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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend won't say my name

999 replies

YellowRose08 · 21/07/2015 11:07

Very random annoyance... might seem minor to a lot of peoples problems on here but it is driving me round the bend!!

I'm in a new relationship of a few months, lovely guy, honeymoon phase, very happy ect..
However, he continues to mispronounce my first name even after I have told him and corrected him multiple times. When I first told him, he was apologetic, said he hadn't realised and he would try and get it right. However, he is still saying it wrong all the time, he's getting defensive now and saying that his way is easier for him to say and that I will 'have to accept that he cannot say it'.
I would accept it if he had a genuine speech impediment(he doesnt) and he can say it right because I've heard him! I think he's just got into the habit of saying it wrong and can't get used to the different way.
It's really getting me down though. It makes me cringe everytime he says my name. My friends give me awkward looks when they hear him say it wrong and he's introducing me to his friends with the wrong name!!
I've told him several times how annoying it is but he doesnt seem to be listening??
Am I overreacting to think it is very disrespectful?? I feel like he can't be bothered to get it right- why should I be with someone who can't make the effort to get my name right?!?!

What should I say to him?? I feel like I will explode if he says it wrong again!

Note - my name is not difficult. Its an English name, there are 2 different pronounciations and ive had it said wrong by 50% of people I meet, but its very easy to say!!

OP posts:
queenoftheknight · 29/07/2015 08:57

I am sorry to say that you don't appear to HAVE a relationship with this man.

Have you heard from him directly yet since Saturday? Is your information based only on facebook posts?

Sesamechoc's post made a lot of sense. the stuff about your own identity? Rather than the projected identity someone has created for you. There is a lot in that.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 29/07/2015 09:16

No still havent heard from him. Im going to text him asking what the deal is. I've had enough now.

OP posts:
titchinatrance · 29/07/2015 09:19

No. No no no no. Leave him alone! Why would you want him telling you - you tell him what the deal is.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 29/07/2015 09:24

Ok well I want to tell him im fed up of his behaviour!! This is ridiculous. I feel just as childish as him!

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 29/07/2015 09:33

Oh dear. Tis your life but asking him what the deal is - come on! It is playing into his hands.

He is telling you what sort of a person he is. He withholds affection as a result of you pulling him up on his behaviour. Is that really someone you want to be in your life?

It is your choice whether you play the game or listen to what he is telling you and act on it.

Duckdeamon · 29/07/2015 09:33

What have you done that's childish?

queenoftheknight · 29/07/2015 09:34

I would just assume that the relationship is over.

Do what you have to do to grieve, and move on.

Sorry you have been put through this. I still think getting a bit of therapy and working on your own identity/boundaries etc would be an excellent use of grief energy.

DoreenLethal · 29/07/2015 09:34

Treat em mean, keep em keen love.

[That's what he is doing to you - by the way]...

queenoftheknight · 29/07/2015 09:37

Use you energy on doing something nice for yourself today, not on sending a text into a black hole!

Come and tell us the good thing you have done for you today! Start talking about YOU, not him!

KikiShack · 29/07/2015 09:45

Yellow he's clearly shown he doesn't really care what you think about his behaviour, or anything else. Go by his actions. He has told you it's over already by how he's treating you.
Try and now have the self respect to walk away with your head held high rather than chasing him to either treat you badly again or accept you back until you question him again.
Do you really want someone in your life who refuses to say your name properly then sulks for days when you pull him up on this?
YOU can make the decision to end this now. He doesn't deserve your text telling him this. If he wants to know he will get in touch to ask. Since he clearly doesn't care please make it look like you don't either rather than giving him the satisfaction.

TeapotDictator · 29/07/2015 09:45

This thread is difficult to read. I'm sorry you're going through this. It is clear to me however that you contacting him is precisely what he wants. You have done something he disapproves of ("reprimanding" him). He has reacted in a strange way, and is now withdrawing to test to see if you will come back like a confused puppy. If you contact him, go back to him, it will confirm to him that you are prepared to accept this kind of behaviour and he will know he's got you hook line and sinker.

