Horrendous situation, please help

[spaghettihead5]

In recent months and weeks I've realised for definite H is very active during the night, then that he has an ow (he denies it). I gave him divorce petition on Mon.
In the last week I've realised that whereas I thought he was going out in the middle of the night for liaisons, in fact someone unknown to me is coming in to our family home, possibly with their own key. I've heard sexual activity downstairs in the sitting room and in two of the upstairs bedrooms while my children & I sleep in adjoining rooms. OMG. I'm frightened how he would react if I confronted him while DTD but I can hear a woman climax, humping, blow jobs etc almost every night if the past week.
I've talked to a solicitor about urgent next steps, the risk to the children.
I want to make sure that when custody of the children is discussed he will be unable to have them overnight. Can't believe this is happening.
What else do I need to get in place to protect the children and I before I confront him? How to confront him?Do I need evidence apart from my witness testimony on what I've heard because H will say it's such an improbable, outrageous suggestion I have imagined it and maybe I should get my mental health checked out.

Get some kind of help: a) For being so weird that you get off on making up stage stories on the internet
b) For your mental delusions/ schizophrenia
Or c) For your disturbing marriage situation
But either way, get help.

This is one of the most bizarre things I have ever read, you would hope it is made up, but then you worry for the person made up or not, will be interesting to see how this runs out.....

Agree completely with Gilbert's post. I don't think this is really happening, OP, not in real life. I think you should talk to a doctor ASAP.

Anyone suspecting this kind of situation would be well advised to tackle it straight out rather than writing, with some gratuitous detail, a live running commentary on MN surely.

Why don't you go downstairs and wait for them to run naked outside. Then collect up their clothes as evidence, bolt the back door and go back up to bed happy in the knowledge that your H and OW are locked out on a cold summer's night with no clothes, keys or dignity?

Are they ninjas? Because they seem awfully fast at teleporting out of the house from even the slightest noise...

It's not that warm out, they'd be going out butt-naked into the night...leave them out there, stay downstairs...I don't understand why you're not doing this? There's no way your husband will be able to excuse his way back into the house in the moring no?

Did you catch them

Are you sure your dh is not sleep walking? My dh has been known to come downstairs in the middle of the night, turn the tv on and off over and over again, then gone outside and I have found him asleep in the garden chair when I have gone downstairs to investigate. I am surprised you have not investigated where exactly your H has gone. When you thought they had legged it out the back door didn't you search the house for your H to find out where exactly he wasn't and then if you found he was not in the house asked him when he returned where exactly he had been.

Where are their clothes when they have supposed to have sprinted butt naked out of the house? Whats to stop you not actually going to bed one night and staying in the living room?

Your expectations with regard to evidence and divorce are very unrealistic OP I'm afraid.

The starting point for a divorce is a 50:50 split of the marital assets.

The question of 'fault' or 'blame' is really not part of a divorce these days. So 'evidence' is not important. You just give 3 instances of 'unreasonable' behaviour in the last 6 months (these can be made up if you want, it's irrelevant) then complete a court form to start a divorce, with a copy of the form being sent to your spouse. That's it.

Separately you each disclose your financial assets and agree a fair split. If you can't agree you can go to court and pay a judge to decide (costing prob about £5k).

Custody/access/contact are usually decided via mediation.

Where will you live when you've divorced? I'd suggest whatever the answer to that question, you rent somewhere for you and DC now.

If your husband is really 'display' shagging to get at you, he is very angry and I don't think you should live with him let alone go on holiday

Yy to whatifidid! OP, I think you are misunderstanding the role of a divorce hearing- its role is to decide an equitable split of assets not to assign moral judgements. As I have already said, this evidence collection, if for any other reason than to prove to you what you already know, is pointless.

If he's doing it in the daughter's room, erm, where is the daughter???

Eh?

And if he's sleeping less than two hours a night, is he on drugs?

OP, assuming you are genuine, which came first - your daughter sleeping in with you or your husband leaving the room/being in another room at night? If your daughter sleeping in with you (is she in your bed?Sounded like it) is it not possible that he is getting tired and uncomfortable, knowing that you can't have 'relations' and is sneaking out to either get some sleep or 'please' himself because it's the only thing he can do?

Why IS your daughter in with you?

I know it's kind of passed now but you go downstairs, they stop shagging, run naked into trees and fields. You get a glass of water, bolt the doors, go back upstairs to sleep.

Job done.

When they're nekkid in the fields, call the police and say you saw a prowler, could they check it out; man looked quite wild, wide eyed with hair all sticking up.

This thread is all kinds of mad and bollox.

Nanny, I do not want to think that you are making things up but may be he is not shagging anyone in the room but winding you up with the porn? Has he ever played mental games/tricks on you to make you believe in something? Mental manipulation? The reason he might be doing it is to make you believe there is someone downstairs, to "press" all the buttons so you could look insane. Then you would go the mental unit.
I guess many people think he is playing porn and not having a real shag is because that would be exausting for the madam to come over here late night and then go back home. You cannot sustain many hours without a good sleep and here it looks as all nights are spent on sex (also someone was right asking about the toilet using unless she does it in a nappy/ or a jar).

I would by the camera today and not wait till the next week. One thing is that he also might have put a hidden camera somewhere to see what you are up to.
If you think that the floor is rather noisy then while he is away step on it in different places and put tiny marks on it where it does not squeak.
Alternatively you could sleep with your daughter in her room. While he is at work just think of something/practice.
I do really think that he is playing with your mind.

Nanny, I do also believe you can hear the noise from downstairs. I used to leave above the kitchen in my student days and the sound coming from downstairs was horrendous just from two people talking. I then moved the rooms.

absolsutely agree,
go downstairs
when they run out, bolt all the doors,
in future dont go to bed at night, follow him round

Nanny, may I also ask if you take any medicine (a history of depression)? My DS used to take antidepressants because of stress at work and because of her x-partner infidelity etc. During the separation her partner made claims she was mentally ill and he did wanted to have the sole custody of their child. Her x-partner also played the mind tricks making my DS believe she was not right in her head. Luckily the court did not take his claims on board but it cost my DS a lot of money (lawyer's fees). He also is a charmer, a very good-looking man but it did not help him.
I have also read that there are synthetic stimulants which if added to food can cause all sorts of things including delusions and agitation, hallucinations, extreme paranoia. I am not insinuation anything but as you have mentioned he is calculative, despicable to name but a few and it looks as you are afraid of him. Just a thought but I would be cautious of what I eat when he is at home (spiked drinks, spiked food). What can happen that he plays porn and you hear it in a more vivid imagination and in the meantime he is perfectly sleeping.

Please go and buy the camera.

PrivatePike, may be it was extreeme to say (sorry Nanny) from my side but you do not know what some partners are capable off.

I think he is playing the games with OP. Not sure someone would do regular whole night shagging. I hope OP finds out soon.

I really am flummoxed!
I'd go down and if they run out of the back door, I'd lock it behind them. Preferably she will have left her handbag behind and maybe her knickers (or do women like this not wear them?!)

OP if you genuinely believe what you are telling us, you need to see your GP. I'm saying that kindly. It is very odd behaviour to think this is happening under your nose and not even go and check.

However, this sounds like the plot of a really bad novel in which case, please liven it up with some zombies, or an alien invasion.

.