Moral dilemma - do I go to a concert with my ex from years ago or not?

[SirChenjin]

Need the advice of you wise MNetters (well, MNetters ) as DH and I are going round in circles with this one.

Backstory - ex and I went out for about a year and a half, 25 years ago. He dumped me, but I was going out with someone else within a month so hardly heartbroken! We're in the same field, bump into each other occasionally at work things, met up once for coffee (he bought along the family holiday photos to show me) and as a result are now friends on FB. We PM each other, very boring stuff - work, family, kids, stories about people on our course etc. We both like a particular singer/songwriter who is now touring for the first time in ages, and who is, according to DH "dirgy".

Ex (I say ex, it was so long ago he's more just a friend from way back, iykwim?) asked me if I fancied going to see the singer, I said yes (no-one else I know likes him - they haven't even heard of him) and said to DH. DH was not happy at all, although he has now come around and said I should go - but I know he's putting a brave face on it, which means that I don't want to go. He now feels bad because I've got no-one to go with - I suggested he comes with me, but he's said he really isn't interested, the practicalities of us both getting to the mid week concert/childcare are a PITA, and is glad I've got someone to go with (only he's not glad - 20 years of marriage means I know him pretty well..!)

So, what would you do. Go/not go?

[SirChenjin]

Joy - it's not since you last posted, DH has always said I should go.

Hmm - yes, I can fully understand how difficult it must be Mermaid. You're bound to be pregnant if you go to the concert. We'll probably conceive on the same night.

[sadwidow28]

SrAssumpta I think if you read the thread, you will see that some of us are entering into the spirit of joking with the OP.

The OP is NOT being defensive at all, she is actually enjoying the joking (I hope).

[Dilema76]

I would go. Some very insecure people on here. If hubby was that bothered he would make the effort to go with you.

[sensiblesometimes]

Yes she's making a huge joke of it all

[SrAssumpta]

^SrAssumpta I think if you read the thread, you will see that some of us are entering into the spirit of joking with the OP.^

And I'm glad you've managed to distract the OP from the issue that brought her here, genuinely, but people are just doing what she has asked and now they're being called insecure/jealous etc. That doesn't seem fair.

[sensiblesometimes]

DH is happy ..she is happy ex boyfriend is happy ....problem? ...what problem ? Why post ?

[SirChenjin]

I am hugely enjoying the joke - some of the posts have been very witty

[sadwidow28]

Then I apologise SrAssumpta.

I do think the OP should go to the concert - after all, her DH has said she should go. (The DH doesn't want to attend with her.) But DH has conflicting emotions because the friend was in a sexual relationship with the OP 20 yrs ago.

I went to Operas about 3 times a year because my DH and my DM luuuurved them. They were in raptures at the cadences! My DF and I sat together because we hated opera. I would let my DF go to sleep but nudge him if my DM commented and needed a response. £48.50 per seat and my DF slept throughout and I hated every minute! If I could have convinced my DH to take my DM on his own, I would have done!

[Hornydilemma]

But the most important question is
WHO IS THE SINGER/SONGWRITER?!

[LadyPlumpington]

I look forward to your 'OMG should I POAS?' thread op 'cos you is totes going to shag him and be pregnant by the end of the first dirge.

It is the done thing to name said offspring after the band's lead singer.

[MistressDeeCee]

Bitoutofpractice ermmm...thanks but its early evening I don't need a lie down as yet

OP I don't need to look at anybody else's post Then again Im cynical I suppose...some random ex wouldn't cause me to ponder much, not important enough really. He's just a bloke.

[sadwidow28]

SirChenjin You do know that the MN jury will need photographs of this memorable shag fest concert don't you?

[sensiblesometimes]

Re name the post ...'off to shag an ex and a shit concert don't give a damn '

[SirChenjin]

I is totes going to shag him - you knows it. Not only with there be a POAS thread, there will also be a Who's the Dad thread. It might be DH (doubtful, he's had the snip), friend who I am totally going to shag in my state of denial, or the singer who will lure me in with a riff on his guitar and a cruel curl of the lip.

[sensiblesometimes]

Oh and don't forget the bit about the 'boring' posters who said perhaps not a good idea love

[SirChenjin]

The photos will be posted on my renamed thread in honour of sensible

[TinnedAslan]

I wouldn't be comfortable with my partner privately messaging his ex on Facebook, let alone meeting up for coffee and then going out to concerts with them.

Is your ex's wife not going to the concert too? What does she think about it?...

[TinnedAslan]

Ihave to add, your husband eventually saying you should go out with your ex just sounds resigned to me. I was the same when my current partner was invited to spend Christmas with his ex and her best friend. I was uncomfortable, told him I was, but also said resignedly he should go if he wants to. He didn't in the end.

I'd love to know what your ex's wife thinks!

[SirChenjin]

I have no idea what his wife, children, brother or parents think about it - I don't tend to ask those questions of my friends.

[Pancakeflipper]

Who is it you want to see? Cos' if I like them I will escort you both, ensure you don't get pregnant and all will be happy.

[SirChenjin]

Christmas is a leetle bit different from a mid week gig lasting about 3 hours.

[sensiblesometimes]

Can't wait SirC.... yawn

[BitOfFun]

Just go. DP went to see a band I'm not interested in with his ex- she actually offered us both the tickets as her mate had dropped out, but I told him to just go with her, since they obviously both liked the music. And they were together fifteen years. He had a free night out and I read a jolly nice book in peace.

[TinnedAslan]

Sir Of course, if your husband was asked to go to a concert with his ex, and was meanwhile privately messaging her on Facebook and wasn't prepared to show you those messages, and you're comfortable with all of that, then there's your answer.

Personally, I wouldn't disrespect my own husband by going out on dates with my ex, but perhaps you have -problems in your marriage- a more open mind than me.

[motherinferior]

Coming late to the party but of course I'd go. In the unlikely event that Mr Inferior grumbled, I would politely, er, ignore him.