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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend won't say my name

999 replies

YellowRose08 · 21/07/2015 11:07

Very random annoyance... might seem minor to a lot of peoples problems on here but it is driving me round the bend!!

I'm in a new relationship of a few months, lovely guy, honeymoon phase, very happy ect..
However, he continues to mispronounce my first name even after I have told him and corrected him multiple times. When I first told him, he was apologetic, said he hadn't realised and he would try and get it right. However, he is still saying it wrong all the time, he's getting defensive now and saying that his way is easier for him to say and that I will 'have to accept that he cannot say it'.
I would accept it if he had a genuine speech impediment(he doesnt) and he can say it right because I've heard him! I think he's just got into the habit of saying it wrong and can't get used to the different way.
It's really getting me down though. It makes me cringe everytime he says my name. My friends give me awkward looks when they hear him say it wrong and he's introducing me to his friends with the wrong name!!
I've told him several times how annoying it is but he doesnt seem to be listening??
Am I overreacting to think it is very disrespectful?? I feel like he can't be bothered to get it right- why should I be with someone who can't make the effort to get my name right?!?!

What should I say to him?? I feel like I will explode if he says it wrong again!

Note - my name is not difficult. Its an English name, there are 2 different pronounciations and ive had it said wrong by 50% of people I meet, but its very easy to say!!

OP posts:
KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 24/07/2015 21:07

Sounds like you are being punished for standing up for yourself. If you "cause" a disagreement he will withdraw his affection. So you'd better STFU OK.

Harrumph. He wants you to jump to his tune now. He chooses not to go on Sunday so that's it, no consultation with you. He chooses to meet you in the week instead, you are supposed to agree of course, and hopefully be desperate to see him. Pfft. What a great way to make up after a disagreement. Not.

YellowRose08 · 24/07/2015 21:16

What a d*
I am angry. Wtf I havent even done anything wrong. Who does he think he is making all the decisions and dictating to me as if I'm at his beck and call.

I want to send a bloody sarcastic, assertive, you can't treat me like this response.

I deserve someone to take me into consideration and put me first.

OP posts:
YellowRose08 · 24/07/2015 21:16

Trying to be confident, strong woman here... trying not to cry

OP posts:
KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 24/07/2015 21:18

Why cant someone care about me and want to see me as much as I want to see them

There are plenty of men out there who would. Most men are lovely. Unfortunately your current man has serious issues. How old is he?

Lweji · 24/07/2015 21:20

I want to send a bloody sarcastic, assertive, you can't treat me like this response.

Well... dump him. By text.

YellowRose08 · 24/07/2015 21:20

He is 28. I'm the first girl that has ever met his parents as well

OP posts:
Lweji · 24/07/2015 21:21

And then cry all you like. It's good for the soul. Flowers

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 24/07/2015 21:21

Strong confident women cry. They stand tall, do the right thing, then have a good cry with mates or into their pillow.

NameChange30 · 24/07/2015 21:25

"I deserve someone to take me into consideration and put me first."

Amen to that! And to being strong and then having a cry Flowers

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 24/07/2015 21:25

How about "You are doing a very bad job of making up for your ridiculous carry on over my name. This relationship isn't working for me. I don't want to see you again."

YellowRose08 · 24/07/2015 21:26

What a bastard. I feel tricked. How can someone be so lovely and then so cold??

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 24/07/2015 21:27

So he doesnt even care about spending time with me.

Sorry sweetie but this is part of the control thing.

He cannot even get your name right. It is part of the control thing.

He has emotionally blackmailed you into being afraid to end the relationship in case he self harms. It is part of the control thing.

You are 23. You should not be with a man that controls you, emotionally blackmails you and punishes you for bringing up issues by showing you that you are not important to him. Life is too short love.

Please, if you do one thing this weekend; spend it thinking long and hard about whether it is worth all the hard work and heartache. The honeymoon period should be fantastic; this is the time to really figure out what is 'showing' [donating money, being nice to waitresses] and what is 'telling' [the red flags all brought up by so many posters on this thread].

Reread Pictish's list above. It really is quite concise.

WhereYouLeftIt · 24/07/2015 21:27

Why won't you just dump him? Serious question. Why persevere? This is a relatively new relationship,"a few months" - why are you so invested in it?

YellowRose08 · 24/07/2015 21:27

You guys are so lovely. Why are strangers nice to me than my own boyfriend?

OP posts:
YellowRose08 · 24/07/2015 21:28

I feel embarrassed to end it. Hes friends with my friends. Our relationship is public on facebook. Ive gushed to work colleagues and friends about how happy I am...

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 24/07/2015 21:30

I want to send a bloody sarcastic, assertive, you can't treat me like this response.

How about 'Another one of your control methods - punishing me for daring to stand up to you. I get the picture. Hope you find someone you deserve. From Yellowrose. Pronounced Yelloo ROOSe'.

*put your real name in, obviously.

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 24/07/2015 21:30

Because most people are nice and your boyfriend is a controlling twat who is finally showing his true colours.

Controlling men often go for much younger women, who don't have the experience to see what's going on. Fortunately you have the experience of all us old gimmers on MN Grin

Tequilashotfor1 · 24/07/2015 21:30

You deserve someone that will say your fucking name right!

Do you really know that your the only one to meet his parents? 28 and they have never met any of his GF?? Sounds like something he has said to make you feel important so when he pulls this shit it has you scrambling to get back on the pedistle.

op don't text him back. Just wait and see how long it is before he texts you. Then look at what's written and the tone of it. Then ignore it and see what his responce is. I'm sure it will be very telling to his character

Lweji · 24/07/2015 21:31

Ah. He should be embarrassed, really.

If anyone asks, you can just say that you ended up realising he was not the one. People break up all the time. And better earlier than later.

Of course you could just change your relationship status on facebook. And let him figure it out.

DoreenLethal · 24/07/2015 21:33

Gosh nobody ever worried about someone else breaking up! It happens. All your friends would rather you happy than torturing yourself about this.

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 24/07/2015 21:34

Have you ever judged a friend for a break up? People aren't bothered.

Just tell them "As I got to know him better, I realised he had some deep seated issues with women. He warned me about it early on but I didn't really believe him. I should have listened. Anyway, it's over now. I don't want to talk about it. I just hope he gets over his issues one day."

Tequilashotfor1 · 24/07/2015 21:34

yellow the amount of times ive had to back track over arseholes that I thought were the bees knees! It's really not worth clutching on to an arse home to save face.

Your friends will understand and not laugh and any gossip will be over in a day or two.

UncertainSmile · 24/07/2015 21:36

Relationships end all the time. It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

YellowRose08 · 24/07/2015 21:39

His dad also told me I was the first girl he had ever brought home.
I dont think his previous relationships were that serious. Wonder why!
Ive arranged to meet my friend on Sunday so I will tell her all about it too

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 24/07/2015 21:41

"I feel embarrassed to end it. Hes friends with my friends. Our relationship is public on facebook. Ive gushed to work colleagues and friends about how happy I am..."
Not a problem, and no embarrassment entailed.

Remember - "My friends give me awkward looks when they hear him say it wrong" - so your friends are already looking askance at him. They'll probably ask why you put up with him so long. Facebook? Even easier, just change your relationship status to single Wink. The gushing? Replace it with 'Well, how wrong can you be? Funny how something cute becomes beyond annoying. Rose-coloured glasses and all that ...'

Never, ever let embarrassment rule your actions. Especially when YOU have absolutely no reason to be embarrassed.

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