MOST AFFAIRS ARE WOMENS OWN FAULT!? WOULD YOU AGREE?

[kittylette]

I think that most men have affairs because something is missing at home,

if a womans a great cook in the kitchen, a shoulder to cry on, a whore in the bedroom, then there shouldnt be too much of a problem!

i really do think this is the case, and will probably get slated for thinking so,

but this morning on 'loose women' they were all laughing about how they all faked headaches and say they're too tired to avoid sex, and how they only do it once a month and think of england!!
well no wonder men go looking for sex if its being denied it at home??

i always try my best to look good for my DP, and cook nice meals, and we have sex most nights (and i have 2 babies under 2)

just a thought!

kitty

Kitty - I've read the whole thread but I'm not sure what you're on about really! Has your relationship with DF been exclusive of infidelity so far due to your cooking and shagging ability or due to you being 'soulmates'?

Your posts are very smug and I can't help but wonder if the title and original post were just an opening for you to brag about your wonderful DF!

As has been expressed over and over on this thread, it is the unfaithful party within a relationship that is responsible for the affair, not the faithful one. If there are problems within a relationship then the caring, responsible thing to do is work at solving it with your partner, not having sex with someone else. However, it's bloody ridiculous and IMMATURE (yes, you are) to put infedelity down to crap dinners and irregular sex.

FFS

So in order to get someone to be failthful, you have to be some sort of Stepford wife, fulfilling all their needs. And while that is happeneing, who is fulfilling the wife's needs?

When you get married you sware, 'for better for worse, richer and poorer and in sinckness and in health, keep thee only untom him/her'

Whatever happened to keeping your word?

Affairs happen because the people having them want them, you don't accidentally have an affair, you don't wander along and accidently fall on an erect penis!

and you can't justify them away by saying X didn't fullfill me in 'this' way, so I will get 'this' somewhere else. That is a childish attitude to relationships and life in general. In real life you don't always get what you want.

I think your attitude of 'blame the victim' sucks. What next, wives of rapists guity because they didn't have more sex with the rapist and 'satisfy' him?

WHy is it important why people have affairs anyway it is not going to stop them or do anything about it? The nature of relationship is complex and people do not all behave the same or do things for the same reason.

Message withdrawn

This is the last post im going to write on this thread,

as i said, i APOLOGISE for any offence, and in a completly blonde moment (despite being brunette) i posted this in the most inapropriate board i could,

and i see, in the clarity of the morning after, that my comments were wrong, and to an extent misunderstood,

i dont want to try and explain myself as i just seem to dig a bigger hole and cant get my point across,

affairs are compliacted things and it was wrong of me to make the comment its a womans fault, i meant a few specific cases,

i shouldnt have generalised like that,

i still resent the comments that my marriage may be doomed to failure, as i just cant see that - despite your numerous warnings,

but if it ever does crumble from beneath me at least you can all say 'i told you so'

only time will tell eh? but for now im happy.

and for any of you that have experienced affairs, and been on the recieving end i am truely sorry for my comments, i dint mean to tar all women with the same brush, or all men for that.

didn't mean

thanks kitty........i hope your life together continues to be as happy and straighforward as it is now..

but we couldn't possibly say "i told you so" becasue you aren't
"...so pathetic as to post about my very personal problems to strangers"

your initial thoughts on this subject were ill considered but the posts you made follwing that were rude, offensive and deliberatly hurtfull.

you cannot act like that and just sweep it under the carpet the following morning by apologising.
In fact you havent even apoligised for the insulting and down right childish things you were spouting yesterday...just your opinions.

sighs

i apologise for my offensive comments,

im sorry but i got a little irrate after someone said 'shed slept with my husband' and the constant spouts of 'your so young' and that i dont know what im talking about,

but heyho,

KL we have all been at the stage of a relationship where all is rosey and we are very much in love but sometimes problems occur that you just didnt expect. So while its great make the most of it and be happy. I too am happy with my husband and trust him to the max, if he was unfaithfull I would be shocked and devestated. At the moment Idont think he would cheat on me but anything is impossible...make the most of it while it lasts and long may it last

Why did it offend you that a SHED slept with your husband.....
Having read the whole thread I would like to say that I feel you are not "so young" just "luvved up"
I've been married 3 times (so I liked wedding cake ) and I can say with EXPERIENCE that it doesn't make the blindest bit of difference whether you cook, clean or be a whore in the bedroom, if one partner gets it in their head that they are going to have an affair....they will!
Do you really feel that cooking, cleaning, etc. would keep your dh from straying if that is what he decided to do and if so perhaps your relationship is not exactly what you perceive it to be...
And incidentally...I have 4 sons, do you think for 1 minute, if they came to me and said I've made a terrible mistake my partner's a stepford wife and I've met a really nice, down to earth girl with a cracking personality, I'd get straight on the phone and tell anyone! Don't get me wrong I wouldn't condone it but I wouldn't drop them in shit either!

