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Original poster

Boyfriend won't say my name

999 replies

YellowRose08 · 21/07/2015 11:07

Very random annoyance... might seem minor to a lot of peoples problems on here but it is driving me round the bend!!

I'm in a new relationship of a few months, lovely guy, honeymoon phase, very happy ect..
However, he continues to mispronounce my first name even after I have told him and corrected him multiple times. When I first told him, he was apologetic, said he hadn't realised and he would try and get it right. However, he is still saying it wrong all the time, he's getting defensive now and saying that his way is easier for him to say and that I will 'have to accept that he cannot say it'.
I would accept it if he had a genuine speech impediment(he doesnt) and he can say it right because I've heard him! I think he's just got into the habit of saying it wrong and can't get used to the different way.
It's really getting me down though. It makes me cringe everytime he says my name. My friends give me awkward looks when they hear him say it wrong and he's introducing me to his friends with the wrong name!!
I've told him several times how annoying it is but he doesnt seem to be listening??
Am I overreacting to think it is very disrespectful?? I feel like he can't be bothered to get it right- why should I be with someone who can't make the effort to get my name right?!?!

What should I say to him?? I feel like I will explode if he says it wrong again!

Note - my name is not difficult. Its an English name, there are 2 different pronounciations and ive had it said wrong by 50% of people I meet, but its very easy to say!!

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 22/07/2015 08:49

So? What was his reaction op?

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 22/07/2015 09:46

"I have never corrected him in front of anyone as I've not wanted to embarrass him (or myself)"
I'd tell him again that you find it disrespectful that he doesn't care about getting your name right, and say every time he says it wrong in front of others you will correct him because you don't want them saying it wrong too. Sod his feelings, he's not considering yours. It's a shame you'd find it embarrassing to do so.

"He has no problem correcting me when I try to speak his second language and say words incorrectly"
Then he should see no problem with you correcting him then should heHmm

CheersMedea · 22/07/2015 10:02

I used to have a BF who called me Alpha

I'd quite like to be called Alpha. That's actually pretty cool. misses point entirely

WellTidy · 22/07/2015 10:16

Thinking of you, OP.

MokunMokun · 22/07/2015 11:17

How did you get on OP?

I've also had experience with someone who played these sorts of mind games. It truly was an exhausting experience. In my case, it took over 10 years for the penny to drop and realise that he was doing it on purpose.

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/07/2015 11:26

My name can be pronounced in two different ways. I am used to people calling me one or the other and don't really worry about it. HOWEVER, if it was my partner and he couldn't be arsed to get my name right, i'd be showing him the door. That is ridiculous. I'd be worried that he would be a total twat in other areas too.

NameChange30 · 22/07/2015 14:48

OP how did it go last night?

CharlotteCollins · 22/07/2015 15:59

OP, I do hope he hasn't managed to get you doubting yourself so much that you don't feel you can return to the thread.

Would not surprise me if he'd somehow got you thinking about him again and putting your feelings to the side for now. (And if he has, that already seems to be a pattern in your relationship and it will continue to be so.)

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 22/07/2015 17:26

Hi everyone. Sorry for such a late response. Have only just got home and been able to get on here, was lovely to see the messages from everyone!
Unfortunately the discussion didn't go very well :( I feel really sad and horrible and confused :(

We didn't even end up going to the work do as we were running really behind schedule so it was too much of a rush to go.
I didn't bring it up until today(mainly because I felt awkward) and well it did n't go down that well.

I was firm and asked him why does he keel saying it wrong even though I've told him several times ect... I told him it was upsetting and it comes across as if he just couldn't be arsed.

His response was was that he is trying but it 'just comes out like that', he said he finds it hard to say, I said but you do say it right when you actually think about it.

He then started getting defensive extremely quickly. Telling me to stop and why was I having a go at him. Saying I was trying to cause an argument and that I was making out he wasn't trying. I was firm and said that it feels like he doesn't care that it upsets me and that I find it disrespectful.

He then started talking about stuff not even relevant. Saying 'what about the stuff I do for you like cook you dinner, helped you with x, y and z...'
I said what has that got to do with you not saying my name??

