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Original poster

MOST AFFAIRS ARE WOMENS OWN FAULT!? WOULD YOU AGREE?

407 replies

kittylette · 17/11/2006 19:07

I think that most men have affairs because something is missing at home,

if a womans a great cook in the kitchen, a shoulder to cry on, a whore in the bedroom, then there shouldnt be too much of a problem!

i really do think this is the case, and will probably get slated for thinking so,

but this morning on 'loose women' they were all laughing about how they all faked headaches and say they're too tired to avoid sex, and how they only do it once a month and think of england!!
well no wonder men go looking for sex if its being denied it at home??

i always try my best to look good for my DP, and cook nice meals, and we have sex most nights (and i have 2 babies under 2)

just a thought!

kitty

OP posts:
hurtwife · 19/11/2006 15:11

Lovely piece of advice I read that we all have choices everyday and they will affect others whatever our actions be on the side of the angels not the devils and at least you will be able to sleep at night.
I am not being all moralistic here but i too cannot understand how anyone can do something that they know is bound to hurt someone else. I am not a prude or anything but if i knew a man had a wife i would respect her no matter what he said about his marriage - if it was true it was a sexless or unloving marriage then it would not come as a surprise to her. Men and women have affairs because they can and are selfish - they dont their partners because there usually is still some love there. If there was no love then they would be gone

aliceband · 19/11/2006 17:15

I agree. But it has always happened and always will. happened to my parents all those years ago. The cause is testosterone..

psssst · 19/11/2006 17:33

I think you're right Alice. I've been lucky enough that I haven't been cheated on, but I think men find it easier to be unfaithful because they can seperate love and sex. I know I couldn't be inlove with my spouse and still want sex with another man - even if I wasn't getting regular sex. Not sure if that makes much sense - had a drink or 2!

MrsSchadenfreude · 19/11/2006 21:27

Right - I am the breadwinner, and work longer hours than DH. So if I get home and the dinner's not on the table, the little kiddiwinks aren't bathed and ready for bed after giving me a goodnight kiss, and he is too knackered to "service" me of an evening, does this give me carte blanche, by your reckoning, to look elsewhere to satisfy my carnal needs?

Just curious.

madamez · 20/11/2006 00:57

Another day, another bunch o f people having hysterics over something that' s REALLY NOT IMPORTANT. Sex is nice. Whoever you're having it with. No one is entitled to own anyone else's genitals. It's much better to live comofratbly with another person, share out the bin-emptying, cooking, nappy-changing bits of life with the other parents of your kids and not give a fart about who has sex with who than spend your life trying to police somone else's underwear.

Alibaldi · 20/11/2006 02:46

madamez so if it were your partner cheating on you, you wouldn't care? Or have I completely misunderstood

expatinscotland · 20/11/2006 09:19

'I think men find it easier to be unfaithful because they can seperate love and sex.'

Huh?

Newsflash: women can, too!

Gimme a break!

Some people find it easier to cheat b/c they're immature, selfish and have no self-control.

That's basically at the heart of most affairs.

expatinscotland · 20/11/2006 09:21

FWIW, I have been cheated on. AND, I have had sexual affairs w/a married man and w/men who had girlfriends (or who went back to their wives and I didn't know about it for about a month!).

expatinscotland · 20/11/2006 09:25

'Another day, another bunch o f people having hysterics over something that' s REALLY NOT IMPORTANT. Sex is nice. Whoever you're having it with. '

Maybe it's not that important to you, but it is to a lot of people.

I've had some very un-nice sex.

I don't police my husband's underwear. B/c I trust him.

He promised me fidelity.

So did I.

I accept his promise on trust.

buktus · 20/11/2006 09:28

i have only had two relationships, my ex and my dh, i cheated on my ex twice, the main reason was he was very abusive to me towards the end and it i couldnt seem to let go of the relationship he was very controlling and put me down quite a lot i never thought there would be anyone else out there for me, so the first time i cheated it kind of just happened but when it did i felt in so much control after years of feeling horrible by my ex that i actually quite liked going home and looking him in the eyes knowing i had done things behind his back, the second time i cheated the grass was def greener and he is now my dh and my ex came down to earth with a big bump and was very sorry for years of hurt and pain but it didnt matter i wasnt going back to him, i had finally met the one and he is adorable and we are so in love

PeachyClair · 20/11/2006 09:31

I don't think all men necessarily DO find it easier, some men perhaps but there's no universal truth. My DH was a virgin when he met me, not because he ahdn't had relationships (he had) but because he wanted to wait for the right girl, one he could spend his life with . I am a very, very lucky woman.

