Horrendous situation, please help

[spaghettihead5]

In recent months and weeks I've realised for definite H is very active during the night, then that he has an ow (he denies it). I gave him divorce petition on Mon.
In the last week I've realised that whereas I thought he was going out in the middle of the night for liaisons, in fact someone unknown to me is coming in to our family home, possibly with their own key. I've heard sexual activity downstairs in the sitting room and in two of the upstairs bedrooms while my children & I sleep in adjoining rooms. OMG. I'm frightened how he would react if I confronted him while DTD but I can hear a woman climax, humping, blow jobs etc almost every night if the past week.
I've talked to a solicitor about urgent next steps, the risk to the children.
I want to make sure that when custody of the children is discussed he will be unable to have them overnight. Can't believe this is happening.
What else do I need to get in place to protect the children and I before I confront him? How to confront him?Do I need evidence apart from my witness testimony on what I've heard because H will say it's such an improbable, outrageous suggestion I have imagined it and maybe I should get my mental health checked out.

I'm concerned for my mental health too. When I get this amoral lowlife out of our home I know I will instantly start to feel better. We are joint owners. He won't move out voluntarily so slow legal processes have to be followed. I've been told this kind of situation will be dealt with much faster.

Please buy a camera and film downstairs, just get it over and done with.

It really won't though. It will come under unreasonable behaviour. He's not breaking the law as disgusting as this is. If he is going to challenge the divorce he will, no video evidence will help.

Bloody go downstairs woman

Ah school holidays

I should qualify what I said there. Presumably you will sue for divorce on the basis of adultery as his unreasonable behaviour. To affect the settlement you would have to PROVE his behaviour was "gross and obvious" which would require evidence. Camera evidence whilst not illegal is likely to be inadmissible in court and therefore it will be your word against his if he challenges the divorce.

Just save your sanity and remove yourself from this situation now. You need to know what's going on so he isn't around you or so you can access help.

Have you told anyone irl about this? A friend, someone you trust? I'm sorry to say that posting here can only help so much, but having somebody irl who can help practically is what you need.

bestguess I'll be seeking Non Molestation and Occupation Orders.
I'll have a much better chance of catching them in the act at home when they are having sex in DD's bedroom, next to mine. DD is sharing with me at night.

Her bedroom is really pretty but it feels like he's contaminating it with his seedy life he's kept hidden from me.

You might want to get a second legal opinion on that. Both are reserved for abusers. Your DH's behaviour whilst entirely unreasonable is unlikely to be classified as abuse. I have significant experience in the area and don't want to out myself too much. You need a second opinion. I genuinely fear you are enduring this in vain.

Yes I'm getting help irl thanks.
I could barely believe he and she would shag in a child's bedroom. They are despicable in my eyes.
H is so cunning I'm worried he will deny it and people (a judge, his family) will believe him. He lies all the time.

When a lawyer/judge asks you how long you knew about this and you say weeks/months etc it won't reflect well on you. End this sooner rather than later and please get a second legal opinion. I cannot see how anyone could advise you to sit this out.

bestguess The authorities have us noted as a domestic emotional abuse household.

Then you don't need more...

Catch it on video ..then share with us all ...
If you don't mind ....

I've kinda got a picture in my head but I wanna see it for real .....

Statements from you will carry the same weight as the proof you are trying to obtain. Other evidence needs to be independent from police, hospitals etc. I am seriously worrying about the advice you are being given.

Now you drop that 'they' use your daughters bedroom at home? And have to mention 'it's really pretty but they are sullying it's ?! What does the prettiness of the room have to do with it? It should be the fact it's your daughters room,nothing else.

Does your daughter always sleep with you? Where is your husband meant to be sleeping?

Sorry,but this is either a wind up, you need psychological/psychiatric help, or you will need that help if you don't go and see what is going on and sort it!

If you really want to do it your way and resolve this, Maplin sell covert surveillance equipment. Just find one near you and go to get it tomorrow. Showing it happened on holiday and at home would show a pattern of behaviour at least. I have no idea why you would keep stalling in this situation. You have so many ways out but seem unwilling to take any.

Ok. I'm savouring the idea of texting his mother tomorrow to ask her to tell him to stop this. However he's her son and I doubt she'll believe me. He will have already fed her lies about me.
He's really stitched me up.

Thanks for the advice bestguess. I might have lots of ways out of this but I want to choose the right one with maximum repercussions, I am so disgusted and angry with them for doing this to the children and I.

What do you gain by continuing this? If he is abusive you can get your non mol order and as his children will be in the house an occ order shouldn't be difficult.

What are the maximum repercussions you are seeking?