Horrendous situation, please help

[spaghettihead5]

In recent months and weeks I've realised for definite H is very active during the night, then that he has an ow (he denies it). I gave him divorce petition on Mon.
In the last week I've realised that whereas I thought he was going out in the middle of the night for liaisons, in fact someone unknown to me is coming in to our family home, possibly with their own key. I've heard sexual activity downstairs in the sitting room and in two of the upstairs bedrooms while my children & I sleep in adjoining rooms. OMG. I'm frightened how he would react if I confronted him while DTD but I can hear a woman climax, humping, blow jobs etc almost every night if the past week.
I've talked to a solicitor about urgent next steps, the risk to the children.
I want to make sure that when custody of the children is discussed he will be unable to have them overnight. Can't believe this is happening.
What else do I need to get in place to protect the children and I before I confront him? How to confront him?Do I need evidence apart from my witness testimony on what I've heard because H will say it's such an improbable, outrageous suggestion I have imagined it and maybe I should get my mental health checked out.

Lol achieve that would be brilliant

Achieve ....ha ha ha ha ..
Op does need to find some confidence from somewhere. .hope this is helping

If you have a car/burglar/smoke alarm, could you not set one of these off...not sure what that might achieve, though?

OP, what an awful situation. Bite the bullet or your 'd'h.

Thank you for the supportive replies. It helps to know others have experienced the same. Solicitor said cameras in the rooms could be viewed as harassment.
I haven't stormed in because I am afraid of his reaction & afraid of a big, noisy scene which would wake the children and traumatise them.
H has been trying to take me apart psychologically. Believe me it has taken many years for me to wise up to the awful truth too.

Hm

Thanks thread is bonkers. OP it perfectly legal to have cameras in your own house ffs! Your solicitor is wrong. If he even said that anyway.

This not thanks

OP - do you really think your husband would cause a big noisy scene?

Could you not stay awake and go outside before the person comes in?

I'm not sure how you get to sleep under these circumstances anyway.

btw how do you "hear" a blow job?

I also say nanny cam catch him at it more ammo for divorce!!!

Solicitor said cameras in the rooms could be viewed as harassment.

If he has moved into a separate bedroom then yes a camera in there would be harassment, however the lounge being a "public" shared area would not.

pocket even if he was in a separate bedroom the house is still OPs legal residence, she'd be perfectly legally entitled to put cameras anywhere in her own house should she wish to.

pinky I'd disagree. I'd say putting a camera in the separate bedroom of an adult living in the same household would be intrusive and possibly illegal. If OP and her DH are, in essence, living separately in the same household and have an agreement that this is 'your room' and this is 'my rom' it would be similar to putting a camera in a tenant's room if you were renting out rooms. However, I'd say putting a camera in a public room (kitchen, living, dining) would not be illegal.

OP, exactly what are you afraid of? Will he become violent? If you don't want the children to witness a 'scene', then make arrangements for them to be gone overnight and confront him if he brings this woman in. Or snap a quiet, incriminating picture and confront him with it when the children aren't there.

But if he's doing it to gaslight you or to provoke you into leaving, he'll most likely deny it's happening or just look at you and say 'so what?'. What will you do then? Frankly, I'd go for taking a few clandestine pictures and then show them to my solicitor and asking what the best thing to do to get him out of the house would be.

Invite your mil to stay last minute with no advance warning to your vile husband. If not mil another relative or family friend. Then go downstairs with her to investigate the strange noises.

You will humiliate the arsehole that your husband is and have support/backup with any immediate fall out.

Cameras in your own home are definitely legal. You shouldn't put them in bedrooms or bathrooms but elsewhere is fine. If you're still bothered a video baby monitor could be there for very legitimate reasons...

If you have served divorce papers then what's the problem with him seeing someone else?

Of course it is rude and obnoxious for him to have loud sex in the living room while you and the DC are upstairs but you already know he's obnoxious, that's why you are divorcing him.

I'd start messing back at him. Tell him you'd like a rota for the living room. You'd like to shag your new bloke in there on Tuesdays and Thursdays 1am - 3am.

Yeah its loud sex for a reason ..he wants you to know / be hurt / humiliated/ intimidated (which you are ) get a broomstick and go and wack there arse's out of your house .

Or like others have said get the police round..... that's what I would do ...They wouldn't mind a jot ...I'm sure

Stand up for yourself ....shout scream ...light a burning torch wave it around ...for heaven sake stop putting up with this shit .

Find that red burning rage that we all have inside us ..put it to good use

Make your children proud

sensiblesometimes ...... Or rarely?

I mean loud blow jobs ...that's just plain provocation/ showing off

A bucket of water would humiliate both of them! Best if in the presence of someone you invite to stay overnight....

I've heard that being done in the past.

Is this for real? I can't believe something like this would happen!

I don't know if this situation is true but I know in real life of similar. Just because you've been lucky enough not to encounter it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I can certainly believe that a frightened, abused woman might not confront such a situation.