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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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He used me for sex :-( feel so sad

255 replies

Confused2015xxx · 03/08/2015 16:32

A man persued my for years .
Charming and I was really attracted to him .
We text all the time and got on well .
Two weeks ago he came to mine and we had some drinks .We got on so well and really clicked .
I was just finishing my period and wasn't planning on having sex but he convinced me .
Anyway since he's hardly gave me the time of day .
He sent me a few messages but doesn't seem bothered about having a convo with me .
He told me he he loved me and stupidly I believed him .
We have known each other years .
I text Him 4 hours ago and no reply .
What did I do wrong ?
I feel really sad :-(
I'm not normally this stupid and niaeve but I hand on heart thought it was genuine .

OP posts:
YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 04/08/2015 15:11

Hi all,
Could we keep the thread on topic, please, we are getting quite a few complaints about it. The OP hasn't been back in a while, but she was asking for support. As ever, if it's not something you don't want to contribute to, just click 'hide'.

Offred · 04/08/2015 15:11

I think the danger of the crusty wanksock experience might turn me on... Grin

Offred · 04/08/2015 15:12

Ah boo...

LoisPuddingLane · 04/08/2015 15:14

oh bumholes. OK. I'll go and stand outside the Head's office. AGAIN.

LoisPuddingLane · 04/08/2015 15:16

And you know, she has had support. More support than Jordan's tits, quite frankly. I'll leave you to it now.

LoopiusMaximus · 04/08/2015 15:16

You've got 2 options: 1. Forget this ever happened, you have both acted disgracefully.

  1. Keep chasing him and let go of the last ounce of self respect you claim to have.

Here's my advice: you've clearly been USED for one thing. If you want to keep that shred of 'self respect', delete and block his number, stop sitting around waiting for him to text and lastly whenever he pops into your head, you just remind yourself about his poor partner (who no doubt feels like s* after recently giving birth) and his innocent newborn baby.

Lastly, let's just hope karma doesn't bite you on the a* when you have a child.

Offred · 04/08/2015 15:27

Tbh I'm just gonna wait for this one to go poof as in the last two threads I've been one of the more supportive posters but there's only so much you can do before you feel utterly taken the piss out of by someone who started the thread trying to manipulate people who give support with a name change and a deliberately ommissive OP.

Let the 'you're evil doing that to another woman' post continue... Hmm

Offred · 04/08/2015 15:33

It's this I'm thinking of btw "No trolling, misleading or deliberately inflammatory behaviour".

Stormtreader · 04/08/2015 16:45

This all just reminds me of my diet - I'm a master at solemnly deciding that my diet starts now....as I'm slumped on the sofa digesting a huge dinner. Its easy to decide to never do the Bad Thing again when you're still basking in the glow of having just done the Bad Thing you wanted to do.

Has his mum maybe said "I don't want to know what's going on" because she's heard enough of this saga from you, and you post here to get the attention fix shes not giving you any more?

If he didn't want to live with his GF then he....wouldn't. If he didn't want to have kids, he'd use a condom. If he didn't want you to be the Other Woman, he wouldn't have slept with you. His actions tell you what he actually wants to do, because thats what hes doing.

TiredOfPeople · 04/08/2015 16:45

Are you SURE you're "28" and he was, what did yo usay, "31"? You both sound like two 16 year olds, to be honest...

FenellaFellorick · 04/08/2015 17:23

The thing to remember, op, is that feelings and actions are two different things.

It is not always possible to decide your feelings - rarely if ever possible, actually, but it IS possible to decide your actions.

You make choices. This is what I was saying to you on your other thread. You didn't accept it then and I don't expect you will accept it now but you are in charge of your choices and you need to take responsibility for them.

What you feel is one thing, what you choose to do is quite another. Nobody outside of a crappy mills & boon novel is the helpless victim of their loins. In real life, people make choices.

You can decide to proceed and try your best to make this sack of shit choose you, abandon his partner (tbh, she'd have a lucky escape if he did. Sad that she didn't get it before she got pregnant because now she's got a lifelong tie to the bastard) and baby and shack up with you - then you'd be stuck with him and we can all pretty much know what life you'd have. But you wouldn't see it or accept it for another ten years.

Then you'd be older and wiser and it'd be too late because you'd be tied to him too, but you'd look back at 28 yr old you and you'd go why didn't I listen...

But that's your choice.

I feel very very sorry for his partner, because she is the innocent party in this and she is being crapped all over and she doesn't deserve it.

I'm sure you see this as some great romance, where you're star crossed lovers destined to be together. In shitty-chic-lit world, she'd be a shrew of a woman who never loved him despite him being the most honourable of men and eventually she'd run off with the milkman leaving you and him to raise the child and it'd be really romantic - difficult at first but you'd triumph against all odds and be a family...

In reality, he shagged you because you let him and then went back to his partner and baby and his real life and that's where he'll stay, sniffing around you when his partner is tired seeing to their infant child and not attentive enough to his poor little needs, to see if you'll lay down for him again.

He used your body because you presented it to him and he's a shit.

I really hope that you learn from it before it's too late.

Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 17:40

I have just blocked his number.
Saturday night I'm going on a date with someone,start moving on.

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 04/08/2015 17:41

Well done.

Give yourself a new start, don't contact that loser and get yourself on track and happy.

Please don't forget that STI test btw.

Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 17:43

His single too ( just before someone asked )
Won't be sleeping with this guy either.
Yeah I will get a test just to be on the safe side.

OP posts:
FanOfHermione · 04/08/2015 17:44

Excellent confused!!

Enjoy your Saturday night and don't try and contact him again. As you aid in your title, he used you. Let it be that only time when he did so.

FenellaFellorick · 04/08/2015 17:45

That's fantastic.

I hope you have a lovely time.

Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 17:49

Thankyou I hope so too.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 04/08/2015 17:53

I'm glad. Don't look back and take it slow moving forwards as far as this new guy is concerned.

Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 18:21

Yeah deffo very very slow.

OP posts:
financialwizard · 04/08/2015 18:21

Confused not being funny but make sure you get an STI check over too. My ex had been sleeping around and I got checked just to be safe. You don't know for sure it isn't just you he has been dipping into.

Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 18:30

Yeah I'm going to go.
Il be honest the thought of going makes me mortified but I guess it's best to be safe than sorry.

OP posts:
LoisPuddingLane · 04/08/2015 18:42

It's not half as bad as you think. Go to a clinic where they deal with it all the time - everyone there is there for the same reason so it's fine.

VixxFace · 04/08/2015 18:44

Did you go clinic before you slept with him? Do you even know if you have something and have now passed it on to him and his girl?

Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 18:47

I've only had 2 sexual partners previously and after my last boyfriend I had a check and I was fine.

OP posts:
LoisPuddingLane · 04/08/2015 18:53

That was before shitdick. He could have been anywhere.