What would you think if OW text this?

[lilybutton]

Just found 4 years worth of messages between DH and his colleague.

Very flirty on both sides both way out of line but impossible to tell if anything ever happened but they both obviously wanted it to.

I have just messaged her to tell her what I have seen and she replied that she takes 100% responsibility and that he loves me.

He is denying everything.

Feel so sick he is coming home from work now to talk about it.

Hope you are ok and getting support in rl.

Very inappropriate, aggressive and bitchy comments Sugar. You don't know her and whether she is a mug or the status of her backbone.

He's lying trying to make sure hie is not kicked out. Which he should be. Whether he slept with OW or not (and he probably did), he has emotionally invested in her which is also a betrayal.

Oh god OP this is awful, I really feel for you

No need for the bitchy comments either sugar, don't kick a girl while she's down and all that!

I hope you're ok

(I'm afraid I do agree with comments above, he's lying love)

you perceive it as bitchy - i perceive it as the blunt truth...and i'm not kicking her when she's down - just laying bare the true reality of her situation based upon the information and responses she has given so far.

you have no backbone
you're a mug
i bet you haven't even thought about...

are all cruel, unnecessary and baseless statements. You think you're calling a spade a spade, but everybody else is thinking something else.

No Sugar, it is not the blunt truth at all. You know nothing about this person and what she is currently doing about her situation as she hasn't posted any further information. She has only just found out and is in shock and comments like that are not nice. Who knows what she will do as the information unfolds. The STD comment was also very nasty and your whole post just came across as either someone who has been shitted on themselves or someone who has not been through this situation. Either way it was out of order.

Totally agree with everyone else.

Sugar Unnecessarily harsh to someone who probably doesn't even know which way is up atm and is hurting beyond belief.

In an ideal world wouldn't it be great if every woman who was going through this just reacted swiftly and kicked out the cheating DH immediately and decisively. Maybe you did. Good for you.

I know very few people who would have that clarity in the very recent wake of a discovery like this.

So while they are confused, upset and panick-stricken let's support and advise rather than throw accusations of having no backbone and being a mug.

I'm sure that's really helpful to the OP... :-/

I agree - sugar that was a horrible thing to write.

Right now the OP needs support. She's found out something which has rocked her world, and has a whole host of people saying there is more to come. So she's doubting her dh, doubting herself and doubting the advice she is receiving. Its a really shit time.

It might take a while for the truth to out, it might take a while for the OP to take any action. This does not mean that she has no backbone, because facing this stuff will take an enormous amount of courage.

OP keep posting. There is a wealth of support when you need it.

Well said, tomato

Sorry but I think there's more to come. I doubt she's moved out without any hope of kindling a relationship with your h.

I usually try to come at things from a different perspective if I can, but sadly Lily I can only agree with the views of the majority of posters. Your DH's explanations are a bit pathetic aren't they - she pursued him.....well maybe she did and maybe he was flattered and maybe that's how they came to have a relationship. And paying compliments to "make her feel better........." oh dear, and meeting for coffee as she needed someone to talk to.........no sorry - bullshit.

BUT you have a choice Lily you don't have to leave him - you can decide to forgive him and move on, though I think trust will always be an issue in the future. And suddenly she's moved to another part of the country? Sounds a bit odd - why would she do that I wonder. Think that could be to "prove" they can't see each other again.........ah well it's horrible for you and you won't like what you're hearing and I think you will probably stay with him and that may be the right thing to do - maybe everyone deserves a second chance.

lilybutton i hope you are okay*