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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DRY 8!!!!!!

999 replies

CheesyNachos · 24/07/2015 12:22

Hello! This is our 8th! thread for those who are abstaining from alcohol and for those who want to abstain. :) We love newbies and lurkers. We have people who have been DRY for years, for months, for weeks, days, and hours. :) ALL are welcome. We have heaps of tips and we offer support at any stage.

DRY 7 the previous thread is here...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2347295-DRY-7?

OP posts:
custardcreamdreams · 30/09/2015 21:09

Thank you :)

That was me I believe Sea. Might go to bed and have a look see at it now. Given up on Doctor Foster, all getting a bit too far fetched and I can't warm to the central character at all.

Good luck with your appointment tomorrow bambam

vxa2 · 01/10/2015 10:01

CheesyNachos I know it might seem easy for me to say but try not to to feel ashamed. There are many times when I have felt that way and it is destructive. I know exactly what you mean about feeling scared - it is scary. When I first admitted to my therapist how much I was drinking ashamed and scared were the exact words I used to exaplin how I felt.

I am only 8 days in and I am finding some days better than others. The craving can be really intense and soemtimes I have to use a low dose of diazepam to help. Might that be an option for you ? Have you got a supportive GP ? I know I am very lucky to have a therapist.

I think that counting days is really helpful and I am just focussing on one day at a time. You will get there but its hard. I know I have a long journey ahead of me too. I have only just joined this board but the ladies here are so supportive and non-judgemental.

Chin up, try not to dwell on the past and focus on today. Flowers

BamBam21 · 01/10/2015 10:23

Hi everyone.Smile

cheesy Thanks for you. I hope you are feeling a bit better today. I think Stop for October is a useful thing to have in mind. I am intending to do that too.

custard my appointment wasn't meant to be until tomorrow, but the surgery phoned a wee while ago to say I could go later this morning. I am pleased and terrified in equal measures! I would have had some Rescue Remedy, but as someone upthread pointed out, it contains brandy!! I will just have a coffee instead!Grin

Still sober here. I had a lovely bottle of AF mixed fruit Kopparberg last night, and didn't crave booze, even though DP had a bottle again. I ended up feeling so angry with him, getting pissed, and then he went to bed at 9.15. I just felt angry that I am trying to be dry, and cooking nice meals, and putting lovely fresh linen on the bed, and he hardly notices the food because he's so drunk, and then collapses on the bed fully-clothes and stinking of booze. And then I feel ashamed that I have so often been like that too.Sad He says he feels like an idiot and won't drink tonight, but we will see.

I know AF for me is enforced this week because of the antibiotics, but I really want it to be a long term thing, and I really hope DP will too.

TeapotDictator · 01/10/2015 14:19

Hi all. Cheesy - well done for coming back to the thread. Ditch that shame, it is counter productive! Your post made me ponder, because Coq au Riesling is/was one of my most favourite dishes ever, and I haven't made it since going AF. From memory it does require a whole bottle of wine or at least my recipe did; wonder why I chose that one? Wink but I wouldn't have thought to avoid it because as you say, the alcohol is burnt off. So there's a lesson learned and one I wouldn't have known either.

I hear what you're saying about wanting to be normal, but I think there's a part of you that needs to surrender (do I sound cultish yet? Grin) to the fact that once you've become a problem drinker, there's no going back. There is no more 'normal' available. Even if you didn't go crazy this first/second/third time, it has left you feeling down and upset, so that alone is reason to give it a miss. Here's to Sober October and beyond.. :)

Bam well done on staying AF. I don't want to sound gloomy but I think you should be prepared for more 'dissonance' between you and DP if he continues to drink. Try to focus on yourself though. It's hard to look at someone who's pissed and behaving like a dick, particularly when we know that's how we must have looked too. I remember my first party I went to after stopping drinking, and being horrified at the number of people who were incomprehensible and thinking they were being perfectly coherent. That was me, I thought to myself with horror...

ididntsignupforthis1 · 01/10/2015 15:12

Teapot
You've got me worried about Xmas now?!

Seabiscotti · 01/10/2015 15:14

Welcome back Cheesy. Setting yourself a goal helps. I also find counting the days helps.

BamBam, I hope your appointment goes well. Do you think you would benefit from some real life help and support? Having a DP that has their own alcohol issues must make your battle even harder.

Did you watch the film Custard? I watched the first two episodes of Dr Foster last night. I agree, some of it is ludicrous. I think I would be offended if I was a Dr. They have been portayed in a very bad light.

TeapotDictator · 01/10/2015 16:34

ididn't what about Christmas in particular?! Don't worry about what lies ahead, just stay in the present moment and deal with that. I also worried about Christmas (I stopped at the end of July 2014) but it was absolutely fine. IN fact it was better than that, I was present for all of it and really enjoyed it.

Sea I keep meaning to say that I watched that film after you mentioned it on here, so thanks for that - thought it was really good. As you say, not a film with grand aspirations, but was a really good portrayal by the lead actors.

