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Original poster

He used me for sex :-( feel so sad

255 replies

Confused2015xxx · 03/08/2015 16:32

A man persued my for years .
Charming and I was really attracted to him .
We text all the time and got on well .
Two weeks ago he came to mine and we had some drinks .We got on so well and really clicked .
I was just finishing my period and wasn't planning on having sex but he convinced me .
Anyway since he's hardly gave me the time of day .
He sent me a few messages but doesn't seem bothered about having a convo with me .
He told me he he loved me and stupidly I believed him .
We have known each other years .
I text Him 4 hours ago and no reply .
What did I do wrong ?
I feel really sad :-(
I'm not normally this stupid and niaeve but I hand on heart thought it was genuine .

OP posts:
freddyfucktard · 04/08/2015 00:26

I remember reading the other post that people have mentioned and feeling angry at how selfish you could be. I was the one cheated on in a previous relationship, the day after i had given birth! And when i found out 3 weeks later i was heart broken and physically sick! The woman knew all about me and ds aswel at the time which for me made it worse! Luckily i saw the light and chucked his lying, cheating, abusive (physically and mentally) arse to the curb! I feel so sorry for his gf! She deserves so much better! Shame on you! Angry

Offred · 04/08/2015 00:26

The danger of being vulnerable and not doing anything about it is getting embroiled in all kinds of bad things. OP - you can change it but if you choose not to you can't expect to keep feeling sad about the obvious and avoidable outcomes of allowing yourself to become complicit in his bad behaviour.

handfulofcottonbuds · 04/08/2015 00:27

Offred - so many posts and updates, vulnerable or wallowing in the attention?

Genuine question, this is the first thread I've read.

Offred · 04/08/2015 00:29

I think both TBH. People who are really vulnerable often do wallow like this and resist change, they can get attached to and dependent on feeling bad IMO/E.

Offred · 04/08/2015 00:31

Doesn't mean they don't need help and support (not necessarily uncritical) it often means they need it even more because they can become abusive and cruel themselves without it - which is already happening with the OP's lack of concern for the GF and baby.

handfulofcottonbuds · 04/08/2015 00:32

Thanks Offred

I feel OP would do the same in an instant if he asked. I can't be bothered with it anymore. She won't listen.

notrocketscience · 04/08/2015 00:34

Maybe there has been some progress. At least she has finally realised what we were all telling her. He was using her.

Offred · 04/08/2015 00:36

Most likely yes.

And it will come out.

And he will play it as her being a temptress and him the noble man who was in turmoil and trying to do the right thing.

And everything will be one big unnecessary mess for everyone, even more than now.

LavenderLeigh · 04/08/2015 05:59

Of course it is unnecessary and totally avoidable.
OP has a history of wanting this guy and of totally denying her part in the sorry affair. And of ignoring everything to get what she wants, ie this man. Well, she had him for one whole night and two shags.
Vulnerability is no reason or excuse for her knowing actions.
The truly vulnerable ones here are the mother and baby.
OP had a choice. They did not.

LoisPuddingLane · 04/08/2015 08:25

I think advice to this poster started out kind and practical and all that shit but as it became clear she was on course like a missile to ignore it all and fuck the guy, people became less patient. And now she's mithering about him using her for sex. LIKE DUHHH.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/08/2015 10:43

The I feel so sad ;( statement is what got my goat.
Not as sad as his wife will feel if she was to find out

Offred · 04/08/2015 10:51

I know but she probably thought she'd not be connected with her old username...

I'm sure she does feel really sad and it is a horrible way to be treated if you look at it in isolation but if you look at the whole picture it is easy to see that she could have total control over this, she's just choosing not to.

It doesn't compare to other situations where the person being used was just simply manipulated with no opportunity to understand that was what was going on.

Offred · 04/08/2015 10:51

Like is perhaps happening with his GF...

MereKaffe · 04/08/2015 11:00

I'm not surprised the OP didn't come back.

She's in pain. Feeling used is a horrible feeling. I've experienced it. I think sometimes you feel even more used if it was somebody who is a friend of a friend, you believe that they won't just use you, so there is betrayal and feelings of foolishness on top of the horrible feeling of being used.

Some posters on this thread went over board berating the OP imo.

DoorToTheRiver · 04/08/2015 11:10

I remember the previous thread but didn't see the first one and didn't realise OP had name changed for this one.

You ask what you did wrong, well you fell for a bastard. Therefore not too surprising he's treated you like shit. If he can be a bastard to his girlfriend and mother of his child then he certainly will be to you.

You might think it's different with you but it isn't. He is not a decent bloke. No decent bloke fucks another woman when he has a girlfriend with a young baby.

Be thankful he seems to have got what he wanted and so has fucked off. This man will bring nothing but hurt to any woman he is involved with.

Original poster
Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 11:27

He ended up texting me back and I didn't reply.
I guess that's one step of taking some control back.
It wasn't even about sex,it was believing he actually did have genuine feelings for me.
The guys mum rang me and told me not to trust him and don't let him drag him to that level.
That's coming from his own mother.
My best friend said he can be a nasty person or the nicest person in the world.

OP posts:
Original poster
Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 11:27

Drag you not him.

OP posts:
Offred · 04/08/2015 11:30

Yeah, we know that's what you thought about him but it was clear to all of us, even back as far as your first thread in March, that for him it was about sex.

DoorToTheRiver · 04/08/2015 11:30

Well done on not replying, keep it that way. You can do better than him.

He's nice when he wants something because he's a user who puts himself first always.

Original poster
Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 11:30

I'm quite close to his mum with being friends with her daughter.
We have had lots of good chats and she's a lovely woman.
I know he is a player,I believed everything he said,it seemed so real.

OP posts:
Offred · 04/08/2015 11:30

And power and control.

Original poster
Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 11:31

It made no sense because he was obviously sleeping with the gf so he had no need to chase me.
I guess it's just greed

OP posts:
Original poster
Confused2015xxx · 04/08/2015 11:33

I guess you can convince yourself to believe whatever it is you want to believe.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 04/08/2015 11:33

I'm sure his GF and baby had reason to think that he thought enough of them not to go dipping his dick in you.

you both have not morals and it's a shame he doesn't leave them to find somebody nice and you can then have him for him to do the same to you.

Psycobabble · 04/08/2015 11:34

His gf is your friend ? Nice !!

I'm so glad I aren't friends with people who act like this !