Does anyone know much about limerence or ever experienced it?

[OneOutOneIn]

It's something I've been reading about recently as I suspect I'm experiencing it with a particular evasive ex but I wonder if the truth is just to get a grip?

I didn't know it had a name. I've definitely experienced it. At university, with an older, very charismatic man, who made me feel more alive than anyone I've ever met, for the brief time I was with him. He was exciting, unfettered, and quite gorgeous. He was also bereft or morals or ethical considerations, deeply selfish and quite unhealthy. I last saw him around 15 years ago, and of course the feelings have faded almost completely, but I think for at least 5 years after I thought about him every single day. I am grown up now and I understand that it was not a relationship and never could be, not in the real sense. I adored him, and was addicted to the way he made me feel.

I used to sit in a certain place in the library where I could see the street that I know he would have to walk down on his way in. I used to walk past his flat even though it was not directly on my way home. I didn't actually stalk him, but in the infancy of the internet, I used to scour professional journals for the mere mention of his name (just seeing it on the screen would give me a frisson). I remember the intense thrill of ordering a book from the stack and finding an old slip in it with his writing. I dragged my friends around every pub in our University town to find him one night when I knew he was around.

It was a strange feeling. I don't regret it, because it didn't have an adverse effect on me. He simply drifted away. If he had been a worse person he could have ruined me, I know that now. I snapped out of it and got on with my life, but I well remember the all encompassing obsession where everything was him him him him him.

Broken, how come you have lost your job?

You need a distraction. Don't allow yourself to wallow. And every time you catch yourself thinking about him move from where you are, so if you are on the sofa, go get yourself a glass of water. Just move about and try to think of other things.

Though in the midst of mine I would have done none of that.

Now i cant believe it's ended. No more out of the blue texts, amazing sex, flirty texts....nothing. unless he gets dumped
brokenhearted55a Maybe I've missed it but you haven't said how you both got together then broke up and how he's apparently in another relationship?

SelfLoathing Your post is exactly what I mean. Apt nickname by the way!?

WRT limerence the horrid thing is there isn't necessarily an acceptable timespan in which to 'move on' as quite frankly it's a form of absolute, all-consuming madness & obsession.

I agree that one can only take steps to limit or reduce its overall effects but it's something I never want to experience again. Quite frankly I often think that I'd happily live the rest of my life with Mr.Good-enough as I don't want to experience this again. But I realise healthy relationships are also largely subjective too.

I have experienced it 12 years ago, he strung me along for 6 years!! Not heard from him in 5 years and he called me up last week. Has messed with my head even though I'm now in a much healthier relationship

Does anyone have any experience of limerance turning into a stable, happy long term relationship or does it always end in tears?

Does anyone have any experience of limerance turning into a stable, happy long term relationship

Yes me. I think.

I left a 15 year marriage and went through hell to be with him. It was reciprocated. Together 9 years now, married with a DC together.

The thing is, the fact that it was reciprocated would turn this into a 'mutual infatuation' in most peoples eyes. I know, however, that everything that describes limerance describes me when we met. Ridiculous obsession. Weight loss. Job loss. etc.

I'm thinking this is what I had/have for my last boyfriend. It was very off and on and I never knew where I stood with him. In the end I finished things as I felt like I was going mad; had horrendous anxiety about the whole relationship, cried lots and lots, literally walking around with tears rolling down my face, the colleague I share an office with clearly got sick of me not being able to behave rationally. It was awful. Even after that I was driving to his house to see if his car was there, deliberately driving near his work etc.

I was doing v well in moving on.....dating someone else who I'm not sure how much I like, which also seems to be a feature from what pps said.

Then I texted him at the weekend and he texted back today. Just friendly texts, nothing more. Reading this has made me determined to hold off. I know how much my mental health would suffer if I went there again right now.

Way more than a crush,it's taken me 7 years not to have him on my mind every day and in between I had a four year relationship and a child with someone else and he still gets more headspace than my DD's dad ever has

Does anyone have any experience of limerance turning into a stable, happy long term relationship or does it always end in tears?

me. I was just reading this thinking omg that was me, and I had never heard of it, didn't know it was a "thing"

but, like eponas it was reciprocated ....in our case, it was dh doing all the chasing and he left his exw to be with me shortly after we met and we are married with 3 dc

I wouldn't say its a happy ending though. and its definitely not a healthy way to get with someone IME. as there are still repercussions from the way we got together 8 years later and I sometimes wish I had never met him!

God yes, as a teenager, so obviously assumed it was normal to be so infatuated. The suicide attempt when it wasn't requited though seemed excessive. I can't believe I've never heard of this before. I'm very happy now btw

The really sad thing about mine is that when I ended it he came back promising that we could be together, that he truly loved me etc but I felt completely paralysed by fear of going back that I said "No". It was def the right thing at the time as I was in no fit place for a relationship but I guess that regret is why I got in touch again.

I'm trying v hard to relax and believe that everything will be ok in the end .

I there really such a thing as limerence? Is it not just a powerful and sometimes unrequited crush? Perhaps a primal lust?
I had that once, it nearly broke me, took two years to get over it.
I am not going to reproach myself nor blame the man in question for what happened. It was a very powerful mutual attraction that was not to be acted on for many reasons,
I see him occasionally, there is an awkwardness, he's not mine to have and in all honesty I think we'd make a terrible match.
That said if we were Neanderthals living in a cave we'd have shagged the brains out of each other.

I think that going by what I've read, limerance is a word for the type of love one can feel that becomes all consuming. Literally "madly in love". But doesn't everyone feel this at some point? Surely it can be a good thing if you both feel madly in love together? "A forest fire" as Lloyd Cole and the Commotions sang. Has anyone read "By Grand Central Station I sat down and wept" ? There's a whole book of limerance. Its very poignant. Also I think we feel limerance of a sort when we have a new baby.

Once. I was 16, he was 18. He really was my everything. We had a very brief, but immensely powerful 5 weeks, during which time i lost my virginity, and fell pregnant in the same month. I really thought it was meant to be, but My DM insisted on a termination, and I had no choice in it. It was the first time i ever saw him cry, and he couldn't look at me after that.
Two years later, he got married, and started a family. When they announced their first pregnancy, I broke my heart.. 20years later, he still occasionally appears in my dreams. I hope my two DDs never ever feel that pain in their lives.