porn and our future

[myluckystars]

I have been married to dh for 4 years and we have a toddler. Before we got engaged I came home to my flat which we were sharing at the time to find him watching porn on the computer. He wasn't expecting me home for another few hours so was doing this in secret. I have strong feelings about porn and don't like it for a multitude of reasons. I was very upset at the time and told him if it happened again the relationship was over, he seemed very upset by my being upset and that was it (we had a very good sex life btw). We carried on together and got engaged, then married, I trusted him. When out baby was 6 months I caught him again and literally an hour before I caught him I had asked him if he ever did it and he looked me in eye and promised no but then I caught him practically straight after. I realised that probably all the times he had been up late at night while I was going to bed early to get up with baby, he had probably been watching porn and then getting up early and moaning about being tired. Anyway, I was furious and said if it happened again it would be divorce. So 3 years on so far so good although can I ever trust him again on it is my thought. We barely ever have sex because it has been a huge turn-off for me and I have trouble respecting him after him lying to my face.

Fast forward to now and there is a man at work who I have developed feelings for who I am sure feels the same. Nothing has ever happened and I have been very careful to not let my feelings slip out and I feel guilty because I am married. Part of me feels it is not a marriage anymore anyway and surely I deserve to be happy.

I know I said I was out of this but honestly, it's laughable the folk sticking up for porn and its advantages and saying women are loving it, utter crap, and funnily enough they either watch it regularly or their partner does.

Stop slagging off folk who don't either agree or partake in it, it doesn't mean we are old fucks, it means we choose not to, we prefer to have sex in real life and don't feel the need to jack off to some shite porno film which depicts the man having all the power and the woman having an orgasm every 2 minutes.

The fact is the OP has boundaries, one of them is her partner watching porn, it's a deal breaker for her, end of.

As for some other posts about men having to scratch the itch at least two times a day, for god sake, I'm actually pissing myself laughing here.

A porn thread on relationships? I'm sure it's a lovely conversation and not polarising at all.

if porn is all fine and dandy why has he stopped/reduced out of respect for you

Because we have sex almost every day. Sometimes twice. He doesn't watch porn that often as he doesn't feel the need to masturbate because of how often we have sex.
Even if he still watched porn despite how often we sleep together it wouldn't bother me. I have never asked him to stop watching it.

we prefer to have sex in real life and don't feel the need to jack off to some shite porno film which depicts the man having all the power and the woman having an orgasm every 2 minutes

Jeez you must've watched some pretty old/crap porn if that's what you think it all is

it's laughable the folk sticking up for porn and its advantages and saying women are loving it, utter crap

It's laughable that you can't accept some women genuinely do love being in porn!

Seriously open your mind a little to understood others. It won't hurt

Some women do - they are a rarity.

Many women have been used to being treated like shit and have poor expectations of how they should be treated. Some could not earn as much in another job. The ones who have no issues and genuinely enjoy it are rare and not a justification for the industry IMO.

Plus the whole 'pornstars love it' and 'other women who don't like it don't like sex/men' thing is just porn marketing...

And I call bullshit on that explanation fearless. Not doing it because he is having sex with you is not not doing it because he loves/respects you. It's simply making you interchangeable with his porn wanks...

The whole exploding balls thing I find hilarious too jan.... Just imagining the nurses drawing straws to wank off the coma patients twice daily in order to prevent exploding balls. Also men who have had vasectomies still enjoy wanking despite never ejaculating sperm...

And this is the same mindset that thinks rape is about sex.

Ffs. Your really milking this Op. You remind me of a nasty teenager shit stirring. I suppose by the end of this thread your husband will be an abusive potential rapist. What your doing , along with the things you are implying about your husband is highly abusive.

I'm really surprised more people haven't called you on it.

Fearless, Women in the industry love it? How many is that then, about 10%?

I actually worked for a street project and I can assure you most females involved in it did not love it, they did it out of necessity, usually a drug habit.

It's been proven over and over again and shown countless times the grubbiness, greediness and desperation of the whole sorry industry. I cant believe you have actually posted that folk who have written about the industry are women who hate their husbands watching it, that really gave me a good Friday afternoon chuckle.

What concerns me, is not what adults do in their spare time but the effect it is having on our youngsters, it's really pretty sad.

Just because it doesn't bother you if your boyfriend, who by the sounds of it is a rocket jacks off to porn, and it doesn't bother you, it bothers the OP, can you not open your mind to that?

No-one has said go have an affair and no-one would. Can't see why the op would get justification for an affair therefore. She'll get lots of people saying she should leave either cos she is a twat or cos he is a twat.

That last post from OP was so shit stirring I'm beginning to wonder if the thread's genuine.

I know when I'm not getting enough, my ovaries feel like two hand grenades with the pins pulled out.

Hahahaha, brilliant Pushing.

Me too Nequidnimis.

I'm out.

Men can't control themselves, exploding balls, basic needs etc etc, those were all old rape justifications. Of course dh isn't a rapist, what a silly thing to say and apparently I'm shit stirring?

So have you made any decisions OP?

About whether to stay in your marriage I mean, I think your views on porn are now well established.

I don't understand the need to conflate masturbation with porn consumption either, irrespective of the potential for explosions. Masturbation is perfectly healthy; some children & animals indulge in it. It's a perfectly healthy choice if you're not interested in it as well. Opting for an accompanying visual soundtrack of porn is a choice. Some of us argue that exercising that choice has wider societal implications. Viewing porn when your partner objects to it & you've agreed not to is yet another choice. All promises & choices made in free will, just like the free will many are arguing porn stars have.

Oh my this just gets better, now the OP is an abuser because of her feelings about porn use, jeezo, surprised you are still here Lucky lol.

I'd leave anyone for reading fifty shades.

Well said Pushing, nothing wrong with using your imagination, that way, you control how the story goes, works for me.

Haha.

I'm sure some poor nurse somewhere has had to clean up after a coma patient's nocturnal emission.

That scores highly on the "Shit I'd never thought I'd say" list.

He has stopped Dad, last watched three years ago.

Here we go again. Sigh. The problem with porn is that it dehumanises ALL women, not just the ones in pornography. But ALL women. Why do you think women are not equal to men? Because we are still seen as objects, decoration, consumables. Do you need me to repeat it a third time because so many people seem to miss the point about pornography? Even if the women making it were never abused and were happy to be doing it, it would still be shitty and misogynistic because it is one of the many shitty and misogynistic things in life that helps to keep women, that's ALL women, as second class citizens! Got it?