Moral dilemma - do I go to a concert with my ex from years ago or not?

[SirChenjin]

Need the advice of you wise MNetters (well, MNetters ) as DH and I are going round in circles with this one.

Backstory - ex and I went out for about a year and a half, 25 years ago. He dumped me, but I was going out with someone else within a month so hardly heartbroken! We're in the same field, bump into each other occasionally at work things, met up once for coffee (he bought along the family holiday photos to show me) and as a result are now friends on FB. We PM each other, very boring stuff - work, family, kids, stories about people on our course etc. We both like a particular singer/songwriter who is now touring for the first time in ages, and who is, according to DH "dirgy".

Ex (I say ex, it was so long ago he's more just a friend from way back, iykwim?) asked me if I fancied going to see the singer, I said yes (no-one else I know likes him - they haven't even heard of him) and said to DH. DH was not happy at all, although he has now come around and said I should go - but I know he's putting a brave face on it, which means that I don't want to go. He now feels bad because I've got no-one to go with - I suggested he comes with me, but he's said he really isn't interested, the practicalities of us both getting to the mid week concert/childcare are a PITA, and is glad I've got someone to go with (only he's not glad - 20 years of marriage means I know him pretty well..!)

So, what would you do. Go/not go?

A riff and a cruel curl of the lip? < drools > Can I come too? I'll bring my own condoms. Or shall we ditch them and vie try for impregnation in the interval?

yawn at your yawn sensible

Bit - you sound very sensible, but did you feel any discomfort at all?

And to look at it logically, you'll both feel bad if you don't go. If you do go, he gets to feel magnanimous, and you get to see a gig- win/win.

He knows you've been happy to say no to respect his feelings.

goddess - you are more than welcome to join me. Bagsy I have first dibs in the interval though (what with my questionable morals and all)

I'm in the I'd go camp, but then I would be ok if the situation was reversed. I'd be more concerned with a new interest tbh. Ex's are ex for a reason and I have never wanted to go back to an ex. In fact, I'd assess them as safer than anyone to hang around with for that reason. I did however feel a bit funny once about being told by BF, after the event, that he went for a nice walk with someone .This involves lots of alone time, one one one chatting, not like being at a gig full of people. As you are in a very public place, I say go, but only as you say you are not remotely interested or flattered by him.

Op how would you feel if the situ was reversed? Would you be happy for your dh to go?

mother - in the unlikely event (as I thought this would be, I have to say) would you genuinely just ignore him and go?

Bit - I am liking your logic there

After you, SirC... your questionable morals and racy past trumps my sheltered life as a groupie

Soozey - it's really hard to say tbh. I am much more outgoing than him and have a fairly wide of circle of friends that I keep in touch with/see when I can. He is much quieter, has moved around a lot since University and really only has a couple of friends who are my friends' husbands. It does worry me from time to time, but he's a bit of a homebird and happy that way. If he started taking up with his ex GFs it would be very different - he's not remained in contact with any of them and has nothing in common in terms of work etc.

Cheers goddess - interval drinks are on me!

Round and round in circles we go

Watch you don't get dizzy now.

I think I probably would, yes. Because he would be throwing an unreasonable hissy-fit. Bear in mind I don't tell him whom he can see, and I don't expect him to go to things with me that he doesn't enjoy. Also, he'd know he was being unreasonable. I've been to stay with friends where, as it turned out, my ex was also staying and DP couldn't exactly start flexing the chest-wig about that.

But I'm quite aware that by mainstream MN standards quite a lot of my relationship is Quite Odd. We have friends of different genders whom we email and all.

'Bout to.spin off into the garden
.
Look extra marital affairs are common
Good marriages are precious and need protecting ( spking from personal experience here ). .whether you go or not is entirely between you and hubby ...you two are what matters here ...
Nobody else on here knows you or your relationship ..

Exactly sensible

Anyway, DH is now home, there have been Words and I am in shock. I'll hide this thread now, nothing more to be said.

Thank goodness .. For good husbands

Oh dear. SirChenjin

It seems to me that Bit's the Captain Sensible around these parts and logical thinking triumphs over insularity protectionism.

Or not, as the case may be

Will.look that little lot up in the dictionary and get back to you goddess
What did Bit say ?......

Blimey, I'm practically a tribal elder .

Call me BOF, please, we're among friends

SirC, hope all is well.

Stick around BOF you might be needed

I hope all is ok SirChenjin......

Shit

All hail, BOF, conveyor of logic to the masses.

As a tribal elder you have the choice of feathered headdress, top hat, or a bone through the nose, to be worn on ceremonial occasions and I might be able to cut you a deal on Sewel's ermine