Horrendous situation, please help

[spaghettihead5]

In recent months and weeks I've realised for definite H is very active during the night, then that he has an ow (he denies it). I gave him divorce petition on Mon.
In the last week I've realised that whereas I thought he was going out in the middle of the night for liaisons, in fact someone unknown to me is coming in to our family home, possibly with their own key. I've heard sexual activity downstairs in the sitting room and in two of the upstairs bedrooms while my children & I sleep in adjoining rooms. OMG. I'm frightened how he would react if I confronted him while DTD but I can hear a woman climax, humping, blow jobs etc almost every night if the past week.
I've talked to a solicitor about urgent next steps, the risk to the children.
I want to make sure that when custody of the children is discussed he will be unable to have them overnight. Can't believe this is happening.
What else do I need to get in place to protect the children and I before I confront him? How to confront him?Do I need evidence apart from my witness testimony on what I've heard because H will say it's such an improbable, outrageous suggestion I have imagined it and maybe I should get my mental health checked out.

I'm totally not convinced. But am worried about the op. Either she is in a horrendous situation. Or she has imagined there being one and as such might cause harm to herself or others.

Op please speak to a gp.

If there is something going on with your husband at the very least the go could refer you to some sort of counsellor (or at least I think they would...)

I am a bit worried about this thread. I honestly don't know whether it's real or not. There are three possibilities:

1. The OP is making this all up maliciously
2. This is all in the OP's head but she seriously believes it
3. The OP is telling the truth and this is really happening. (Not everyone always confronts things!).

Now here's what worries me. While elements of the story do seem very odd, the OP has stated that her husband also tries to call her mentally ill or delusional as a way of invalidating her voice. Now, her DH may be genuinely concerned, or he may be gaslighting her.

We have no way of knowing which is the case.

If we admit that number 3 above is a possibility, then it could be potentially extremely unhelpful to suggest that she is most definitely delusional and needs to speak to a mental health professional, because there is potentially a very toxic dynamic already in play with her DH on this issue that we could be confirming. On the other hand, there are things here that don't add up and number 2 would be an explanation for that.

I don't really know what to do with this thread. It concerns me on many levels. I like to treat posters like they're telling the truth, not because I'm naive and failing in my cynicism, but because I know that being disbelieved can be a terrible experience. But there's so much here that seems odd, I confess I'm confused.

shame because it's on public record

What do you mean by shame?? This is 2015 not 1915

H even lied to the police, denying ow

So what was that incident, did police manage to prove he was lying? or was there no evidence?

I have not been following this thread because when I read the OP the writing style was very similar to a recently deleted thread about a husband having an affair (the wedding dress one) and I assumed this would go the same was as that. It actually seemed to be imitating that thread as the shocking information was rushed out and not drip-fed as previously.

I assume MNHQ have looked into this one?

We can really only advise the OP to seek professional help in any event.

Great post shovetheholly, nicely sums up how I feel about the thread too.

shove I suggested she sees her GP as that would help her in scenarios 2 & 3, not necessarily because I don't believe her.

Her reactions to the events don't seem the reactions of someone who is secure & confident, they seem 'off' maybe because she's trapped in a very unhealthy situation or maybe because she's temporarily lost the ability to work things through in rational way.

Either way I think the input of a real life professional could help, as locked in her own world of pointlessly trying to gather evidence for a reckoning that will not happen, and a moral judgement that ends with a father not seeing his kids etc. well, it's not helping her in either situation.

I guess it's one of those times when I'd prefer this thread was made up for fun, as the alternatives are just too miserable to contemplate.

shove you speak sense.

Mnhq have looked and but chosen not to suspend the thread. the op is apparently not new here.
I don't know what to say re. advising but I think in this case, for the reasons shove gives, troll hunting seems particularly not on. Report if you don't believe it.

Mika, I hope for your sake and that of the OP that she is not ill,either already was and delusional or has become so due to current torture. Because if she is what you have just said about things possibly being put in her food and drink could make her 100 x blinking worse!!! Well done.

Just to clarify: I don't mean to suggest that anyone is suggesting that she is delusional for malicious reasons! I think those posters who have raised that possibility are doing so out of very caring motives. I just worry that we cannot really resolve the issues enough on an internet forum to come to any proper conclusion and that makes writing an adequate and caring response very difficult

I agree shove The sad part though is if she isn't dellusional (and I hope to heck she isn't given what Mika has said regarding things being put in her food and drink to make her so), then if she doesn't do something soon she'll likely make herself ill anyway, if she hasn't already :(

I would definitely use a nannycam. Fuck harassment, it's common sense! You might need a solicitor who's dealt with ragingly arrogant nutcases before, this one doesn't sound aggressive enough.

.

I think the op should see he GP. If this is for real it is making her ill and if not she needs some help. ether way she needs some support.

XH2 used to do spectacularly awful things in plain sight. Not only to me, either - he was always getting away with stuff because nobody believes someone would do that. Nobody believed me, either, and it very quickly got to a point where I didn't believe myself. It's a ghastly feeling.

I can't see what a GP could do. Best thing is to get hard evidence, and check it clearly. Believe yourself before you doubt yourself!

It does seem a bit odd but I have a friend who's xh has done some unbelievable things in order to gaslight them. And it worked for a long time as they, and others around them, began to doubt their mind. Get the camera OP. At the very least you will then know for sure.

Whatever the ins and outs of this situation are, some of the things being said on this thread are not going to help in either the scenario where the OP is right, or in the scenario where her perception of what is going on isn't what is actually happening.

Suggesting that the OPs DH may be filming her or drugging her is particularly unhelpful, especially if it is that the OP is unwell. Sticking to the facts as related by the OP will at least avoid making things worse.

The facts as presented are that the DH has managed to find a woman willing to come into his house while his family are all there, not talk at all during the time she is there, and engage in marathon 5-6 hour sex sessions before leaving quietly. Not only that, but this same woman is prepared to travel hundreds of miles to where the family are on holiday and do exactly the same thing before scurrying off into the night. People may do strange things and be capable of much, but this is certainly a challenging scenario.

I have been in a place where what I believe to be absolute fact hasn't actually been the case as my perceptions have been distorted. The worse thing someone could've done at that point was feed more worries into what I believed. It's concerning to watch that play out here.

It might not be an OW. It could be different ones or sex workers. Or the OW might be as weird as him. Believe yourself first, nanny, and get verifiable facts. Then you'll know what you're dealing with.

I have to admit I keep waffling one way and then the other with this thread. I just can't decide if the OP is a troll, delusional, or trapped in an awful situation.

OP, either way, please see your GP. If you are truly being treated this way, or if you are suffering from an emotional breakdown, you will need support to deal with it and starting with your GP is the best way. If nothing else, your GP will be able to give you a 'clean bill of health' if your DH begins making allegations of mental illness against you.

Yes she need RL support a RL perspective / view on this
..GP good starting Has she mentioned relatives or friends . Bit odd if she hasn't surely .

Mind you embarrassed / isolated / bullied by husband for years perhaps ?????