other men I can see straight through them but for some reason I can't with him.
I will hate him and then he will text and it's like I forgot the hating him bit.
I don't want to be that person,it's not who I am or what I want to be.

OP posts:
Original poster
Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 11:39

Re reading your last post offred has just reminded me of something he said .
" I can get any woman I want"
Totally forgot he said that

OP posts:
DoorToTheRiver · 04/08/2015 11:39

So he's back in touch with you, now what? Will he manage to sweet talk you into bed again or will you think enough of yourself and show some respect for his girlfriend and baby and tell him to fuck off?

Offred · 04/08/2015 11:40

Think how great he must be feeling making himself the centre of everybody's lives and successfully manipulating everyone to get there.

He may well be back sniffing around you once he has devalued you through this period of ignoring you. Don't make the same mistake again.

If he doesn't give a flying fuck about his own child then he is not going to treat his sexual partners well is he?

Original poster
Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 11:40

Well it's been nearly 24 hours and I haven't replied.
I don't want to,I know when he does try and sweet talk me il just have to not be stupid.
It feels like now he knows I'm weak and il never be able to show him I'm not.

OP posts:
DoorToTheRiver · 04/08/2015 11:41

Exactly what Offred said.

He will use you as and when it suits him if you let him. The longer you let him the worse you will feel.

Original poster
Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 11:42

Even before we slept together he would pick and choose when he spoke.
It wasn't consistent.
That should of said it all.

OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 04/08/2015 11:42

A couple of weeks after giving birth, no it's not that obvious they are having sex.

Many, many females still haven't recovered. Still healing. Still bleeding ( and many females don't have sex when bleeding). Fucking knackered from sleepless nights.

He's a bastard who couldn't respect his gf and the mother of his child to wait until she was ready. You know like a decent bloke does. Instead he came to see you.

Offred · 04/08/2015 11:43

This guy may well be the kind of intensely expressive manipulator who makes you feel so intoxicated that you ignore your discomfort but your life will be miserable if you continue to do that and you know it will be. You need to listen mainly to the negative things about him and learn to ignore his intense 'loving' side because it's the cunt side that's the real him - unfortunately for all the people whose lives he is wrecking....

Original poster
Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 11:44

I'm not making excuses for his behaviour.
He told his gf he didn't want a baby and she was taking the pill .
She stopped talking it and got pregnant ( didn't tell him ) then whilst they were apart text him saying " well your trapped now "
I seen the texts and even his mum did .
Maybe that explains he's behaviour.
Or not I don't know.
He didn't want to move in with her and maybe that made him behaviour like a twat.
I don't know.
I try to see the good in people

OP posts:
lotrben17 · 04/08/2015 11:44

why doesn't the fact that he's got a tiny baby and a gf cut any ice for you?
it's a mystery to me how awful blokes like this can get any women to even give them the time of day. you've had a lucky escape, unlike his gf who is stuck with some sort of relationship with him because of the baby.

WhoNickedMyName · 04/08/2015 11:44

Don't worry, he'll be in touch when he wants sex.

And undoubtedly you'll oblige, even though you are currently spouting all the same old bullshit that you said on your other threads about your good intentions.

DoorToTheRiver · 04/08/2015 11:45

I'll phrase this kindly. You were weak, you gave in to his advances because you wanted to believe him and your self esteem is fucked so you put your own wishes above those of his girlfriend and baby.

You can show him you are not weak any more by telling him to fuck off and by meaning it.

lotrben17 · 04/08/2015 11:46

yeah i don't buy the trapped thing. He sounds really dysfunctional and you should stay away if you have any sense. He could have taken responsibility for contraception himself or finished a bad relationship.

Offred · 04/08/2015 11:46

You need to block him as was previously suggested.

Bloodyteenagers - they've been having an EA for four years I think. It's not something that has happened overnight though I think he probably decided now, after all the years of 'holding off' getting narcissistic supply by building the op's obsession, was the time to manipulate the sex because his GF is not in a place to have it right now.

FanOfHermione · 04/08/2015 11:47

What abopopout just blocking his number?
Atm you are still waiting for him to send a text and see when he will try and contact you again.
Don't.

He manipulated you. Don't let him play with you again.
Trust the people who are close to you and knw him. If his mum told you to be careful, listen to her!

And move on to new waters with a nice (single :)) guy who will actually really think the world of you.

MereKaffe · 04/08/2015 11:49

Confused, on another thread, a young woman with her head very tightly screwed on is feeling very hurt. She is ordering a book called ''jerk radar".

Can I recommend the same book to you.

Unlike some others on the thread, I don't want to dismiss your pain as pain is pain even if the guy has a baby. Fact is, you're still hurting. But deal with it now. Order the book from amazon. Brew

Offred · 04/08/2015 11:49

You aren't seeing the good, you are wilfully ignoring who he is.

He has cheated on every GF he has had. Just because the current GF said in a text 'now you are trapped' doesn't mean she deliberately tricked him into having a baby as he claims.

He is a deeply untrustworthy liar ergo it is not wise to believe, unquestioningly, anything he says.

FanOfHermione · 04/08/2015 11:49

That doesn't explain his behaviour. Because his gf is going to have a baby, it doesn't mean he has to be go back to her. He could have chosen to be a dad for that vchild and not be with his gf.
Going back to her, playing the 'good dad' role whilst using that as an excuse to sleep arounhd, as if that was a good excuse, is NOT coming from a nice man. It's cvoming from someone who doesn't care abut other, incl a poor baby that will end up hurt in the middle of all that.

LoisPuddingLane · 04/08/2015 11:50

Your special and deserve something special

i.e, not him

CheersMedea · 04/08/2015 11:50

The guys mum rang me and told me not to trust him and don't let him drag him to that level.
That's coming from his own mother

Well that says it all really. Mothers tend to think even the worst players, being their sons, are adorable. That's pretty far gone for his mummy to say that about him. He's bad news.

Don't worry, he'll be in touch when he wants sex.

Listen to WhoNickedMyName. Think about how utterly shit you feel now and then imagine how much worse it will be if you do it again.