Please OP, do not contact him! It's exactly what he wants. This man is exhibiting signs of extremely odd behaviour in the way he handles relationships. He's told you he's at risk of self-harming if you dare to let go of him, and now he's withdrawing like this to punish you for daring to stand up for yourself. You can end the relationship, and you don't even need to contact him to do that. You can end it in your head, which is far more important than any conversation or message you need to send to this man.

TeapotDictator · 29/07/2015 09:46

And don't think he doesn't know exactly what he's doing by uploading all those photos onto Facebook. He knows you'll be looking at them and he wants you to know what a "good time" he can have without you.

CantAffordtoLive · 29/07/2015 09:52

Some really good advice here from pp's. I don't know you but I really hope you can find the strength to follow it.

My Ex was just like this and I wasted my entire life trying to keep him happy. Please don't make the same mistake!

HoldYerWhist · 29/07/2015 09:53

Tough love; woman up! Do you really want to be the type of person who scrambles around after a man who gives precisely zero fucks about you, killing yourself over his Facebook, watching him move on with his life in abject misery???

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 29/07/2015 10:13

What should I do then? No I dont want to chase after him. No I don't want to scrabble for his attention. I want him to know this behaviour is not OK and that I am not accepting it. I want to tell him he is a knob haha!

OP posts:
Hissy · 29/07/2015 10:17

Keep walking. Just let it go and don't ever go back. No matter what.

Hissy · 29/07/2015 10:18

You have old him what's not ok before and exactly how many fucks did he give? Hmmm? He's not worth your breath.

LadyLuck81 · 29/07/2015 10:23

Walk away. Go and have fun and live your life. Delete him from Facebook and block him. Delete his contact from your phone and all his texts and emails. Don't give him headspace.

If you're the sort to dwell and keep looking then he can keep messing with you. Remove the opportunity. Get out there and meet someone who cares about your wellbeing and respects you as much as you respect and care for them.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 29/07/2015 10:24

So not even tell him he's dumped?? Just delete him off facebook? Ouch!

OP posts:
MokunMokun · 29/07/2015 10:25

This is what happens, he plays games and you find yourself playing games and it's just not who you are. What do you want to do? Do you want to break up with him? Do you want to give it more time? As they say, you cannot change a person's behaviour, only the way you respond to their behaviour.

LadyLuck81 · 29/07/2015 10:29

He's ignored you for almost a week after refusing to say your name properly. I'd say that's him getting off lightly. You could text if you insist. Just say 'you're dumped' then delete him but that seems inflammatory.

queenoftheknight · 29/07/2015 10:32

What do you do?

Go and do something really lovely for yourself. Make it about YOU, Every time you find yourself wondering about him, stop yourself, look in a mirror and say...."What about ME?"

THAT is what you do.

His relational issues are none of your business. Really, none of your business! One day, he may wonder why none of his relationships work, or he may not, but that is his business. NOT YOURS!

Block, delete, remove. Now.

Go and buy a cake, and get your nails done...or whatever your thing is.

queenoftheknight · 29/07/2015 10:32

And read up on healthy boundaries. Or find a therapist.

TeapotDictator · 29/07/2015 10:37

The best thing for you to do if you decide to end this, is to send him a short message saying that in light of recent events, you've decided you don't think the relationship is going to work out. You can also say that you think it better if neither of you contact each other and therefore to that end, you are going to delete him from social media and suggest he does the same. THEN DO THAT.

From your last message you are worrying about what he thinks again and whether or not he will be hurt. You should NOT do any of these things with the aim of getting a reaction, or some sort of hideous "tit for tat" because he's ignoring you. You have to do it because you have decided that THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT HEALTHY and should end.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 29/07/2015 10:46

Yes, I don't want to hurt him :( why do I care so much, I don't know :(

OP posts: