Moral dilemma - do I go to a concert with my ex from years ago or not?

[SirChenjin]

Need the advice of you wise MNetters (well, MNetters ) as DH and I are going round in circles with this one.

Backstory - ex and I went out for about a year and a half, 25 years ago. He dumped me, but I was going out with someone else within a month so hardly heartbroken! We're in the same field, bump into each other occasionally at work things, met up once for coffee (he bought along the family holiday photos to show me) and as a result are now friends on FB. We PM each other, very boring stuff - work, family, kids, stories about people on our course etc. We both like a particular singer/songwriter who is now touring for the first time in ages, and who is, according to DH "dirgy".

Ex (I say ex, it was so long ago he's more just a friend from way back, iykwim?) asked me if I fancied going to see the singer, I said yes (no-one else I know likes him - they haven't even heard of him) and said to DH. DH was not happy at all, although he has now come around and said I should go - but I know he's putting a brave face on it, which means that I don't want to go. He now feels bad because I've got no-one to go with - I suggested he comes with me, but he's said he really isn't interested, the practicalities of us both getting to the mid week concert/childcare are a PITA, and is glad I've got someone to go with (only he's not glad - 20 years of marriage means I know him pretty well..!)

So, what would you do. Go/not go?

[SirChenjin]

It's true goddess. Feeling each other up is the perfect antidote to the urge to gnaw your own arm off that dirgy music produces. Fact. If I'm not pregnant by the end of the night it will be a bloody miracle.

[GiantGaspingSatanicCyst]

I would go.

I am also chortling like mad at some of the 'don't go!!!????!!111!" posts on here

[Fabellini]

If it was going to make my dp feel a bit miserable on the night when I was out, then I wouldn't go. I wouldn't enjoy myself if I thought he was unhappy, even though he'd said he was fine with it.
I'd hope dp would be the same if the roles were reversed. Not because we didn't trust each other, but just because you feel what you feel, it isn't always rational, but there you are.
And, I wouldn't want it to be cast up at a later date if there was ever an argument about something else.

[Cabrinha]

There were others between him and your husband?
You slaaaaaaaaaaaaag!!!
This is why your husband can't trust you and really, do you blame him?

[fuctifino]

Go.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Don't forget to take the condoms with you - perhaps you'd better an extra packet

[Mermaid36]

I am having almost the same issue! A Male Friend in my team at work has offered me a ticket to a gig (now his girlfriend can't go) of a band I'd quite like to see...

Hubby is pulling sulky faces at me going to a gig with another bloke (when he has loads of female friends that he sees alone)...despite the fact that Male Friend and I go swimming twice a week together and DH has no issue with that, he has a girlfriend and I'm married, DH has no intention of seeing the band with me etc, etc.

I'm going to the gig btw. I explained to hubby that if I didn't go, he wouldn't be able to see his female friends either; as it works both ways.

I know that I have no intention of doing anything other than being friends with Male Friend, and if he tried anything (which he wouldn't) he'd get a black eye. I also trust DH implicitly with his female friends (who I have known for many years, some of whom are stunningly beautiful), so I don;t worry when he goes out for dinner with them etc.

It is possible to have a male friend and not try to have sex with them you know....

[DoreenLethal]

I have at least 5 ex boyfriends on facebook. If any of them were going to a gig by my favourite singer id go, and i wouldnt expext my OH to start any nonsense. He goes to Jazz/footie etc with his mates, why shouldnt i go to a gig with mine?

[goddessofsmallthings]

duh! get an extra packet.

[SirChenjin]

It's true Cabrinha. My slaggy head is hanging in shame

[chrome100]

Oh bloody hell, go!

Either he trusts you or he doesn't and like you say, he's more like an old friend than an ex.

My DP goes to visit his long-ago ex in Germany when he's over on business. She's married now, I've met her and her husband, it's doesn't even really register that they were ever together.

[Floggingmolly]

So what's the moral dilemma then, op?

[SirChenjin]

Oooh - spooky Mermaid . So why is your DH pulling sulky faces - has he managed to articulate his reasons?

goddess I'm going to raid DS1's drawer and I'm going to get 2 extra packets.

[goddessofsmallthings]

There's no dilemma as the OP's got no morals molly

[SirChenjin]

Well Molly - it seems that this moral dilemma has many facets now. What I thought was a simple "DH is a bit uncomfortable about me going to a concert with an ex even though he's putting on a brave face, should I ignore his feelings and go anyway" thing has now grown arms and legs, e.g.

1. You're a caaah and he's off looking at other women right now
2. You're in denial and about to have an affair.
3. How many condoms should I take

I had literally no idea of my level of naivety. None whatsoever.

[SirChenjin]

I actually resent that goddess

[goddessofsmallthings]

3 packets should be sufficient as you'll have to be home by midnight, OP.

[sadwidow28]

I don't understand the dilemma your DH has SirChenjin but I do respect that he has conflicting emotions.

At the end of the day, you are actually going to see a singer/song-writer that nobody else is interested in you are NOT actually going on a date. You are just two people who will accompany each other to the gig and then meet up with more like-minded, appreciative saddos admirers of this singer/song-writer.

I would go if I were you. Just make sure you tell DH about the gig, the stage-lighting, the special effects, your favourite song and NOT the witticism, sexy smell, fabulous clothes of the friend when you are telling him all about your evening

[goddessofsmallthings]

How about if I amend it to 'questionable morals' thus elevating you to the arisitocracy who make short shrift of dilemmas such as the one you find yourself in. Would that be acceptable, SirC?

[SirChenjin]

Hang on a cotton pickin' minute - I have to go home?? I thought going to a concert meant I had to sleep with him? I'm a bit old for alleyways, so I was thinking an overnighter at a hotel for our sex-crazed affair?

[SirChenjin]

sad - that made me laugh! I promise I will try and keep my feelings of admiration for my friend to myself . Obviously it will be hard, because I'm this close >< to having an affair.

goddess - yes, I will take questionable morals. I quite like the sound of that, it's rather racy.

[SrAssumpta]

OP you started the thread looking for opinions? People are giving them and you're behaving ridiculously. If there's no issue (though why start a thread?) then go and enjoy it but don't make a laugh of other posters just for doing what you asked of them!

You seem extremely defensive

[sensiblesometimes]

Pitythepoorhusband

[Mermaid36]

SirChenjin - it's partly because he works away part of the time and the gig is on a night when he is home (therefore I cannot have teh social lifes when he is back) and partly because he is a mard-arse.... I mean, we've only been together for 17 years..... possibly also as we're ttc, he maybe thinks I'm trying to get impregnated by every man I see.....

[Joysmum]

Since I last posted you said your DH has said you should go, so go.

As I said earlier, no game playing and say what you mean. If he's saying to go then go.