I didnt give an ultimatum but I said I wasn't giving anymore warnings. He said it felt like he was at work getting a disciplinary, he said 'fine get rid of me, I won't be the only one losing out'

He closed his eyes and said 'right im going to sleep' before the conversation had even been resolved. I said why? He said 'im avoiding conflict' I said it's not conflict, I'm just trying to explain what's upsetting me, my feelings matter as much as yours. He replied 'I didn't say they didn't'

He also said that he's not going to say my name at all anymore, I said don't be ridiculous!!

He basically got very defensive, angry, felt I was nagging, but kept saying 'he will try to say it right'

Try isnt bloody good enough! Just get it right!

The atmosphere was horrible so I was like 'I will make a move' and then he was like 'oh have you had a fun time, have a good day at work tomorrow' and hugged me.

I hope he understands. I really didnt like his attitude though. Do you think it is embarrassment because he is being corrected on it??

I don't know what to do next? Wait and see what happens next time?

OP posts:
Coffeemarkone · 22/07/2015 17:30

" kept saying 'he will try to say it right' "

I know you dont want to tell us your name, but I am curious about how hard it is for him.
Is it a Welsh name like Angharad that many English people manage to mash up?

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 22/07/2015 17:41

I have pm'd you coffeemarkone

OP posts:
Tequilashotfor1 · 22/07/2015 17:45

Oh get rid op, really do you see a future with this guy who is making out your causing trouble because you want your name saying correctly.

He said he will try? Hmm

Not going to call you anything from now on....that nice. Mrs nobody has a nice ring to it

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 22/07/2015 17:48

He's just text me saying 'was lovely seeing you'

Err he couldn't wait to get me out the door as soon as I brought up something he didn't like!

OP posts:
howtorebuild · 22/07/2015 17:51

Please dump him.

MagratGarlik · 22/07/2015 17:52

The teachers do this with ds2 at school. So annoying, especially when all the children start calling him by the name the teachers have now given him.

It's disrespectful not to use someone's correct name (unless they've given permission for you to use an alternative) and an absolute deal-breaker when you're in a relationship. Can you imagine 40 years down the line still being called the wrong name?

TendonQueen · 22/07/2015 17:52

Don't reply to that. I would just ignore him for now and see if that makes him realise how badly he's fucked up. That was a miserly attitude from him, he couldn't have been more grudging about it. Do you want to spend your future with someone who makes such hard work of such a simple thing?

UncertainSmile · 22/07/2015 17:55

He sounds like an arse

Zucker · 22/07/2015 17:56

Was that the first real "disagreement" you've had with him? His reaction to it speaks volumes really.

howtorebuild · 22/07/2015 17:56

If you must respond, send this m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=sQgd6MccwZc

CheersMedea · 22/07/2015 17:56

I can't see that this has any future really.

It bugs you. He can't/won't change. That's it.

The reasons don't really matter. If you could live with his error, it would be fine. If he could pronounce it properly, it would be fine. Neither of these are possible so its really a waste of your time.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 22/07/2015 17:59

Not annoying OP, I know exactly where you're coming from. I went out with my last boyfriend for 16 months and in that whole time, he never once, NOT ONCE, said my name during sex ShockShock He rarely said it any other time but the during sex time really annoyed me. I have a regular, English name too so I know how annoying it is. I used his but he never got the hint. The guy was a virgin before we met so a bit of a weirdo anyway.

Phew, feels great to get that out!!

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 22/07/2015 18:04

Not going to call you anything from now on...all or nothing, black and white thinking=red flag.

He'll soon claim that he feels emasculated when you assert yourself, just a prediction.

Fine, get rid of me....He has been down this road before. Call his bluff.
I won't be the only one missing out...conceited arrogant twat.

At uni I had a TA from Africa whose name was Olateedobemiah. 30 years gone and I can still pronounce it right.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 22/07/2015 18:04

Haha not what the thread is about scrambledeggontoast but glad thats off your chest! Lol

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 22/07/2015 18:08

It's a very bizarre reaction from him.

There's only one way for this conversation to go if you're normal:

'I'm so sorry you feel like that, from now on I'll make a concerted to get it right. I hope you're not offended.'

Instead you got a weird insecure/defensive/self-justifying/teenage/stroppy response.

Why is it so hard for him to deal with?

SuperFlyHigh · 22/07/2015 18:09

It's a LTB from me I'm afraid. His whole attitude towards this is extremely childish.

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