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Original poster

What would you think if OW text this?

163 replies

lilybutton · 24/07/2015 17:59

Just found 4 years worth of messages between DH and his colleague.

Very flirty on both sides both way out of line but impossible to tell if anything ever happened but they both obviously wanted it to.

I have just messaged her to tell her what I have seen and she replied that she takes 100% responsibility and that he loves me.

He is denying everything.

Feel so sick he is coming home from work now to talk about it.

OP posts:
NashvilleQueen · 25/07/2015 08:31

Was anything other than

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 25/07/2015 08:32

He doesn't want you to contact her incase she let's something slip that will land him in trouble.

MyDogAteMyBelt · 25/07/2015 08:33

plus DH said to leave it and was annoyed I had messaged her at all.

Oh I bet he was!

MyDogAteMyBelt · 25/07/2015 08:34

Posted too soon.
What's the point in messaging her? You won't get the truth from her. They be working on getting their story straight so they can continue to deceive you.

Original poster
lilybutton · 25/07/2015 08:36

yes now I feel I have played into their hands a bit - by telling her to stay away from both of us it does imply I don't want to know anymore maybe I should call her and ask what has gone on?

OP posts:
MyDogAteMyBelt · 25/07/2015 08:37

He said his messages to her were just to make her feel better because she was really down and he was just trying to give her an ego boost to make her feel better.

So you're married to a man who exchanges "very flirty, way out of line" (your words) messages with another woman, in order to make her feel better and boost her ego. Really? Where was his loyalty to you?

NashvilleQueen · 25/07/2015 08:37

How about you ask your husband that?

Original poster
lilybutton · 25/07/2015 08:39

I feel so confused I feel like i can't think especially as I didn't sleep.

OP posts:
MyDogAteMyBelt · 25/07/2015 08:39

^^

Don't engage with her. It's him you're in a relationship with and who should be telling you the truth.

Kvetch15 · 25/07/2015 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kvetch15 · 25/07/2015 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lilybutton · 25/07/2015 08:41

But she also admitted that she was 100% to blame

OP posts:
Kvetch15 · 25/07/2015 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tumbletumble · 25/07/2015 08:45

Even if he's telling the truth and it's just messages, he has no right to tell you how to react or get annoyed with you. Doesn't he realise that you are devastated?

Joysmum · 25/07/2015 08:46

Call it whatever you want, your DH has kept his behaviour secret from you because he knew it was inappropriate. He's then lied about it and now have the gall to be angry at you. Just wish you could see all this for what it is Sad

jelliebelly · 25/07/2015 08:46

100% to blame for what exactly??

andthenagain · 25/07/2015 08:47

OMG please don't fall for his lies.
of course he has slept with her. 4 years of lies and deceit. Emotionally invested in someone who is not his wife and DC's-meeting for coffee only!!!!
Please oped your eyes to his lies. He is minimising.
He doesn't want you to contact her (bet he has though) just in case she slips up and tells you what really went om in their affair-yes he is having an affair with her. He is angry-another red flag. No doubt he wants it all swept under the carpet.
Please do not contact her she is not your friend an she has no reason to tell you the truth. I would bet yesterday they spent a while getting their stories straight.
Ask for his phone--ask for a copy of hisphone bill, look at his emails l think although no expert that some deleted things can be recovered.

Tell him to leave so you can get your head straight.

Lovingfreedom · 25/07/2015 08:49

The OW saying she accepts 100% of the blame means nothing. It's a way of telling you to STFU. If anything, it puts your DH in a worse light.

clearingaspaceforthecat · 25/07/2015 08:49

He is telling you what you want to hear and what paints him in the best light for you.
You need to move your focus from how OW has/hasn't behaved and focus on him.
Do you feel his behaviour is acceptable? How about all the secrecy/meetings?

Original poster
lilybutton · 25/07/2015 08:52

what is STFU? sorry I don't know

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 25/07/2015 08:53

Her accepting "100% blame" looks to me like she is defending him to you, presumably because he asked her to.

That indicates that she still has hope for their relationship and has been promised something in return for playing the part he needs her to play now.

Probably something about not hurting you unnecessarily before they start their lives together.

One way or another, it sounds like she is currently more important to him than you are, if he's annoyed with you for contacting her.

Four years is a really long time.

fuctifino · 25/07/2015 08:53

So, a man who you like as a person comes onto you and starts messaging you loads.
Do you:
A. Message back?
B. Ignore and distance yourself?

Yep, thought so.

He's spinning you a line. Sorry he has betrayed you Sad

BathtimeFunkster · 25/07/2015 08:54

Shut The Fuck Up

Tequilashotfor1 · 25/07/2015 08:56

Yeah I bet he was annoyed you messaged her. He is playing the 'look I didn't do anything so fuck it off card' (fake it till you make it)

If this was me and my partner thought I was seeing some one I'd walk over broken glass to ensure there was nothing in it. I'd show emails, texts, I'd talk through things that he was uncomfortable with, I'd be guilty of least having a secret friendship he didn't know about and I'd apologise for that.

In the other hand if I had been taking the piss I'd probally get annoyed and tell him he is imagining it and to stop messaging the OW and forget about it.

Milllii · 25/07/2015 09:02

He is also protecting her. That's why he is annoyed at you contacting her.