Need the advice of you wise MNetters (well, MNetters 
) as DH and I are going round in circles with this one.
Backstory - ex and I went out for about a year and a half, 25 years ago. He dumped me, but I was going out with someone else within a month so hardly heartbroken! We're in the same field, bump into each other occasionally at work things, met up once for coffee (he bought along the family holiday photos to show me) and as a result are now friends on FB. We PM each other, very boring stuff - work, family, kids, stories about people on our course etc. We both like a particular singer/songwriter who is now touring for the first time in ages, and who is, according to DH "dirgy".
Ex (I say ex, it was so long ago he's more just a friend from way back, iykwim?) asked me if I fancied going to see the singer, I said yes (no-one else I know likes him - they haven't even heard of him) and said to DH. DH was not happy at all, although he has now come around and said I should go - but I know he's putting a brave face on it, which means that I don't want to go. He now feels bad because I've got no-one to go with - I suggested he comes with me, but he's said he really isn't interested, the practicalities of us both getting to the mid week concert/childcare are a PITA, and is glad I've got someone to go with (only he's not glad - 20 years of marriage means I know him pretty well..!)
So, what would you do. Go/not go?
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Moral dilemma - do I go to a concert with my ex from years ago or not?
SirChenjin · 28/07/2015 14:12
Jeez, it's a midweek gig not an all night rave
Exactly what DrMorbius and ps have said.
FGS go. His dw doesn't have a problem about the pair of you going to see some obscure dirgy singer and neither does your dh now he's seen sense overcome the green-eyed monster that seems to have infiltrated a lot of the minds on this thread.
Sir Chenjin - well it didnt take me that long, I type very fast. But Id have been very surprised if you thought what I said there was right in any way. You've got denial going on. Well..you've said you aren't going now and good or you, its the right decision to make really. I know people bandy the "jealous" word around here as if every other emotion is acceptable but that particular one is not..but in your DH's case him being a bit jealous doesn't make him bad. I just didn't like to see the scorning he was getting, whilst the other man is being made to sound like Mr Reasonable.
The other guy is just an ex seeing if he can rekindle old feelings..loads like him out there. He had friends in the time (lots of) time you weren't in his life & Id say he has friends now, doesn't need to ask another man's wife to go out to a concert with him..go with his own wife, or a mate. Makes life easier all round.
Makes no difference if you're both married..nor would I say it sounds like you're after an affair anyway, doesn't sound like it to me, just a bit of wilful naiveness going on. eg being "open" with your partner about online liaision with an ex, progressing to going out with him, is the old "in plain sight" script isn't it, to shut the worried partner down.
Hope you have a nice night out with DH or another mate instead 
Oh fuck it - you last 3 are swaying me now
No, it's no someone we used to listen to now. We both like music, so occasionally on FB will post a 'have you heard this singer' type message.
Mistress - again, you're completely wrong, but am aware you've made your mind up. I'm enjoying the cod psychology though
You're going to a gig, not jumping his bones
Now you see Mad - that's where you're wrong. Apparently it's all a matter of time...
Of course go!
I think your husband's feelings aren't totally twattish - we can all have a quick wobble of "OMG they used to shag!" - as long as it is only a momentary wobble. If he carried on thinking this was going to lead to SEX 
that would be disrespectful to you. But a little chat is fine. For example, it could drag out that of COURSE he trusts you - but it made him realise you two don't have much alone time any more. So... springboard for discussion - great!
But definitely go.
He's just a mate, is all.
Mind you, my fairly recent ex boyfriend works for me sometimes, he's a builder. We are alone in the house, I make him tea, he asks about my day. Is porn story fantasy situation - builder and customer. We are occasionally even in my BEDROOM We have managed not to shag each other. Because, like - we no longer want to.
So - perhaps that bizarre situation colours my view?!
My boyfriend has no problem with it.
No - it's very definitely not like that Blether . He's just a bloke I went out with from my course when I was 20/21, and what's more, there were a few others between him and DH . Cabrinha - he did refer to our shagging when I asked him why, but it was in the context of 'yes, I know I'm being silly, but you used to shag'
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I wouldn't be too sure about that mad. Dirgy music is well known for stirring up feelings of wanting to cut your own throat wanton lust
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