Boyfriend won't say my name

[YellowRose08]

Very random annoyance... might seem minor to a lot of peoples problems on here but it is driving me round the bend!!

I'm in a new relationship of a few months, lovely guy, honeymoon phase, very happy ect..
However, he continues to mispronounce my first name even after I have told him and corrected him multiple times. When I first told him, he was apologetic, said he hadn't realised and he would try and get it right. However, he is still saying it wrong all the time, he's getting defensive now and saying that his way is easier for him to say and that I will 'have to accept that he cannot say it'.
I would accept it if he had a genuine speech impediment(he doesnt) and he can say it right because I've heard him! I think he's just got into the habit of saying it wrong and can't get used to the different way.
It's really getting me down though. It makes me cringe everytime he says my name. My friends give me awkward looks when they hear him say it wrong and he's introducing me to his friends with the wrong name!!
I've told him several times how annoying it is but he doesnt seem to be listening??
Am I overreacting to think it is very disrespectful?? I feel like he can't be bothered to get it right- why should I be with someone who can't make the effort to get my name right?!?!

What should I say to him?? I feel like I will explode if he says it wrong again!

Note - my name is not difficult. Its an English name, there are 2 different pronounciations and ive had it said wrong by 50% of people I meet, but its very easy to say!!

But you stood your ground, Yellow. Well done. He saw you were serious and were not going to back down. So that left him with the choice of either him changing or dumping you.

He loved you soooo much, but wouldn't change, as in grow and evolve as an adult, to adapt himself into the very basic requirements of relationships with another person-firstly respecting that person's existence.

This is still all about him. His verbiage that he spoke at you sounded like lines out of a book or movie. Cringe worthy stuff (to me in my cynical perspective), especially in the early days/weeks of dating. It is superficial sugar coating for a seduction.

Goldmandra has the reality out in the cold light of day perfectly. He can not control you therefore you are not suitable for him. It has nothing to do with you. He cutting his losses is 10,000% your gain.

Take care

He dumped you because you stood your ground and wouldn't be played.

The boy is a monumental loser. Don't be confused about all the lovey dovey crap, it was part of his technique. If he gets back in contact dangling the carrot of regret, let fucking rip.

Tosser.

I think you would benefit from psychotherapy rather than just counselling as you seem to have some malady prove thought processes and you are young enough for these to be rewired so that you will develop non contingent self esteem and find someone who loves you for who you are. Btw am over moon that this dysfunctional relationship is over.....his issues will take years to work through , yours will probably only take about a year and you'll move onto a rich and fulfilling life

Sorry meant to write maladaptive thought processes

He dumped you because you didn't let him break you, didn't let him "win"

He STILL can't call you by your proper name, and the princess bollocks is just the last straw.

This is not you, it's him, he is not a good man.

Agree with others - he does want you, but only on his terms. Next step (when he thinks he's waited long enough - but not too long! Or , you know, you might have moved on! - will be to contact you on some pretext or another. He may want to stay 'friends', or have to give you something, or just want a 'chat'. Or that he made a mistake due to all the 'pressure' and if you behave he won't dump you again .,,
Don't let him back in if he dies try this.
It's not you, it really is him.

Have you actually blocked his facebook profile? Or just deleted it? Ive a horrible feeling from your most recent posts that youve just deleted and not blocked.

I feel frustrated reading this thread. I'm really sorry you're in pain Yellow but honestly...

This man was still refusing to say your perfectly ordinary name correctly after being challenged numerous times. He acted like a tosser and dicked you around at every available opportunity, and your response now it's over? "Waahhh what's wrong with me? I've made him run for the hills!"

Buck up. Seriously. I'm saying this with all the care and empathy, but just stop it. This man is an idiot. He doesn't know how to behave. You know this.

The only thing you now need to worry about is why you want a man who treats you like this.

He broke up with you and you seem to think that means there is something wrong with you.

But you surely don't think that every single man who comes your way should fall in love and stay with you forever?

The relationship ended. That suggests the relationship wasn't great. It doesn't say anything about you. But tbh you need to have good self-esteem already in place before you get into a relationship. So I'm pleased to hear you're considering some help with that.

Thankyou everyone. It is helping reading these messages.
I really don't think he will contact me. It is over.

Give it two days and he will be back in contact, bet you 50p!!

You will have had 2 days of wondering why you are such a terrible person that when he grants you another chance you will be pathetically grateful. He will sort of apologise in a round about way but it will all be your fault, eventually you will accept this. You won't quite see this at the time but in time it will all be crystal clear that you should have run when you had the chance.

I wish I had mumsnet when I was your age and in your position, I would have saved myself from years of pain, yrs of self doubt etc. It never really leaves you but hopefully we are just being cynical and he is actually misunderstood (doubt it though).

Good luck

He went 4 days without contacting me last week. Until Wednesday and then he was saying how much he missed me, how upset he was and how it was driving him crazy not speaking to me :/ the space made him realise how much he wanted to be with me...

So he has just had 4 days of space which really upset him, but now apparently he does need space?

I sent him a text last night (I'm too nice and I needed it for closure) basically just saying take care of yourself, I wish you all the best. No reply.

Make sure that is closure for you then, since that's why you did it.

