What would you think if OW text this?

[lilybutton]

Just found 4 years worth of messages between DH and his colleague.

Very flirty on both sides both way out of line but impossible to tell if anything ever happened but they both obviously wanted it to.

I have just messaged her to tell her what I have seen and she replied that she takes 100% responsibility and that he loves me.

He is denying everything.

Feel so sick he is coming home from work now to talk about it.

I haven't seen his phone but guess that will be deleted now

It's not regular though like weeks in between messages sometimes months

You can ask for access to online phone records and bank accounts. That will tell you.

One thing I've learnt on mums net over 10+ years is they only admit to what they think they can get away with.

The references to meeting up that you don't know about is not good.
If he talks about her and says she is stunning etc then it sounds like he is equally into her as she is into him. Can you go online and check out his email accounts etc.

'My' OW said the same thing, that he loved me and 'that their chats were just chats.' Yeah, chats with added genital pics, charming.

Prepare yourself OP, there's a load of shit coming, I'm so sorry.

TIp of the iceberg, I think. Where and when were they meeting? Sorry, op. Prepare yourself and remember he has deceived you by not telling this for 4 years, be careful, he's not quite the man that yu thought he was

If they deny a relationship, what is she accepting 100% resposibility for?

Has anyone gone through this and it has worked out?

What if it is just messages?

Would that be ok with you?

Only messages for 4 years would be a deal breaker. He has been deceiving you for 4 years. Flirting with another woman in my presence would be bad enough but even more nasty when you don't know about it.

Why would he have to meet up with her with out you knowing?

Four years of flirting and it's gone no where?

Get angry op and expect a very plausible excuse when he gets in as he has had time to think one up.

sorry you're going through this, did she leave her dh for your dh ?

And your dh is shitting himself because its all gone a bit far ? most people don't jack in a marriage for flirty texts

Im sorry but there seems to be so much of this you don't know

But 4 years of an affair would be a deal breaker for me

I don't know anything about why she has left her husband I just heard that she had - I know she had never been happy with him but didn't know it was that bad.

I don't know her well enough we would have discussed it I just know her superficially - they have children and my friend may know but she is on holiday.

I don't know they have been having an affair that's why I am so confused maybe just and ego boost? There is nothing in the messages to suggest an affair?

He hasn't rushed home anyway should be here by now!!!!!!!

She has actually moved to the other side of the country with her job so he wouldn't see her now anyway.

It is the worst feeling in the world to be betrayed. They will both deny it. The fact that the OW has left her husband sounds a little iffy. Do you think the OWs husband knew about your DH and this other woman?

Sorry, op, someone else has already mentioned my above post.

He may take a long long time to come home as he is possibly meeting her to get their stories together.

Yes I was wondering that too oabiti

O sorry. Just read you said she doesn't live locally. He is possibly in a lay bye talking to het by phone then.

Has he spent nights away over the last year or two?

If you hadn't found the messages who's to say that it wouldn't have continued for another 4 years at least? And even if she was moved to the other side of the country what's to stop your H finding a replacement.

Some marriages can come back from infidelity but that requires a great deal of effort from both sides. If he's already denied it then it doesn't bode well on the trust front. The marriage you had will never be the same again. You'll probably go through all manner of emotions and wanting to save the marriage is one of them. Your sanity is a very high price to pay for it though.

It doesn't look good I hate to say it :( Please don't make excuses for him or her - they will tell you what they want to hear. She may not want her DH to know anything even if they have split (perhaps you could contact him?) and your DH is probably shitting a brick. Of course she has been nice to you, she doesn't want you suspecting anything does she?

As others have said, prepare yourself for what is to come but give him choice to tell truth now. What you do with it is up to you. If he tells the full truth (and you still might not believe what he says) well fair play (although he's still a cheating arse) but I doubt very much. I find in these instances men will always stick with the partner until they are 100% sure their "fling" works out (in most cases it doesn't seem to).

Good luck and don't take any BS!! x

I know that in my situation that it was only messages (albeit with photos thrown in) as the OW lives 350 miles away from us.

We are trying to get things back on track, but nearly a year on (DDay anniversary a week tomorrow ) it is still bloody hard work, so think long and hard about whether he's worth the heartache and self doubt you will no doubt go through.

So yes, it can be worked out in a few cases, but maybe it shouldn't be worked out in most.

How did you know they never met up Dreaming?