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Original poster

Boyfriend won't say my name

999 replies

YellowRose08 · 21/07/2015 11:07

Very random annoyance... might seem minor to a lot of peoples problems on here but it is driving me round the bend!!

I'm in a new relationship of a few months, lovely guy, honeymoon phase, very happy ect..
However, he continues to mispronounce my first name even after I have told him and corrected him multiple times. When I first told him, he was apologetic, said he hadn't realised and he would try and get it right. However, he is still saying it wrong all the time, he's getting defensive now and saying that his way is easier for him to say and that I will 'have to accept that he cannot say it'.
I would accept it if he had a genuine speech impediment(he doesnt) and he can say it right because I've heard him! I think he's just got into the habit of saying it wrong and can't get used to the different way.
It's really getting me down though. It makes me cringe everytime he says my name. My friends give me awkward looks when they hear him say it wrong and he's introducing me to his friends with the wrong name!!
I've told him several times how annoying it is but he doesnt seem to be listening??
Am I overreacting to think it is very disrespectful?? I feel like he can't be bothered to get it right- why should I be with someone who can't make the effort to get my name right?!?!

What should I say to him?? I feel like I will explode if he says it wrong again!

Note - my name is not difficult. Its an English name, there are 2 different pronounciations and ive had it said wrong by 50% of people I meet, but its very easy to say!!

OP posts:
Laura7010 · 03/08/2015 14:09

Wow! Not read the whole thread but got the main points. What a tool!! Everyone has got it right when they say how he was treating you.
I know someone like this, loves the whirlwind and lifting women off their feet etc... Makes them fall at his feet and his every word. But then when that settles and it looks like normality is setting in he moves on to the next. All about the chase. The only time he will stay with a woman is if she is easily manipulated and can be 'looked after' ie like a little girl needing someone to rely on. You proved you were not this woman so he ended it. Lucky escape as others have said, well done you!
It took me the whole of my twenties to get the measure of men and find one who deserves me and had mutual respect. I was with some right bell ends I can tell you. Someone earlier mentioned mental abuse and I was lucky to escape that. To the outside world he was all sociable and outgoing but to me he made me feel worthless and that my opinion didn't count for anything. I finally realised and left. He is now married to a friend of mine, more fool her! The best thing I did was move on, not speak to him again, not have a long drawn out breakup. Just that's it, you are controlling, I am better than you, goodbye!
Enjoy some single time OP, there are some lovely men out there when you are ready :)

Dolphiness · 03/08/2015 14:18

IMO it should a total lack of respect.

Dolphiness · 03/08/2015 14:19

*shows. Autocorrect grrrrr

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 03/08/2015 16:57

He has replied to my message.

"That message is so lovely it's made me cry. You are such a lovely person. I feel so rotten and I probably should.

I'm just really struggling with everything and it's really messing up how I feel about everything in general- even friendships and even in terms of relationship stuff. It's affecting my outlook on life ATM- I feel unstable because too many things have and are going on that I'm unable to deal with.

I realise that we all have our struggles in life and that it's not fair for me or anyone to impose these upon you.

I don't want you to hate me and at the same time I don't want to lead you on as ive come to realise that I I'm not ready for a relationship right now. I need to deal with things and resolve them.

I understand if you never ever want to see me again or have me as a friend. Please realise that it's not because I don't care- it's because I do.

I really have never ever had the intention if hurting you- you are the last person I'd want to upset."

He is lovely :(

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 03/08/2015 17:03

Sorry to say it OP but not read the end of the thread but up until pages 21/22 he is hoodwinking you here and trying to get you to feel sorry for him and its having the desired effect. rather than you thinking, no sod you, deal with your problems, man up and don't make an excuse about saying my name he has you right round his little finger feeling sorry for him.

Lovely my arse.

queenoftheknight · 03/08/2015 17:03

"I feel so rotten and I probably should."

He's rotten and he knows it...HE KNOWS! And he still does it? That is not "lovely".

When they tell you who they are...LISTEN!

In the meantime, have you found a counsellor/therapist yet? Stop putting your precious energy into him and put it into you.

www.bacp.co.uk/

andthenagain · 03/08/2015 17:03

No he is not !!!

he is keeping you "on tap". throwing you just enough crumbs to keep you available when he next feels a bit bored of an evening and wants a quick shag

I bet he still can't be arsed to say your name properly.

Move on OP--he doesn't want you as a GF perhaps only a friend with benefits !!

SuperFlyHigh · 03/08/2015 17:03

re-read Laura's post on this page (34).

tribpot · 03/08/2015 17:06

I realise that we all have our struggles in life

Yes, and one of his appears to be an inability to say your name right. It's not difficult.

No need to reply to his message, just move on.

notquitegrownup2 · 03/08/2015 17:08

That's a really nice message and hopefully it will reassure you that it was not your fault that a) he was not in a place to accommodate you and a real relationship in his life and b) you chose him in the first place Your radar was not completely off - you spotted a good person (or one who knows how to act like one) but not one who was in a good place for a relationship.

The nicest, most wonderful person is still capable of ripping out our hearts and trampling all over us if the time is not right for a relationship (oh, there speaks the voice of experience!)

Hopefully by going through this now, you will be stronger in future, to love someone but to call them early on, if they are trampling on your feelings. Yes, we all need some understanding but a relationship will only work if both parties have the emotional energy and intelligence to look after the other person, whatever else is going on in life.

HTH

SuperFlyHigh · 03/08/2015 17:08

if he loved and cared for you he wouldn't feed you all this bullshit and would leave you alone... instead he is manipulating you even after finishing with you.

