MOST AFFAIRS ARE WOMENS OWN FAULT!? WOULD YOU AGREE?

[kittylette]

I think that most men have affairs because something is missing at home,

if a womans a great cook in the kitchen, a shoulder to cry on, a whore in the bedroom, then there shouldnt be too much of a problem!

i really do think this is the case, and will probably get slated for thinking so,

but this morning on 'loose women' they were all laughing about how they all faked headaches and say they're too tired to avoid sex, and how they only do it once a month and think of england!!
well no wonder men go looking for sex if its being denied it at home??

i always try my best to look good for my DP, and cook nice meals, and we have sex most nights (and i have 2 babies under 2)

just a thought!

kitty

Oh great, after decades of feminism some people still think that no woman would refuse monogamy voluntarily so I "must be a man". And I fail to see what's so grown-up about an attitude along the lines of "you're MY friend/lover/property and you can't play with anyone else or I'll kill you."
Also, people who consciously refuse monogamous relationships tend to take extra good care, both of their sexual health and the well-being of anyone they have sex with. It's the mugs who believe in 'soulmates' and 'romance' who catch the STDs because they treat 'love' as some kind of supernatural force that means they don't have to use a condom.

afetr 6 years of being married to my soulmate why would he need to use a condom

"you're MY friend/lover/property and you can't play with anyone else or I'll kill you."

Hmm, still trying to digest the idea of sexual partners as 'playmates' and what I did w/them as playtime.

Nope. Don't get it. Not 14 anymore.

It's obvious monogamy isn't for you.

Fair play as you are honest and upfront about that.

But for many, it is an enjoyable state of being w/another person. It represents a commitment to each other based on mutual respect and trust.

So when that trust and respect are broken, the other party has hurt feelings.

How is a foreign concept to you that those in monogamous relationships, or any sexual relationship in which the parties also hold a degree of love or emotional attachment, don't protect their sexual health?

Protecting your sexual health and monogamy aren't mutually exclusive.

FWIW, I don't believe in soulmates or 'the one' either.

how come you dont belive in 'the one', just wondering are you married now?

I am married very happily.

I believe there is/are more than one person with whom one can live very happily. The concept of 'the one' prevents a lot of people from keeping their eyes, minds and hearts open to the aforementioned possibility and, in many cases, people sabotage their own happiness by believing that there is only one way and person w/whom it is possible.

I see as a fairly recent Western construct designed to sell people things - movies, books, perfumes, etc.

Ditto 'soulmates'.

My soul is a complete entity of its own. No 'mate' required.

so is your dh the one you vision yourself spending the rest of your life with all do you think there could possibly someone better suited for you

I didn't have a 'vision' of who I wanted to spend my life with, and that's why I firmly believe I am happy now.

This whole idea of building a person - who may or may not exist - up in your head and if you don't meet him, there's no happiness, seems utterly ridiculous to me. Or if you do meet him and he doesn't tick all or most of hte boxes, he must not be 'it'. Laughable and childish.

I mean, I used to write crap romance fiction.

I'd make up 'the one'. It's fiction to sell people things. I'd fall in love w/people who didn't exist as a way to make them more believable so people would buy my work for a bit of fantasy and fun. Fantasy.

Better suited to me? When? Now? No. In the future? Tomorrow is promised to no one. Why would I waste my present thinking about such a thing when life is so short and precious?

i agree before i knew dh i didnt have a checklist that every man would have to comply with, after meeting dh i knew he was the one and we are very much alike and truly believe we were destined to meet and he is my soulmate for many reasons

Totally agree with expat (again). In my experience different partners have brought different qualities which I have enjoyed or found challenging - no one can be everything. Also, people often change over time (perhaps one reason for affairs.)

Totally agree with unquiet dad re men having affairs (generalisation of course). I think it's often testosterone. An "Arnie from LA-law" type guy I knew - complete with trophy wife who worked hard at being one - when asked why he was bonking the receptionist replied, "Because I can".

I also think that it's got something to do with biology - innate desire to distribute that seed... (not, of course condoning playing away when he has chosen to make a commitment to monogamy.)

Men and Women who cheat are selfish and put their own wants above their partner / family's needs.

Good luck to whoever says that monogamy doesn't work for her. Stop pretending you think you have the answer to everlasting happiness, though.

I never expected to be as happy as I am now. I'm a very lucky bloke, personally.

Although my first line is too simplistic, I'm sure.

Totally agree with Expat. Hate this "the one" thing. It's an insane idea. Really mental. What would you do if "the one" for you lived in Outer Mongolia? Or was George Galloway? It's just mad.

What if 'the one' dies? Do you just have to wait out the rest of your years, partnerless?

What if 'the one' doesn't think you are 'the one'?

Too many variables.

Better to expect to be happy, no matter what, and go about doing just that.

"the one" is an insane idea.

It encourages people to pin all their hopes on whoever looks nice that week, rather than seeing how things go.

It also encourages people to think, "oh, well, if it doesn't automatically work out, he must not be 'the one'. Next!"

Soulmate, "the one" is utter bunkum & the stuff of girlish romance & not real life at all!
Humans have the capacity to love & be loved by multiple partners should they choose to do so.
If you don't, that is fine but don't kid yourself that you have somehow, mystically stumbled on the "one". You are in denial!!!

you all have your own opinion and im just expressing mine my dh is everything that i would ever want, there is not one thing he does that annoys me or irritates me, he is perfect, maybe i am in the minority if i have found someone who i am truly happy with and yes i am the one for him, we have been through so much our realtionship tested on many levels we have never ever had an arguement in 7 years not even a slight moan at each other and if anything ever happened to him i know its easy to say now but i deeply believe i could never have another relationship as no one copuld ever be that perfect to me again, i know quite a few people that have never had a relationship after losing their dh

no denial here, my other relationships have never been like this

Haven't read the whole thread but there is NO excuse for an affair. If the marriage isn't working for some reason then you either need to take responsibility to try to do something about it or separate before you have an affair.

MAYBE YOU WOMEN THAT DONT BELIEVE IN SOULMATES AND 'THE ONE' JUST HAVENT FOUND YOURS YET?

ooops caps sorry

you may be in happy loving relationships, but not with the person your meant to be with ...YET.

after all, how can you believe in something you havent experienced,

just as you told me not to believe my perfect relationship may crumble one day. maybe one day you will find your perfect partner and will understand?

i believe in fate and destiny and soulmates, maybe youll start calling me nieve again for it, but its what ive been brought up to believe and what i choose to believe!

i agree with you butkus thats how i feel,

oh god im sure the age issue is about to erupt again

Kitty - that's so funny!!! What a larf...... Should have read this earlier as it's really cheered me up. . Perhaps it's April 1st and I've not realised.

When you get married - I think I read that you are soon - perhaps you should have a good look a the vows you are going to make. Don't matter how often you have sex, if you are crap in the kitchen, or if your DH doesn't earn enough - there is no excuse for infidelity. Sort those problems out don't have an affair. That's a convenient excuse for those who can't keep things in their trousers. Good lord! - if what you said was true DH would have been out and about years ago. But thankfully he loves me for many reasons and that doesn't change because life does. I married a real man - ie loyal, loving, and intelligent - not a moron tied to a rampant dick!

just because we enjoy a fantasic sex life, doesnt mean theres nothing more to it, we enjoy fanatstic conversations, meals out, days at the park with the kids, theres much more to it,

the sex is just a really good bonus,

and how can you label my partner a moron? thats so rude, you know nothing of our deep relationship, the hardships and trials we've been through as a couple!!