Who gets the snip?

[feministwithtitsin]

Hi ladies (and gents)

Me and my DH have just had our 2 DC. We are both still relatively young (I am 30, DH is 29). We have both decided that 2 children is enough for us, our family is complete. I want to retrain and focus on my career in a year or so, and, although my DH probably would like more children, we have decided that 2 is enough as we would be better financially, and I would keep my sanity!

I have had 2 caesareans, the first was a nightmare as I had an infection and the recovery time was a nightmare (5 days in hospital, alot of pain etc) the second was textbook.

As we are both young, neither of us would be looking to get the snip for at least another 5 years, just to be 100% sure, as by that time out fertility would have dropped and I think it would be too disruptive to my career, and life in general, to be having a newborn after that.

So for the next 5 years, I will be on some kind of hormone contraceptive, as condoms are too much of a pain.

The question is who should get the snip? I think my DH should as I have had 2 caseareans already and the op itself is easier, he thinks I should because the risks of vascetomies scare him (long term ball pain etc)

So, mumsnet jury! What is your verdict

I am guessing that if the baby dies from cot death, the decision to sterilize may be regretted.

I am guessing that if the baby dies from cot death, the decision to sterilize may be regretted.

Yes, because having another baby gives parents the ability to forget about the baby they lost! [eyeroll]

I don't want any more. I cannot & will not do pregnancy again. Having another baby would not replace a child I lost, and if (God forbid) I lost a child, nothing could replace them & I wouldn't be regretting getting sterilized.

Because you know....I gave it a little bit more thought than that! do people really think others get sterilized on a whim

I've had friends ask this and the doc said no... in case of cot death That's what my consultant said to me. Like they though I could replaced a much loved baby with another one, like it was a smashed up car or something!

Gosh, Different, not sure what your problem is. Yours isn't the only opinion that counts...? Some people might regret making a very final decision in the throes of giving birth and having an emergency c-section, which is what the pp was specifically referring to; not sterilisation in general.

There are no doubt some people that might regret the very final decision to sterilise in the event of subsequent tragic events. You, personally, can't speak for everyone. [eyeroll]

Sorry didn't mean to divert with cot death comment. Doc advised my friend against sterilisation during/immediately after a caesarean in case the planned for baby doesn't make it. Doc didn't advise against sterilization in general.

I think offred summed it up perfectly with her post last night.

My DH is considering having a vascetomy, thats why he has researched the risks etc, i can see why they scare him.

I think some posters have really run with the whole pressure/guilt thing, i am not really sure why. If i had said that i would withold sex, shout, scream and threaten my DH with divorce if he didn't have the op i could see their point. But i haven't.

What i am most suprised about is the assumption that contraception is my concern, and that i am unreasonable for mentioning a vascetomy!

It seems as whirlpool has said we really haven't moved on from women being responsible for getting pregnant, or not getting pregnant as the case may be.

Agreed, feminist.

And the couples previous contraceptive / birth history IS relevant when deciding who gets the snip, I find it bizarre that some posters have argued it 'doesnt count '.

My SIL had a horror show when giving birth to my niece. In a busy London hospital they left alone without checking her for hours (BIL ought to have insisted on some care really, DH would have kicked off big time) then staff rushed in, announced the baby was in trouble, used the forceps on her with no pain relief not bit even g&a, she had 3rd degree tears and a fistula, couldn't drive or walk upstairs for days...

Can you imagine how distressing the thought of childbirth must be for her? But BIL refuses to get a vasectomy, not because of the pain but because it'd be embarrassing.

How in a case like this can you say previous history doesn't count?

Of course it counts.

I mean, fine if some women are spun the line that it doesn't, and are willing to buy it, but I certainly don't accept it.

And clearly all the men who are ready and willing to have vasectomies think it counts too, which is a little inconvenient for the men who won't do it.

And as for a man who thinks it'd be 'embarrassing', just ... wow.

It definately counts.

Ok, yeah I get it now. seems strange really but I know what your saying. skater

I personally wouldn't recommend surgical contraception for either. Too many risks.

The gents op is straight forward, can be painful but the 10 percent risk of chronic pain is high and the GP won't warn you.

It's not just an achievement. Imagine being kicked in your privates constantly.

I had to try additional surgery for pain but this didn't help must. Reversal is out of the question as the second surgery made this impossible. To top it my testes aren't making enough Testosterone and I felt extremely unwell about 6 months after the second op. It took months to get treatment even though I was a quarter of the level I should be. So now I had pain and ED I now have injections every few weeks. To ease the pain I am on duloxetine which has side effects of ED and inability to orgasm.