He's not religious either, btw.

What that does mean, however, is that if he has an affair I know it would be ovr as he wouldn't go with someone he didn't love. I also know if I did, it would be over as fidelity means so much to him. He's not bothered about what I did before we met (phew! ), but now we're together absolutely.

Which is how I like it. If an open relationship matters to you then fine, hope it works. But you need to be singing from the same hymn sheet or one of you will get seriously hurt.

Obvioulsy this is a Kitty thread and we never agree () but the perfect existence is way beyond most people, certainly me, and whilst she may be able to do it I cannot- essays get done at night when we could be havng sex; not all children setle at 7; oh yes and Dh's work shifts and sleep when you're about so you don't actually get time.

Not that I don't admire the eprfect wife types and I'd like to manage it, but there you go. I do try and make sure my Dh knows I love him, that I'm there for him and always will be, and after that I just HOPE it's enough for him.

PeachyClair · 20/11/2006 09:34

Xenia- 'What always amazes me is women who blame the other woman more than their dear still loved husband. It's the husband who broke the marriage vows, the husband who took off his own trousers and no one else forced him'- absolutely spot on. Men are adults too.

Buxtus- glad it worked out, sounds much better now

buktus · 20/11/2006 09:37

thanks peachy

madamez · 20/11/2006 14:39

I don't do monogamy. I don't expect my playmates to swear off having sex with other people cos I'm certainly not going to confine my activities to one person.
I find it makes life much less aggravating. People are not property. after all.

boboggglimpopo · 20/11/2006 14:40

Playmates is a seriously grim term.

expatinscotland · 20/11/2006 14:42

Well, I don't consider my husband a 'playmate', either.

It's so much less aggravating when we both know we're not out there catching STD's, screwing up peoples' lives, etc.

Gives us more time to spend w/our kids and each other, too.

AitchTwoOh · 20/11/2006 14:54

playmate? really? i must go an tell dh he's my playmate...

playmate, soulmate, whatever. he is mine until he goes off with someone else. then he's dead meat.

PeachyClair · 20/11/2006 14:56

madamez that's fine for you, but for most of us it just wouldn't work. I'm glad you have found a path that suits you however: it may be worth remembering though that contrary to popular belief, not ALL affairs are about sex. Some are aboutt his rather awkward currently untrendy notion called LOVE

Can I also say.... why does a woman have to be a WHORE in the bedroom to enjoy sex? That's very demeaning towards women, imo.

fuzzywuzzy · 20/11/2006 17:08

madamez are you hugh heffner by any chance ???

Mellowma · 20/11/2006 17:09

Message withdrawn

Ruwla · 20/11/2006 17:17

Is Madamez male by chance?

I think if you are grown up and in a grown up relationship then you are committed to that person and should be monagomous, it just goes without saying surely?

buktus · 20/11/2006 19:11

how can you have a proper relationship without being monogamous, i dont get it at all

WhizzBangCaligula · 20/11/2006 19:20

playmates is what children have.

grown ups have friends, lovers, partners.

Silly expression.

The thing about whores is they do sex mechanically, faking orgasms and stopping when the time's up. I very much doubt that most men would like their women to be whores in the bedroom actually. They'd find themselves having pretty dull soulless sex.

dizietsma · 20/11/2006 19:29

What utter wank, Kitty. If your DH cheats on you because you're a niave anti-feminist bubblehead we'll still be here to comfort you and we promise not to lable you a bad cook or crap lay. Perhaps you could extend the favour?

Tortington · 20/11/2006 20:21

why do women have affairs i wonder. personally if my husband wasnt a good fuck or good cook i might just start lookin