Husband's affair - Tom is moving on

[tomatoplantproject]

I took a break from mumsnet for a little while. It has been an eventful little while. Mumsnet keeps breaking and I'm sorry but I can't link my previous threads.

My husband had an affair with an Italian, I found out over 2 months ago. I kicked him out and since then have been trying to rebuild my life whilst keeping things stable for my little girl. I have an amazing family and friends who have been looking out for me.

We have had various discussions since I found out and have been seeing a Relate counsellor. Various posters have been warning me to be wary given how he has been behaving.

He was due to go to Spain last week on his own for a holiday - he cancelled at the very last minute after I asked him not to go and has been spending time with dd and I. Things were starting to thaw between us and we were building at least a friendship.

I had a job interview this evening and he did dd's bedtime routine for me. When I came home he sat me down and told me he was going to be honest with me. He has been in touch with the Italian Job since I found out, and they were due to go to Spain to see if they had a long term future. He pulled out on the Sunday after I asked him not to go.

I won't ever trust him ever again, and he hasn't put me first or respected my wishes that he is not in touch with her. So I am done. Once and for all. I can now move on.

You were all right. I just wasn't ready to believe you.

Mumsnet seems to be playing up - apologies for the repeat.

I'd certainly bring it up with him - just a short, curt email would do: In future, please make sure you control yourself in front of DD. Inflicting your emotional outpourings on our dd in the way you did on is both unhelpful and unkind. Her emotional health needs to be our top priority; I trust you understand and agree.

The final thing which really got my goat and I hung up on him about is that he is now blaming me. Because I wouldn't take him back he had no option but to build things with her.

Does he think I was born yesterday?

I really need to work on this detaching malarky.

And thanks - a "fantastic" idea.

Sorry, I deleted it because I then thought I don't normally say it about other women and it is him rather than her - but don't have the Italian to quite sum him up :(

Its ok. It is him, but she knew he was married and had a small child and she colluded with him. I read emails between them discussing what would happen to dd. In this case she knew what risks they were both taking and she was ok with taking those risks for her own pleasure.

I think one day the full realisation of what she has done will come to haunt her.

How's you?

Was it this week you were starting work?

Me? There's quite a lot of anger around me right now.

I started my new job today and I think its a bit of a safe haven for a while. Lots of challenges, lots I can get involved with to improve things significantly, but underlying everything I think its stable. So good. But soooooo much to take in.

The tube strike wasn't helpful for my blood pressure but I took him up on his offer of taxis both ways because he didn't help out with dd.

The solicitor has drafted my paperwork. She is on holiday for a couple of weeks and the plan is we issue when she returns. I can forget about that for a little while now. She has advised that dad shouldn't join me in any negotiations but I should definitely lean him and he can be nearby for moral support and join me on any phone calls with her if I'd like.

Dd has been a bit sick earlier in the week and got v constipated. Finally got that sorted this evening and hopefully she will have a long sleep tonight - I didn't sleep well last night and she tumbled into me bed at 5 this morning.

My plan this evening is a bit of food, a bit of The Good Wife and then I'm collapsing early to bed.

My brain needs to stop thinking about him. I have more important things now which need my attention.

Bastardo, stronzo, testa di cazzo...

I'm glad job seems good, it's one less thing to worry about

Ohhh I love the Good Wife

Twinkle

Am loving a good female protagonist these days for some strange reason

I'd put my money on Kalinda, she ain't scared to put the boot in....literally!

She is ace. I think blood is like her. Straight talking no nonsense cynical.

Xpost with OP, didn't see the post about your new job! I'm really please for you. Sounds like you've got plenty to get your teeth into.

I hope so. I daren't get too excited but early signs are good. Ask me in a couple of months once I've got my feet nicely tucked under my desk.

Is dd a bit better now?

I think so. She's knackered, no longer constipated as of 90 mins ago and just needs to sleep. She's also 2 going on 3 and hard to tell if a tantrum is a normal tired tantrum or a feeling poorly tantrum.

At least she is already settled into nursery. I'm very glad I took the extra days a couple of months ago because the only thing which is changing is a slightly longer day.

She has adjusted so well to everything, that is down to you x

I hope so. I need to make sure she isn't overindulged but I'm really proud with how she has come through. At some point when I've stopped lurching around I can be a better mummy. I know however that she knows she is loved and I am rock solid for her.

Glad your first day went well.

I suppose your dad could be nearby and you could 'go to the loo' if needed

That's all she needs. Nothing wrong with a bit of over indulgence sometimes, ds had breakfast in bed this morning, warmed chocolate croissants and a glass of milk

That sounds delicious. I haven't introduced the concept of breakfast in bed yet. Her clothes and toys are getting prinker and prettier though!

I should develop a weak bladder or "female" problems

Here's to you Tom

Xxxx

Have been thinking of Mama and Fab Phee.

Does anyone have an update on them?

I haven't seen or heard from them. I hope both of them are ok and aren't posting because life has got better rather than worse and they don't feel like they can come back.

Dd has pretty much tantrummed since I picked her up last night to getting into bed, and then from getting up this morning to dropping her off. The moment I dropped her off she was all smiles so I know she's ok. My nerves are frazzled though and its times like this I really need support. Still - likely noone will scream at me again until pick up time!!