We have sex maybe once a month to two months. I have even asked my Urologist to cut them off but he can't guarantee pain relief.

90% go ok but for that 10% that get PVPS it's incurable and seriously painful.

It's the decision I regret most in my life and I can't fix it. The injections aren't pleasant as it's a thick oily substance and leaves me limping for a few days. The tablets have side effects too.

I would recommend condoms if you don't want hormonal contraception.

Ache not achievement. Corrective text.

I would never ask my OH to be sterilised. Nor him me. There are many other methods of contraception available.
I am in my 50s- have only used hormonal contraception for 10 years- been sexually active all my adult life and still only conceived two kids.

I have just returned from a wedding. I went to the first man's wedding 25 years ago, when his first child was one. Now he is 50, his children are grown up and his new wife, 20 years his junior, wants children. He seems happy to oblige. Bet he is glad he didn't have the snip!

You never know...

I went because my wife didn't want hormonal contraception. If I had been told about the risk and I even asked the GP and he said 1 in 1000.

My Urologist and the nurses said it's common. They even said the same when I had an epdidymectomy (the scrotum is cut along the bottom, testicle pulled out, plumbing cut off the testicle, then showed back and the testicle has to be anchored to the scrotum so it doesn't twist).

The GP that did my op still denies the occurrence and I even had to leave my family practice because of failure to treat.

I never expected to be on testosterone replacement

Vasectomy also increases the risk of prostate cancer.

I was wondering how you were doing TheFuzz.

The testosterone replacement puts me at increased risk of prostrate cancer and also heart attack and stroke if my heamocrit goes two high. I now have to be monitored closely (had about 8 blood tests in last year) as well as the old finger up the bum every year (which isn't usual for my age).

I've also had injections (botox) into my testicle on two occasions (didn't help) and I am out of pain treatments other than drugs.

My pain consultant says he has seen PVPS cause divorce and suicide. I can well believe it as I am on anti depressants now.

The fellas in my family won't be getting the snip and their wives won't be sending them knowing my experience. Too risky.

THefuzz- I am so sorry to hear about your problems. It must be very saddening to know that this is a direct result of a contraceptive choice.

Interestingly my BIL ( who had vasectomy 5 years ago) has now developed prostate problems- just had surgery for that, now has testosterone treatment, and has developed hematocrit problems.
I wonder if this could also be related to his vasectomy?

Quite possible but nobody will admit it. My endo thinks it's pain killers that have affected T when I explain 28 days supply of codene has lasted me a year (pain specialist says I would need to be an addict to affect T).

I'm still seeing my Urologist for check ups and my new GP but the endo has been useless and just doesn't care despite being a so called expert in testosterone.

At least it's impossible to make my wife pregnant now. I've effectively had a castration rather than snip. All my balls do is cause pain. They no longer provide any function. What no one tells you is the vas is surrounded with nerves and blood supplies as part of the spermatic cord. It's not separate, so a slight miss with the burner will sever nerves and blood supply in my case.

We worry about testicular cancer now. Cancer loves a vacuum apparently, so DH gets checked regularly.

It is incredible that GP's still perform vasectomies. I would always suggest having it done at the hospital instead (but then I'm anti elective surgery now).

The GP's approach is so galling, The Fuzz. About six months later, our GP told a friend that the only reason they go wrong is if the after-care goes wrong (ie. if the patient fucks up). This was a complete lie.

I didn't tell DH this - he would have gone nuts. Ha.

I am actually shocked hearing this, we are led to believe that vasectomy is easy, and trouble free, no more hassle that a trip to the dentist.

I have always felt that surgical sterilisation is a no go for me, my OH feels the same. We are intact for a reason. There are plenty other methods of contraception available, even if it means modifying our sexual behaviour.

Fuzz . Your experience sounds awful. I hope things improve.

Unfortunately things won't improve. I can only hope I can find a level of meds that can control the pain. The meds available lower libido and result in ED.

We've got another 40 plus years of me not being much use following the snip.

In and out in 30 mins, life changing results.

I don't think anyone was saying vasectomy has no risks at all. What people were complaining about was the fact that it is assumed that women will take on the risks of contraception to the extent that many men never even think about having an input and would not even consider vasectomy (and often condoms tbf) because it's seen as 'women's work'.