Boyfriend won't say my name

[YellowRose08]

Very random annoyance... might seem minor to a lot of peoples problems on here but it is driving me round the bend!!

I'm in a new relationship of a few months, lovely guy, honeymoon phase, very happy ect..
However, he continues to mispronounce my first name even after I have told him and corrected him multiple times. When I first told him, he was apologetic, said he hadn't realised and he would try and get it right. However, he is still saying it wrong all the time, he's getting defensive now and saying that his way is easier for him to say and that I will 'have to accept that he cannot say it'.
I would accept it if he had a genuine speech impediment(he doesnt) and he can say it right because I've heard him! I think he's just got into the habit of saying it wrong and can't get used to the different way.
It's really getting me down though. It makes me cringe everytime he says my name. My friends give me awkward looks when they hear him say it wrong and he's introducing me to his friends with the wrong name!!
I've told him several times how annoying it is but he doesnt seem to be listening??
Am I overreacting to think it is very disrespectful?? I feel like he can't be bothered to get it right- why should I be with someone who can't make the effort to get my name right?!?!

What should I say to him?? I feel like I will explode if he says it wrong again!

Note - my name is not difficult. Its an English name, there are 2 different pronounciations and ive had it said wrong by 50% of people I meet, but its very easy to say!!

Glad you are getting real life friends on the case.

I'm just going to ignore the text until I have my day off work Sunday and can deal with it properly

No matter the real reason for breaking up, there are 'ways' to handle it publicly when you and the other person have friends in common or you've 'shared' the relationship on Social Media.

Frankly, on Social Media I'd just stop mentioning him in any posts or pictures. He would just 'disappear' for all intents and purposes. No need for a 'we've broken up' post.

A simple 'we didn't see eye to eye on things' or 'we wanted different things' is explanation enough for anyone that asks. You don't have to lay out your linen for all to inspect. It's really nobody's business and a simple shrug and 'I don't want to talk about it further' is all you have to say to anyone rude enough to pry.

And give him the cold shoulder for once!

He's punishing you and playing hard to get to get you to return to heel.

As for what other people think? Does anyone ever care? Especially not about a very new relationship. People break up all the time. And of course you were gushing about him whilst you were going out with him - you go out with someone because you think they're great, and when you stop thinking they're great you stop going out with them.

Why is he playing mind games? Why wouldnt he just want a nice, loving relationship?! I dont understand!
Do you think theres any chance he isnt doing this on purpose and I'm just over sensitive??

I've realised how stupid my last post sounds... ignore that!

Relationships end and you don't have to give details. You don't even have to change your relationship status on Facebook to single. When exh and I separated I just hid my relationship status from my timeline. Everyone close to me knew from me and I didn't want all the random less close people commenting on it.

When I was your age I would have felt the same. It is probably why I ended up in an abusive relationship for so long because I was ashamed and embarrassed to admit that anything was wrong. But I've learnt that confiding is good. Talking to people Irl is good. You need support. And remember you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have not behaved badly. He has.

YellowRose you don't sound stupid, you sound like you want to think the best in him. This is a good thing - a great trait to want to see the best in people.

The reason he's behaving like this is as simple as because he wants to. It's shit that some people want to treat other people badly but sadly there are people who don't care about others and need to build themselves up by bringing others down and asserting their power over them. In reality building yourself up comes from building up others around you, but some people didn't get the memo (including me, though I'm working on it now). Try not to waste too much time wondering why others behave the way they do - that way madness lies.

You're doing so well - so much more self assured and confident than I was at 23. I think you should be really proud of how you're handling yourself.

People can be abusive regardless of whether they are doing it on purpose or not.
It's the effect on you that counts.

You don't sound stupid at all. You sound like a nice person who's used to dealing with nice people, so trying to find an explanation that allows him to be a nice person. We all do that, it's how not-nice people get away with their shit for so long.

Don't beat yourself up.

Yeah :( I just hate these thoughts of blaming myself :( if I was that special he would wanna spend time with me :(
Eughh!!

No - a normal nice man would want to spend time with you. A not-nice man would want to fuck with your self-esteem. Ergo, he is not a nice normal man. Really, it's him, not you.

Seriously get rid, lifes too short and you deserve better.

