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Original poster

Boyfriend won't say my name

999 replies

YellowRose08 · 21/07/2015 11:07

Very random annoyance... might seem minor to a lot of peoples problems on here but it is driving me round the bend!!

I'm in a new relationship of a few months, lovely guy, honeymoon phase, very happy ect..
However, he continues to mispronounce my first name even after I have told him and corrected him multiple times. When I first told him, he was apologetic, said he hadn't realised and he would try and get it right. However, he is still saying it wrong all the time, he's getting defensive now and saying that his way is easier for him to say and that I will 'have to accept that he cannot say it'.
I would accept it if he had a genuine speech impediment(he doesnt) and he can say it right because I've heard him! I think he's just got into the habit of saying it wrong and can't get used to the different way.
It's really getting me down though. It makes me cringe everytime he says my name. My friends give me awkward looks when they hear him say it wrong and he's introducing me to his friends with the wrong name!!
I've told him several times how annoying it is but he doesnt seem to be listening??
Am I overreacting to think it is very disrespectful?? I feel like he can't be bothered to get it right- why should I be with someone who can't make the effort to get my name right?!?!

What should I say to him?? I feel like I will explode if he says it wrong again!

Note - my name is not difficult. Its an English name, there are 2 different pronounciations and ive had it said wrong by 50% of people I meet, but its very easy to say!!

OP posts:
ponygirlcurtis · 29/07/2015 14:42

Wow, that was really long, sorry... Blush

BigStripeyBastard · 29/07/2015 16:47

YY to 'This relationship is not working for me. All the best.'

BitOutOfPractice · 29/07/2015 17:06

Yellowrose. Stop playing his silly game and make a decision. Either end it now. Or call him and tell him you need to talk.

It's been 5 days since the conversation about your name. Stop agonising and take action. You will feel better.

I know that sounds a bit brusque but you're like a rabbit in the headlines and something has to give

BitOutOfPractice · 29/07/2015 17:12

And fwiw I think you should end it. If you'd done that on Sunday you'd be 4 days into recovery and would've spared yourself all this angst

Glitteryarse · 29/07/2015 17:33

Hi op just read through the thread.

If he really cared that he was upsetting you he would have called by now. He is making you make the first move so the issue can be in your toes not his.

He knows he has upset you and isn't intrested in solving it. He knows you will crack. He knows you like him more than he does you.

Good solid relastionships are not like this.

The next argument you have he knows he can sit it out days as you will break.

If one of my dds came home and told me this was going on with them, I'd urge them to cut him loose. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Plenty of men who know how to treat women right.

Flowers
saltnpepa · 29/07/2015 20:03

He has met someone else, it's obvious. He was never that bothered which is why he kept getting your name wrong, why he didn't show much concern for your feelings once challenged, because he's not that bothered. He has suddenly gone off the radar and is 'busy'. He wasn't bothered to start with and now you have become demanding he has found someone else. Be dignified and leave it well alone and move on.

A man who loved you wouldn't get your name wrong in the first place, ever.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 29/07/2015 21:08

With black and white thinking, your refusal to meet for the consolation prize of lunch last Sunday was probably when he ended it.
His finding someone else will only be a good thing because you will no longer be a target to supply his selfish and controlling ego.
See it for what it is: a lucky escape.

CharlotteCollins · 29/07/2015 21:26

Meeting face to face to dump him would usually be good manners for an established relationship. But this is different. It's very new: it's "dating" more than "relationship", so dumping either by text or by silence is totally appropriate.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 29/07/2015 23:17

saltnpepa that's the second time on this thread that you've declared:

'He's met someone else. It's obvious.'

I wonder why you feel this is a helpful thing to say, or indeed why it's 'obvious'?

The OP asked you the first time why you thought this, but I don't see an answer.

It just seems a bit of a stretch, and I am confused why you'd say exactly the same thing in the same words again a page or two later.

I can't quite see how that is helpful for the OP? What's to be gained by pushing this additional line of thought? She's upset enough without imagining more hurt for her to deal with.

OP of course it's up to you but personally, I'd suggest keeping your head firmly on the reality of the situation, as that's enough to think about without adding extra diversionary scenarios that make you doubt yourself and what's happened. I still think he's an arse, but you know that and you're trying to resolve and closing down this episode, not get deeper into the revisiting and going over events looking for meaning and enlightenment.