But be aware that he now knows there is a chink in your armour.

Yeah I needed to say a mature goodbye. Would have been nice to get a courteous response but oh well.
I looked on his instagram and he's
uploaded some selfies of last night and has added 'single' to his description box. He has also blocked me on facebook.

I just dont get how a few days ago he was all over me, saying how crazy he was for me, and then BAM. Just makes you think how can you ever trust anyone

No, not really - it just shows that this one was not the right one for you, for all the reasons stated in this thread.

When you find the right one for you, he will treat you properly, he will respect you and you will be able to trust him.

Just makes you think how can you ever trust anyone

My take would be that many older and wiser MNetters saw through this oddball immediately and you have had a lucky escape, OP.

Plan some nice things for yourself over the next few days, get busy.

Normal people wouldn't have difficulties with your name so why would you expect him to act normally about other issues? You are judging him by your nice and normal standards, thats not how he rolls. The Instagram, facebook blocking etc are all to get a reaction - and you reacted by texting.

I was you 13 yrs ago and I KNOW how hard it is, you wouldn't deliberately set out to hurt someone or mess with their head so you can't understand why anyone else would esp when they say they care about you but trust us that is what he is doing. Give it a few days and he will give you another chance ......... Lucky you! Then after a bit of nice behaviour things will slowly get worse.

We can't make you see it, sadly. I think I was so determined to prove everyone wrong about my ex and I so badly wanted to believe he loved me and I was special that I stuck it out for 10 long years, his behaviour of me still affects me 8 yrs later and I am now happily married.

Just makes you think how can you ever trust anyone

This is simply not true. But you do need to be a great deal more selective about who you trust.

He ended it with you (thank god) in this particularly cruel way in order to make sure you spent the next few weeks or months obsessing about why and how and what YOU could have done differently. I suspect he also ended it with you so that you didn't have the chance to end it with him and make him feel bad.

Nothing about his behaviour suggested that he valued you as a person. That's his loss. But nothing about your behaviour suggested you valued you as a person either, and that's what you need to deal with now. Yes you're 23 and we all allowed blokes to treat us like crap when we were 23, but you badly need to learn from this experience if you aren't to repeat it.

You believed his words and failed to examine his actions. Getting your name wrong but calling you princess. Cancelling lunch then having you cancel on him. Who has time for all that fuckwittage? Spend a bit less time trying to analyse him and his motives and look at what you can do to boost your own self-esteem.

"We met up today and we have broken up. He dumped me. He said he doesnt want a serious relationship. That he thought he did but he doesnt. That he has too much stress going on in his life and just feels like everyone is nagging him and that we just argue. He said hes not in the right head space and feels like he has no control over anything in his life. He says I deserve stability."
I totally agree with Goldmantra's translation. He doesn't want a relationship with someone who stands up to him, someone he can't control. And I really hate it when men do the whole "you deserve..." bullshit when they dump you, as if they care!

"What is really weird is that last night he sent me a really lovey dovey goodnight text saying 'I cant wait to see you tomorrow, sleep tight my princess'And then he dumped me! Wtf?!?!...I don't know what changed in 12 hours."
He realised that even using this classic sweetening technique you still weren't going to accept his crap. He didn't have anything left in his arsenal after that, so goodbye.

"I just think he can't deal with the compromise and conflict that comes with relationships. He wanted a girlfriend, but someone who he saw on his terms and who did what he wanted and didnt ever question him"
I think you're spot on Yellow.

"The Instagram, facebook blocking etc are all to get a reaction - and you reacted by texting."
Yup. Yellow the best way of healing quickly is to use every ounce of your self control to not check on him at all. I don't know how Instagram works but can you block that? I bet he'll be adding lots of selfies and happy updates to social media in the next few days just for your benefit.

I know it will get better in time.

I just feel tricked, decieved and stupid. He was so lovely and nice to me, pursued me, I thought he was genuine about me. Why do people tell you they love you when they don't mean it??

He said because he never had a relationship before that he needed to 'ease into it' but then when we didnt speak for days he said he was really upset. So which one did he want?!
I just feel it is all my fault :( I feel I pushed him away by nagging him. He has got a lot of stress going on in his life and I shouldn't have moaned about wanting to spend more time together.

He couldn't afford you the simplest courtesy of getting your name right even after you repeatedly told him how much it upset you.

Can't you see that what you did or didn't do is irrelevant? He was rude, arrogant enough to rename you, and frankly, a dick. He was not worth staying in a relationship for.

Hes playing you so of course you feel its all your fault that's the point of his actions. People who genuinely like/love you don't dump you because you want to spend time with them or ask them to call you by your correct name!!!

You're older and wiser now. As we gain time and experience we grow as people and our twat radars get better.

I thought I'd never trust again when a previous partner raped and cheated on me and left its scars.

I found somebody worthy of my trust though and here we are 22 years in and he's the most amazing man.

I'm glad I trusted again as he's worth it.

I can see why you feel tricked. He behaved as though you were important to him, but in the end it was clear that it was himself he was (and always will be) infatuated with.

It's not a general thing: don't think that everyone is like this. You really need some time with people you like and can trust now. Do you have family or friends you can lean on for a bit of support and a reminder of what lovely people are like?

If not you'll have to make do with us!