Why do you need an arsehole wanting to spend time with you to make you feel special?
Find other ways to make yourself feel special. Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself: supportive friends, loving family members. Treat yourself to whatever makes you feel good, whether's it's reading a good book, giving yourself a manicure, putting your favourite music on and singing/dancing. You need to be self-sufficient when it comes to feeling good about yourself. That way you won't rely so much on a romantic partner to make you feel good about yourself, to the extent that you ignore the red flags.

I have just read the whole thread.
YellowRose, I met my now EXh when I had just come out of a relationship.
I thought he was amazing - really caring and we clicked.
It took 4 years for him to start being obviously emotionally abusive. I thought it was normal. I gushed about how happy we were.
In the end, I was on antidepressants and by then, I'd got a 2 year old with him which made it even harder to leave. But I did it, and now I look back and wonder
A. Why I stayed so long and
B. How I couldn't see how manipulative he was!
PLEASE believe all these people - your boyfriend sounds like a bunting of red flags!! Get rid and do it quickly!!!

I also recommend CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which might help you (just a hunch based on some of the thoughts you've shared on this thread).

I'm going to be the lone voice here and say I think that it's going too far to call him 'abusive'. The name thing is weird, and I would insist he gets it right otherwise consider ending the relationship. And his earlier reaction, trying to make it about you making him feel bad - that's not very emotionally literate.

But his recent apology by text - that seemed quite contrite and OK to me.

And what I'm a little shocked by is all the posters insisting he's being manipulative because he talked about past thoughts of self-harm. He didn't do that in the middle of an argument. He had a depressive episode and confided in the OP. You are all saying, if someone admits to suffering from depression you should dump them. I'm slightly appalled by that. Which one of you doesn't have any issues? How many people get road rage? I know I do. We all joke about parking rage on other threads ffs.

OP, I'm not saying you should stay with him, necessarily - that's up to you and how things pan out between you. I just think some of the replies you've had have been a little extreme and jumping to conclusions. I've said LTB in other threads to other posters, btw. But too much projection going on here.

Good post Biscuit.

He's got his issues. OP, you've got yours. I've got mine, all the other posters on here have theirs. This thread seems to have gone into hyper drive.

I'm not sure your relationship with him has a future, if not because of him not pronouncing your name properly driving you mad, then because at this point in the thread it just all seems like a complete headfuck for you and I can't see how that will change.

The question you should be asking is if you want to spend time with him.

Him "not wanting to spend time with you" is just so that you beg him to spend that time with him. I'm sure he is expecting you to ask for his forgiveness very soon. You have already lifted his ego by asking him about Sunday.

So, do you want to spend time with this person?

And what I'm a little shocked by is all the posters insisting he's being manipulative because he talked about past thoughts of self-harm.

What people consider manipulative is passing on the idea that the OP is his "saviour". Putting the responsibility of his well being on her.

OP you need a guy who doesn't need saving, who respects you enough to realize he's pronouncing your name wrong and who works to get it right, regardless of any possible barriers he has to that, because he cares about you! A grown up. One who can apologize when he messes up, and do it in a straightforward way: I'm sorry. I won't do that again; is there any way I can make it up to you? etc.

Yes, and saying to OP that if she hadn't come along, he'd have started harming himself again. Leaving the OP feeling very responsible for is mental and physical well being, she is a 23 year old woman, unused to dealing with such blackmail and manipulation. This has most certainly not been blown out of proportion

I'd also say that if he's already said he loves you several times, and you haven't, probably because your relationship is still only a few weeks long - then it's another well-established red flag. :(

Read Whereyouleftit's post again. And again. Because she's making an awful lot of sense.

Remember as well, that if he's making you this sad and angry this early on, it's not really worth it, is it? Perhaps the reason you're the first one who he has taken home to his parents is because you're the first one who has hung around long enough? The first one who has allowed him to get away with his first steps of control?

And that is not your fault either. You can happily blame your parents for skewing your view of normal decent relationship.

As a matter of interest, and you don't at all need to answer if you don't want to, what was your first boyfriend like in terms of behaviour?

If people ask why youve split up, just tell them he refused to say your name incorrectly.
Make him look like a twat.
You are not lying or bad mouthing him, just simply stating facts.

People will laugh at him being a dick when they ask why youve split and never mention it again.

In reality. If you think about its almost like reprogamming you. Changing your name and moulding your personality to fit him. Because youve let it drag on, which i know why it could.
Ive read the whole thread. He thought he had struck gold, even took you to meet his parents.

Pity youve seen through it. Dump him and dont look back