In answer to Kittylette's original post, my husband had home cooked food, an organised household, a wife who did his tax return & all the home accounts & investments & got plenty of sex despite the fact we had a baby & a toddler - BUT HE STILL HAD AN AFFAIR!
Your supposition is a bit naive & simplistic in MHO!!!!

Ooops meant to say anything is possible

Ooh Kitty you must be superwoman!! Obviously you are the kind of woman we all should be aspiring to be, why don't you open a school and teach us all a lesson in how to be slaves to our men? FFS!

PS have only read the OP so far, so sorry if this is a crossed post, just my opinion!

"you must agree that if a woman (or a man refuses his wife!!) refuses time and time again not to have sex with her husband, he will surely turn else where?"

Good men would sit you down and discuss the problem and possible ways to improve things. Saying that my OH and I did that and we still split lol (although not because of lack of sex I hasten to add). I think most men would like your original post when they first read it. Then they would suddenly think as it sunk in....we are not ALL that transparent!!

Kitty I was so cross when I read your comments yesterday. I did sort of skim all the posts.I do have to say that I do think I was brave and mature of you to come on today and post what you did today.I think that you learnt alot yesterday.Affairs are complicated and until it hapened to me I thought it never would.my dh had it all and great sex all the time.I was so confident it wouldn't happen to me and it did. I have learnt alot about affairs during the past 8 months.

that was supposed to say that I thought you were brave and mature to come back and say you were wrong

Just seen this thread {grin]

{{rumages through drawer for sexy underwear with 10 month old son hanging off me and 3 year old daughter jumping on the bed and 9 year old son asking for his lunch}}

very interesting!
My H has just left me with 4 kids and i never thought that would happen. He having an affair. Sex was not a problem and he will even agree that there was nothing fundementally wrong. I just throught we were going through a rough patch.
It is very niave to think it always one persons fault. If you are the perfect wife then of course he wont stray but what if he tells you you are the perfect wife and then strays - how do know what he really wants.
I once go close to having an affair but i respected my marriage vows too much but it would have been easy - and it was not becasue there was anything lacking in the marriage. We survived another 15 years until he had the chance and took it!!!
He is feeling like shit now because he has ruined everything.
Sometimes its a power thing just becasue he could have sex elsewhere he did - he admits that now. Sex doesnt have to get boring but as we all get older dont we wonder what it would be like with someone else?
Affairs dont just happen there is something laking but if you dont know about it how can you mind read someone else.
If it was as easy as cooking cleaning and bedroom romps life would be simple. Needs change all the time and without talking to each other really honestly anything can happen.

i dont think my dh would have an affair, he is a bit older than me, but I know before we married he was totally faithless, to me included, but now, he "hasnt the energy". But I wouldnt take him for granted, well try, but he shouldnt take me for granted either. works both ways.

not to me, i mean with me, bad girl. (i was in my early 20.s, my excuse).

hw, that's awful. I keep reading about that Tory MP who has gone off with a younger mother of 3 and left his wife whilst she was having cancer treatment he was playing around with the married wife of a barrister. He's probably going to be deselected so the wife says in a way great but on the other hand the family will then have no money. There are things you don't do no matter how bad a marriage is.

As for it might happen anyway in a sense that is true but some things lead to affairs - if you live apart in the week, if he or she is away on business a lot. If you take separate holidays. A lot of affairs are because of opportunity so don't let the opportunities arise and of course I agree with the OP here that if one side is not getting any sex in marriage there is a higher chance the other person will stray too.

I sometimes wished my ex husband was sleeping with someone else. I could probably have handled that but his abuse and the way he made our lives a misery here was so much worse on a day to day basis for the children and me.

This isn't directed to anyone in particular, but why do some women hate other women so much?

We've all seen them. The woman who have affairs with blokes who are in a relationship, blaming the poor bloody dw or dp, for not properly 'satisfing' the man in question. The dispise the other woman and see her as week and ineffectual.

You see them with some serial womaniser, secure that because their tits and ass are good enough/ can cook/ go like a train, they will keep him happy. Making them 'better' woman, and thus justifying their awful treatment of another woamn (all her fault for not being 'good enough')

And surprise surprise the same thing may well happen to them, and the guy gets fed up of them, and moves on.

Why do woman treat each other with such distain?

Some probably do but they're usually the ones whose husbands leave them anyway and same for men who think I have a perfect marriage (not knowing their wife is up to things elsewhere). it's the pride comes before a fall thing or he who is without sin throw the first stone....

What always amazes me is women who blame the other woman more than their dear still loved husband. It's the husband who broke the marriage vows, the husband who took off his own trousers and no one else forced him. Men have will and can resist as do women. But again and again the wives who still love their men put more blame on to the OW.

I was just reading this again. I carry it in my handbag...

"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway. Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway."
-- Mother Teresa