I hope you find a way to move on from this miserable in between stage Flowers

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/07/2015 01:03

Yes, I don't see why his inability to say the OP's name properly means he's met someone else either - that is a BIG stretch. Confused

I doubt he has been stringing the OP along the entire time they've been together, which is the length of time he has been unable to say her name properly.

Yellow - I get the impression you're not ready to let this go yet.
OK, so contact him - it's your choice after all - but just be prepared that you are not going to ever get what you want out of this relationship - him apologising, telling you he loves you, promising that he will always get your name right from now on and he's truly sorry that he hurt your feelings and he really does care about you - it ain't gonna happen.
So, since you're going to be disappointed even if you do contact him, is there any sense in prolonging the agony?

Clearly you think there is - so work through it in your own time - but try to make sure you don't get sucked in by the honeyed fly.

queenoftheknight · 30/07/2015 09:38

Why do you want someone who does not love/like/care for/respect you?

This is your real task, to find the answer to that. Very hard to do on your own. I really urge you to find a therapist, TODAY, and make a start on answering that question. Otherwise, this will keep happening, either with him, or another similar specimen.

NameChange30 · 30/07/2015 10:22

^ This!!

tiredvommachine · 31/07/2015 22:24

Alas

kaftanlady · 31/07/2015 23:34

Yellowrose I hope you're OK Flowers

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 02/08/2015 15:58

Sorry for the delay in replying. Just been trying to process everything. We met up on wednesday and he was so lovely and apologetic. I thought yes, everything will be ok now.

However, still was saying my name wrong when I saw him next. Sent him a message yesterday saying how could this issue still not be resolved. He just put a ':/' face.

We met up today and we have broken up. He dumped me. He said he doesnt want a serious relationship. That he thought he did but he doesnt. That he has too much stress going on in his life and just feels like everyone is nagging him and that we just argue. He said hes not in the right head space and feels like he has no control over anything in his life. He says I deserve stability.

This sucks :(

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 02/08/2015 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 02/08/2015 16:10

Thanks :/

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/08/2015 16:11

Well that's a relief at any rate. Not for you, not at the moment, but hopefully you will come to see it that way.

Now you have the space to go and find someone who can say your name correctly and treat you with the respect you deserve.

In the meantime, I think you could definitely benefit from some sort of self-esteem boosting course/counselling.

Headagainstwall · 02/08/2015 16:14

I don't think this is a proper dumping. I think he wants you to beg for him back, and thus restart the relationship on his terms, whilst he continues to pronounce your name wrong.

You're not going to, are you?

Saying your girlfriend's name correctly is a really basic request.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 02/08/2015 16:21

He didnt even bring up about my name today. It was all about how I want to spend more time with him, but how he wants more space and that he doesnt want anything serious whereas I do.
Even though last night he text me saying I was his princess blah blah, so I don't know what changed in 12 hours.

It deffo felt like a proper dumping.

OP posts:
andthenagain · 02/08/2015 16:22

Result !! although it would have been so much better (for your self esteem) if you had done the dumping.

If he was really into you he would have been jumping over hot coals to say your name right, to be honest he probably could say it but didn't respect you enough to do so. This was to keep you in your place.

So now you can block/delete -dust yourself down, wallow for a short time over the demise of your relationship (no more than 48 hours) the concentrate on your fabulosity and move on.

You are worth so much more that what he was prepared to offer

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/08/2015 16:23

What have you done since - have you tried to change his mind? Contacted him? Because I hope you don't.

He might be bluffing (I hope not) - but if he is, please don't get sucked in again.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 02/08/2015 16:24

Well how can he not want anything serious? He was the one who told me he loved me several times. He was the one who wanted us to go on holiday together. He was the one who wanted me to book time off work to go to his graduation.

I just think he can't deal with the compromise and conflict that comes with relationships. He wanted a girlfriend, but someone who he saw on his terms and who did what he wanted and didnt ever question him

OP posts:
Original poster
YellowRose08 · 02/08/2015 16:26

I have deleted him off facebook and changed my relationship status.
I want to text him a nice text to say I wish him all the best, but it will just make me feel worse if he doesnt reply.

OP posts:
andthenagain · 02/08/2015 16:28

Delete him number then you can't contact him.
I wish his name had been Richard--because he was acting like a right Dick!!

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