LoisPuddingLane · 03/08/2015 17:11

Christ what a knob.

He isn't lovely. He's just acting the part of lovely. It's a load of waffly bollocks to make you go awwwwwwwww instead of being thankful to see the back of him. The message doesn't mean anything at all. And he's not lovely.

notquitegrownup2 · 03/08/2015 17:12

Lol - xposts with the other posters. Well, I fell for his message too! Blush

Iit could be manipulative or it could be honest - either way, as long as you give him space to sort himself out, you can enjoy the freedom to be yourself too - with your own name back!

SuperFlyHigh · 03/08/2015 17:15

He's the type OP that will come back to you in 6 months to a year and announce his engagement to ta da - wait for it - someone whose name he CAN SAY! Grin

and then he'll bat away your previous concerns, say he's 'fixed' emotionally now etc... if you dare ask. no definitely not friendzone here.

Lois has it spot on, nailed, 100%.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 03/08/2015 17:15

Thankyou for replying to me.

Aww I didnt want to make you cry. I just had to get it all off my chest. Thats how I know I bloody love you because even though I wish I could hate you for hurting me, all I feel is just really worried and I just want to make sure you are OK. Maybe im too nice for my own good sigh lol.

I worry when you say you feel unstable. Do you think it is your depression? Do you think you need some support? There is absoloutely nothing to be ashamed of if you are struggling with that and need to go to the doctor. Please don't suffer in silence if you need some support. I'm not saying tablets, but just going and talking to someone? If you feel unable to cope, you need to seek advice as I dont want you to hurt yourself :(

You are right, everyone has their struggles. But I want to make it clear in that you were not imposing on me in any way, shape or form. We were in a relationship! I believe that you should work as a team in a relationship and your struggles become my struggles and you are meant to work through things together. Thats what a relationship is about, having someone to care for you and to support you and listen to you. You were never imposing on me. I wanted you to feel comfortable enough to open up to me, and I was glad when you did. I would have supported you through anything. You were never a burden.

I was just very confused as when we didnt speak for the few days last week- and then when we met up on Wednesday at the pub, it just felt so right being together, and you said how much you missed me and how it drove you crazy not speaking to me. And then Friday we had a lovely evening together, so I just dont understand what changed so suddenly from then to Sunday?? Did you not really love me then after all? Do you not have feelings for me anymore? I just feel so confused how you changed so quickly?

Well of course I am hurt and upset. I feel unwanted, unlovable and like I did something wrong to push you away :( I feel like there is something wrong with me :/ I just want to give love to someone and feel it back in return.

You know I was treated badly before. It took a lot of courage for me to let you into my heart. I didnt even want another relationship, but you came along and you were doing all the chasing and saying all these lovely things, and I let myself believe that they could actually be true. I let myself believe someone cared about me. I thought we wanted the same things and I thought you were genuine about me. I just feel disappointed as I thought we clicked and it just felt right to me.
I feel tricked and decieved as you told me you wanted a girlfriend, you wanted us to go on holiday, you invited me to your graduation, and you were making long term plans with me. And then you turn around and say you have changed your mind? Just makes me feel like how can I trust anyones intentions ever again ???? Im not trying to make you feel guilty I'm just saying it how it is lol.

Xxx

OP posts:
LoisPuddingLane · 03/08/2015 17:20

erm...you didn't send that to him did you?

SuperFlyHigh · 03/08/2015 17:20

your reply to him is fine OP - but you have to work out do you want further answers from it like a bat and ball game, back and forth? or do you just want to (easier said than done I know) draw a line under it.

I think he will probably play on your emotions again, but then drop you - or even worse - he'll play this out - string you along - have you hanging onto his every text/email and THEN ta da - 'hi yellowrose lets date again' - and you may be feeling so torn up and confused that you say yes...

When I say the above it's because I've been there in a similar vein... and its cruel of him to do this, really it is.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 03/08/2015 17:20

His response: "A relationship is a two way thing though and I feel a bit like you took me for granted."

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 03/08/2015 17:20

Lois I think she did.... Sad

SuperFlyHigh · 03/08/2015 17:22

OP - he's playing on your emotions re taking him for granted... he wants the poor me card on the table... and the main reason - your name - it's now gone - ta da - vanished and you're concentrating on poor him, poor him's problems.

DoreenLethal · 03/08/2015 17:22

Oh dear OP. You have fallen hook, line and sinker into the trap.

The only response should have been 'next time, try getting their name right.'

LoisPuddingLane · 03/08/2015 17:25

He's totally playing you. You now feel sorry for him and the whole reason for your disagreement - ie, that he was a controlling twat you insisted on saying your name wrong - has disappeared. He's painting himself as a tortured young man who never meant to hurt you, sob sob. And you believe it!

Get a little dignity now and just bin him off. No more analysing and looking for closure. Whatever he says, it's not going to make you feel better.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 03/08/2015 17:25

Him- "You've admitted that we've broken up. So I think now I need my space and you yours."

Me - how did I take you for granted?

Now he has blocked me on whatsapp.

OP posts:
LoisPuddingLane · 03/08/2015 17:28

For god's sake, leave it be now!

SuperFlyHigh · 03/08/2015 17:29

OP - either you meet up or whatever and thrash it out and get answers (that used to work for me) then you can sob to your hearts content afterwards but at least you have the answers.

or just block him etc...

my last headfuck guy it has really helped now he's blocked me on Twitter yay! I can't see any of his mindless twattering on... Grin