Seabiscotti · 01/10/2015 16:57

Glad you liked it Teapot.

custardcreamdreams · 01/10/2015 20:22

Christmas has crossed my mind too ididnt, mainly because I won't have the dc this year for the day for the first time ever. Yet there is no point in worrying about it now - or 'no future tripping' as they say. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Sorry missed your post last night cheesy. I'm glad you're back rather than heading down a slide route Flowers Even with cooking, there is an amount of alcohol left, how much depends on how long it's cooked. I find counting days really helpful in the beginning.

I did watch the movie Sea, thanks for posting as I probably would have looked over it otherwise. I enjoyed it, even if it did embarrassing longer than it should have done that it was Jesse from Breaking Bad as the husband. Reminded me somewhat of a relationship I was in a few years back. We were both totally off the rails. I'll probably regret not watching the rest of Dr Foster if there's some amazing twist at the end Wink

How's the dentist go today BamBam?

Seabiscotti · 01/10/2015 21:18

At Christmas I will miss drinking fizz while prepping and cooking dinner, and all the hyper happiness that goes with it.
What I won't miss, is not remembering the later part of the day and having a hangover the next day.

This year it will be all about good food, yummy chocolates, playing with DS and watching christmassy films. I am looking forward to it.

New Year is the tricky one, but will address that nearer the time.

I have yet to watch Breaking Bad Custard. It is on my evergrowing Netflix list. I have been watching more tv now. Previously I would have been drinking and fannying about on the internet. I have also been reading more too. I quite like being af.

Original poster
CheesyNachos · 01/10/2015 21:18

Thanks everyone for kind words. Back 'on' and feeling better.

I had no idea Rescue remedy contained brandy!!!!!! My dance teacher used to give it to us before dance competitions!

Teapot yes the recipe contained a whole bottle of wine so I was playing fast and loose with my sobriety by even making it. Hmm I had the thought it was a bad bad bad idea......... but managed to justify it. Funny how the mind works. I like your sentence 'there is no more normal available'.

One day at a time. :)

How is everyone?

OP posts:
ididntsignupforthis1 · 01/10/2015 22:03

9th night!
Much better than this time a week ago...
My dh drinks too unfortunately

Hadron21 · 01/10/2015 22:24

"There is no more normal available" - very true.
Another dry day here. I had a few false starts in Sept so I'm counting 1st Oct 2015 as day 1. No more slips. No more looking for the third door.

Well done everyone.

knackered69 · 01/10/2015 23:05

I've had my first dry day - jeepers! I tried to change my routine after work as much as possible and kept out of the kitchen where I do my drinking. We had a chippy takeaway and the kids washed up whilst I did some work on the laptop on the sofa.

Now I'm in bed sober and I can't get to bastard sleep! It's like I've forgotten how, without being clobbered with alcohol.

One day at a time...

bubblebathandcandles · 01/10/2015 23:08

Hi everyone,

Nice to have you back cheesy.

Sea I found your comment about watching more tv interesting as I am watching much less. I could never sit down without a glass of something to keep me company - I don't remember half of what I watched though.

I'm now on day 22, days are stacking up nicely and I would hate to go back to day 1 (I have done that so many times before).

Good luck to all those doing Stoptober or sober October.

gladistopped · 01/10/2015 23:13

Still here :) Still sober :) Hello all, both old and new :)

gladistopped · 01/10/2015 23:13

Doing Sober October - they sent me a badge yesterday! I am wearing it with pride :)

gladistopped · 01/10/2015 23:15

Lost count of dry days - but this year it has been at least 8 months sober out of 10 I do know - or maybe more - so better than drinking every night :)

Seabiscotti · 01/10/2015 23:25

Hi knackered. Sleep will improve soon.

Bubbles I was never the type to drink in front of the TV (except for stuff like x factor). Most of my drinking was in the kitchen listening to music.

Good on you glad

gladistopped · 01/10/2015 23:50

Good on all of us on here :)

ididntsignupforthis1 · 02/10/2015 06:50

Knackered
I was talking to my dh about the sleep thing last night.
I had wine in bed and went to sleep when I couldn't keep my eyes open coz I was pissed.
He had previously asked (when I was drinking) why I never finished my glass before I went to sleep - that was why - drank till I could drink no more.
I found sleep horrendous for the first few days - stick with it. I'm much better a week later.

Lucy2610 · 02/10/2015 09:19

We're into another month of the year where you can now officially not drink and it's okay not to :) Not much to say - sober life goes on. Emotions come and go and I no longer attempt to drown them in alcohol .... Well done to us all whatever day we are on Flowers Star

vxa2 · 02/10/2015 12:12

Day 9 for me. I do feel better but not as much better than I thought I would. Seriously tempted to drink but I know I shouldnt. Feel like Ive proved I can not drink and can go back to normal but I know in my heart that where I was 2 weeks ago was not normal. Craving is awful though.

Seabiscotti · 02/10/2015 15:04

vxa2 hang on in there. I too thought I would be full of energy and raring to go, but that has not been the case. I have been going to bed earlier and sleeping better ( even though I am frequently up with DS).

You said that you know you can't do normal. Accept that and close your mind to that door. Nine days is great. Keep going. It will get easier.

Overall I feel loads better and I focus on that. Many of us have abused our bodies for years. We can't really expect to undo all that damage within a few days or weeks.

Put some strategies into place to get you past the cravings, bath, walk, run, bed.

Seabiscotti · 02/10/2015 21:49

Ooooh where has everybody gone?